The Divine and I have an ongoing love affair. Don’t worry, my Beloved knows and He’s totally cool with it  (especially since they have their own love affair going on.)  And like any relationship we engage in pillow talk quite frequently. 

As I was laying down today I heard a whisper: 

 “There is a difference between being Whole and being Complete.”

This held a huge resonance for me and while I was not sure how to articulate that difference I knew it was true. 

I began to look around to see if there was indeed a difference, after all, the two words are used as synonyms in most thesauruses. However, the words come from completely (heh) different terms. 

Whole refers to health and being undamaged. It also means entire without excluding any parts. 

“Complete” refers to being intensely filled and finished.  The best way I’ve heard it stated came from a website for non-native English speakers: 

Whole Suggests total coverage, complete suggests that there is nothing absent. 

Wow.

What a difference in the texture of those 2 words.

I often hear and read articles aimed at women that say that our ultimate goal is to be complete. The self-help industry, friends, and classes suggest that a fulfilled and happy woman is complete in her self. We are taught that “a self-actualized woman doesn’t need anyone else to complete her“. While I understand the well meaning in those statements I do not believe them to be true. 

In fact for a woman  

striving to be absolutely complete in and of herself is one of the most detrimental practices she can engage in.

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• It removes her from being connected- which is the environment in which the Feminine thrives. 
• It creates a drive to “do it alone” that alienates her from potential sources of support and love. 
• It puts the label “needy” on natural human sharing, connection and interconnectedness leaving her in a state of depletion. 
• It often motivates her to shun connection and interdependence as a statement of her strength.

At the end of the day the attempts to be complete and alone reap the absolute opposite result. Far from being intensely full – she becomes intensely empty.  While there is nothing wrong with desiring completion- we need each other to accomplish this goal. And- quiet as it’s kept

We need Men and their Masculine energy. 

This doesn’t mean that a single woman is  stuck sitting in a corner chewing her nails and trying to figure out how to “get a man”.  Not at all. Wholeness is something we can all embrace – not from a state of “something is wrong with me” but from a state of accepting and reconnecting all of our beautiful sacred facets. 

As we connect these parts of ourselves that we have neglected, demonized or abused- we come to a state where we understand that 

We can stop pyscho-pathologizing our experience of life and get busy living. Deeply and profoundly embracing every opportunity to come into ourselves. 

We can understand that we are not broken lonely souls who need fixing  – but amazing spirits experiencing the Universe from various places of contrast and connection. Every facet precious. 

This is what it is to be a Whole Woman. 

Live. Love. Lush and Fearless, 

P.S. Would you like to spend time in a virtual space where you can learn more? Connect your facets? Live and Love lushly and abundantly? Check out the School of Feminine Transformation – I’m waiting to welcome you with open arms.