Stress affects all of us – I understand that. Being a Man, however – I also understand what it feels like to walk around feeling like Im watching my life through my own eyes. When that happens, when Im truly stressed out – although I may appear on the surface to be calm and unruffled, the reality is that underneath, Im completely somewhen else. You know the feeling – you can appear to be present, and certainly your physical frame is there going through the motions – going shopping, attending an event with your beloved, doing something with the kids or appearing to enjoy a nice meal with a friend. Your body is there, smiling or laughing in the socially acceptable places, nodding, looking interested and even contributing a comment or two when the conversation starts getting severely lopsided and you realize you aren’t really contributing to the substance of what is going on.
When are you? Most Men are adept at this particular form of duality – being physically present, but mentally and energetically occupying a different reality.
When are you today? We each have an opportunity to inhabit both non-local and local reality. When you are stressed, where do you go? As men we can often seem detached and distant from what is going on around us – when we are under stress we can mentally inhabit a different WHEN. Today, be conscious of WHEN you are. Are you focused on yesterday? What happened at work last week? Something from 3 years ago? An impending deadline? You cannot be present TODAY and someWHEN else at the same time. Commit to bringing your best self to those that you love and care about. Just for today – concentrate on being HERE, being NOW.
Is this you? How to find out.
I know….some of y’all have hard heads as my Pops used to say. Trust me on this – you aren’t fooling anyone. She knows when you “aren’t home” – thats when you get the gentle and tentative arm rub in the middle of a conversation…the ‘you okay babe?’ look in her eyes. Know what I mean? You arent being the ‘strong and silent type’….you arent THERE. So there’s your clue by four – you need to be more present. Here’s my advice to you.
Many men approach the prospect of our being a ‘real’ man from a flawed premise;
e.g. the more you DO the more you are worth.
the more money you make, the better you will feel.
the more that you HAVE, the more you ARE
a better way to approach this would be – the better you FEEL, the more you ALLOW.
Having a Heart Focus
Focus on your heart – concentrate on opening your heart and looking around from your heartand letting your attention come from THAT place, your heart place, instead of your head. Like Tony Stark in Iron Man – envision your heart as your POWER center and shine your light from there – let your attention come from there and pay attention to what your heart has to say to you. Literally ‘breathe’ through your heart – take a deep breath and imagine it coming through your heart and when you exhale, exhale through that same place. ALLOW yourself to be present. ALLOW yourself to be NOW instead of some OTHER WHEN.
You’ll feel differently almost immediately.
- Get in your body and out of your head. Simple things – reach out and touch your beloved.
- Pick up a stone. Feel its weight in your hand.
- Feel the weight and presence of your body sitting in the chair reading this.
- Send your consciousness down into the soles of your feet – FEEL where you are and feel literally grounded – connected to the earth.
Remember – You cannot be present TODAY and someWHEN else at the same time. Commit to bringing your best self to those that you love and care about. Just for today – concentrate on being HERE, being NOW.