Interpersonal level insights…

There are many times where giving something a “big name” just disconnects us from self and the person or situation we’re experiencing. It’s as if we believe that calling something whatever negative or pejorative term, it then makes the response easier.

I’m not a fan of that.

When we respond it shouldn’t be quick or mindless. Our experience of life holds eons of complexity and we don’t need to dumb it down by name calling with charged terms …

Addict

Abusive

Sexist

Homophobic

Racist

Entitled

Why do we feel we need these terms in order to justify our pain? As if saying “when you said that it wounded me” is not enough? And if saying that is not enough… Am I using the terms to shame the person into change? Am I using them to distance myself from the complexity these things bring up in me?

Are they are a way to check out?

After all… When you use these terms things become rather binary, yes? And solutions become “obvious” or so they say. At the point where we use these terms, we escalate from an interpersonal concern, conversation, and compassion to fighting against the “wrong” indicated by the term. There’s no more space for our humanity, it’s us versus them… Good versus bad …and my goodness Is known by my fighting against what this person represents.

This is no longer Uncle Charlie who doesn’t understand people of a different race and whom over time I am enlightening him… No… This is a racist whose views must be eradicated now.

This is not my Aunt who drinks too much and sometimes I make sure she gets home safe…but a woman who is an alcoholic and I need to make sure I’m not being codependent (another charged word) so I tell her she’s on her own.

Are these things bringing us closer to our humanity, or are they “charged” to blow up our connecting one to the other with swift judgments based on whatever is the bad person indicator of the moment.

Perhaps we would do well to remember….We’re dealing with another divine being and We should be as careful and reverential as we would in the most Holy of Temples.

The Divine you seek is in your fellow man.