To achieve anything worthwhile takes work.
Why should marriage be any different?
Years of your life are spent in school preparing to obtain the job you want or the career you want to pursue.
If you wanted to excel in sports, art or singing, you were willing to work at it and spend endless hours practicing.
It wasn’t work – it was a joy.
Whatever your dream, nothing would stop you from tirelessly working to achieve your goal even if it meant foregoing certain pleasures and taking extra classes.
You studied and read every book you could get your hands on to help you get better and eventually become the person you wanted to be. To achieve the dream of whatever it is you were working for.
Do you approach your relationship with as much zeal and enthusiasm?
Unfortunately, most people think it’s a learn as you go project.
They “wing it” on a day-to-day basis and fail to see the mistakes made along the way until it ends in breakup, separation or divorce.
It’s no secret that more than half of all marriages end in divorce and many others are miserably unhappy.
We see this happening all the time – in fact many times when someone compliments us on how happy we are, I can almost hear the echoes of loss in the statement
– I wish I could have a relationship like yours.
Sometimes they say it out loud.
And it breaks my heart – because I truly believe it IS possible for anyone that wants to have an awesome relationship like we have – IF.
The big IF is whether or not you are willing to do the work to have that amazing relationship.
IF you are willing to invest in your future happiness.
IF you are willing to endure the discomfort of abadoning your insecurities and de-story all the things you’ve told yourself over the years about how all this is supposed to work.
Our relationship is a huge responsibliity. We actually discuss it daily.
Its not work – its a pleasure.
Im happier than I’ve ever been in my life in a relationship, and I firmly believe that its because of the work that we both are committed to doing to love and understand each other.
Here’s a BIG SECRET that Im going to share with you – if you do this, ONE thing, theres a good possibility you can find your way to being blissfully happy and we may never work together.
Im good with that.
The SECRET is – work on it before you have to.
Like now for instance. Everything going good?
No arguments, petty disagreements or irritations bothering you? PERFECT.
Take a deep breath. Two if you need to.
Now its time to talk about the relationship! (stop rolling your eyes. Im serious.)
Talk about the relationship. What are your joys? Fears?
What do you most love about him or her…now is your time to share all the words of affirmation and support that you typically THINK in your head without actually SAYING out loud to the person you love.
Give voice to them. Say them now – NOW while there isnt anything serious on the table.
Now while there isnt a Bad Thing that needs to be worked on.
Now while you can look each other in the eye and nobody has to be forgiven for speaking in anger or irritation.
You know how it is…when you are typically “Having The Talk”. With all of that gooey, sticky terribleness that signifies Somethings Wrong Between Us.
Instead – Be present now – talk to each other. Engage with each other. Share your hearts. Be willing to LET GO of the notion that talking about the relationship is some kind of Necessary Evil that is filled with tension and bad feelings.
Believe me, I know how that feels.
I can remember when I was in a previous relationship – just the phrase “can we talk?” made my pulse and respiration spike almost instantly.
When I heard that phrase, I knew that all hell was about the break loose.
As a result I absolutely HATED relationship talks. They were long, difficult, painful affairs that always meant that something was WRONG and it was probably my fault.
I discovered that I been trained by my circumstances and eventually my expectation that ANY relationship talk was by definition a bad one.
Which just plain isnt true. And it doesnt serve our relationship or our happiness.
So I needed to get rid of that story – and replace it with a story that made more sense and fit better with the life that I wanted to lead and the relationship I desired.
Today, communicating about our relationship and what it means to us is never a source of pain or discomfort – in fact,
these are the conversations, the moments that feed us, that sustain us –
If we ever have a tense moment or misunderstanding, its usually resolved in minutes, instead of the hours, days and weeks that used to happen in previous relationships.
This seems like magic – but it’s a skill.
It’s a choice.
Its what we do – not only for each other, but in our practice, helping couples do the Work –
to heal and to grow together instead of apart.
We can teach you how to live and love like this – IF you are willing to do the work.
Invest in yourself – invest in your relationship, your future.
Be truly happy for once.
Do the Work.