Recently I was speaking with someone who recounted to me how she noticed an issue weeks before her Beloved decided to address it. Another friend mentioned wanting to implement lifestyle changes months ago – but her Beloved was only recently beginning to move in that direction. In both cases there was a bit of frustration – why didn’t the men in their lives just make the changes – why did it take so long?
I’m reminded of times when I have noticed something and mentioned it to my Beloved. He may feel it merited action at that moment – but more often it takes time for him to begin to make those changes and they aren’t done in the more sweeping manner that I would do them.
What’s going on?
While some women may want to say “Well I knew that WEEKS ago – and if he had just LISTENED to me when I said things would have been BETTER” – with an air of smug satisfaction – that is also a good way to alienate and sow seeds of resentment in your relationship.
No ladies – he didn’t not heed your advice, insight or suggestion at that moment because he’s incompetent nor is it likely because he doesn’t respect you.
He waited – because he’s a King.
Let us take a look at the chessboard shall we?
The Queen – can make large sweeping moves. Provided there isn’t an opponents’ piece to stop her – she can literally move from one side of the board to the other in one large step. She embodies the Feminine principle. As women we tend to be holistic and view things at the micro level, however because of the details we absorb at the micro level – we, similar to our chessboard counterpart, tend to desire to make broad changes and moves. We notice nuances in color, in vocal tone, in texture of the relationship and ascribe major weight to these details. We are frequently the microscopes of the relationship.
The King – Moves cautiously, meticulously – one move at a time. He can move in any direction just as the queen can – however he does so with more deliberation. The King directs the army on the macro level. As the King goes – so does the Nation (and the game) – hence the King is not swift or sweeping in His movements. The King embodies the Masculine principle. Men are more linear thinkers and Visionaries at the macro level. They tend to think differently than we do about matters. They are frequently the binoculars of the relationship.
Some might say that in chess the King is a figurehead only – and the queen holds all the real power – I’d disagree. Without the King – you lose. Period. This is not to say that the queen is unimportant- she has her own skills and talents. It’s not an either/or proposition. They are DIFFERENT, and any seasoned chess player knows they work best –when they work together.
Recognizing these differences as not being a question of greater than and less than – but a matter of different spheres of insight and skill – means infusing those areas of potential abrasion with a big dose of acceptance and respect. It means realizing that both ways are correct and beneficial for the actualization of the relationship and working together in fulfillment.
We work together with appreciation for our differences not mere tolerance. When we can see beyond our own position into the benefit of someone else’s we play as a team. When we bring this into our awareness we embrace the characteristics inherent in our Mate. Taking the long view, seeing things at the macro level, making deliberate and cautious decisions – the ability to move not only forward – but also side-to-side and (when needed) even backwards, simply means we have a King – and not a pawn.
Originally Posted 01/12/2012