On being a mother and a wife:

When I was a young mother we moved to a city where I knew no one.

* I had no car, no job, and no public transportation.
* I only had my then husband, the church we went to (which was far away), and our two then three, then four children.
* This was before the days when EVERYONE had a computer. We didn’t have a lot of cash (they started at about $2500, which was a king’s ransom to us) and we didn’t have one until a few years later. So I did not have an online community.

I (like generations of women before me) devoted myself to the raising and homeschooling of my children, the keeping of my home, and the learning more about being a wife. For fun I had gardening (sometimes, mostly in pots), reading of many books, and crafting.

I never felt unfit or unable to do the jobs. I remember not being concerned about being able to validate myself outside of this sacred task.

The idea that “it takes a village” is more about the beauty and richness that the village brings to the *child*, it’s not speaking to an idea that mothers need a village.

Don’t get me wrong, women living communally can be a beautiful thing. When I first heard of polygamy and polygyny that’s what I found most awe-inspiring.

The idea of women living together, supporting each other.

That said… NOT having an ideal situation doesn’t mean that you must suffer, end up depleted and exhausted.

I’m in groups with tens of thousands of women… many of these groups are full of young mothers and wives or would be wives. I’ve noticed often that the young mothers are attempting to hold onto to their maidenhood… And that’s where the struggle is. Similarly, single women often attempt to hold onto their single-ness.

This creates stress, frustration, anger, and expectations that can not be met.

This is something that you are taught in cultures where there are rights of passage. In cultures where mothers actually TEACH their daughters. Unfortunately, most of us weren’t taught this. We attempt to hold onto both states and wonder why we can’t. And when we struggle we begin to blame. In truth, the ball of barbed wire named “why?” Is too convoluted to untangle.

It’s simpler and more beneficial to relax into what you will be now.

Come, my love, let me help you to understand.

You did not just give birth… You BECAME a mother. Not a maiden with a baby, you are something else, something completely different.

Something you have never been before.

You did not just get married and have a wedding. You BECAME a wife. It is a new thing that you have become. You embody something… Else.

You have to be willing to undergo the metamorphosis. To let what was die, and be reborn.

This rebirth is not about just taking on a role (like a job title in corporate). You embody a different energy. You are fed by different things. Your longing change.

I hear women’s fears…
I don’t want to lose myself!!!!

I get it my darling…
But…
You no longer know what is “myself”
And this is the question that remains unanswered.
This is the doorway of terror and fear.

You are not what you once were.
You must let go of that idea if you would have peace.
If you would learn to find fulfillment.

What once fed you, won’t anymore.
And it’s no one’s fault.
Yes, you can get full off if it… But it won’t nourish the soul.

No, you won’t starve my love…although I know you fear this greatly.
You won’t die.
You have new food sources now.

You just need to learn to surrender.

Love,