We were talking this morning listening to the rain outside, Namaste was looking at some of her material for an upcoming workshop she is leading called “Exhale” which focuses on teaching women how to add the power of the feminine back into their lives.
She turned to me and read me a passage from her notes;
“To lead a fulfilling, healthy and passionate life where we create what we want for ourselves and our communities, we must start adding the feminine principle back into our experience to compliment the strong and unwavering masculine.”
She then followed that up with a question – “If the feminine is all about being dynamic and ephemeral, and the masculine counterpart is strong and unwavering…do you see the masculine principle today showing up as strong and unwavering?”
I had to think about that for a while – as much as I would like to say an emphatic YES – Im elated to report that the masculine is showing up in the world as strong and unwavering as EVAR!!…that’s really not true. I must say that in my experience Im seeing the obverse of strong and unwavering from the masculine these days. Nevertheless I don’t want to cast wide aspersions here – its not all doom and gloom – actually what I see most often is a masculine principle that is neutral most of the time, strong when it MUST be strong and wavering situationally most of the time.
Stuck in neutral
Before I learned to drive, whenever my parents would take me with them running errands or visiting friends, I would often stay in the car I would immediately hop into the drivers seat and sit there, imagining the day when I would be able to drive. Driving to me at that pre-teen stage of my life represented the ultimate freedom. To be able to go where I wanted – awesome! Looking at what appeared to be an incredible array of instrumentation, I remember noticing for the first time the letters above the steering column…PRND321…
R obviously was for Reverse, D for drive and so on. What about N? N for me at that time was a mystery – I asked my Dad and found out that N was for Neutral. What’s Neutral? – Neutral is for when the engine is running, but the car isn’t moving. Neutral disengages the gears so you can’t use the engine to move the vehicle either forward or backward.
What does this have to do with the masculine principle? Many men are ‘stuck’ in Neutral. We do not feel strongly one way or the other about most things…and we’ve been indoctrinated by our society that the highest acceptable expression of masculinity that one should aspire to is the development of a personality that is easy going, easy to get along with – accommodating and ‘nice’. Not fierce, strong, unwavering, consistent – just ‘nice’. Nice guys end up in the ‘friend’ box all the time and are bewildered why the women they are into cant “just see” how much they are into them. Being stuck in neutral keeps us from showing up as strong and unwavering. Instead, men believe that we can inspire passion and desire through being easygoing, accomodating to a fault, and giving into and over anything that is requested of us. Showing up in this way has serious repercussions for our relationships, regardless of the duration.
No Polarity = No Passion
A lack of polarity thwarts the dance of courtship – men who do not inhabit the masculine rarely if ever show up on the ‘radar’ of the women they are interested in. A relationship in its infancy will be stillborn – even though the man may believe that he’s doing everything neccessary to make her happy and therefore inspire attraction to him, he’s often secretly heartbroken when her attentions wane and his affections are not returned in equal measure. Older relationships that have slowly drifted away from polarity experience a gradual descent from passion into a quiet platonic friendship. Which can be satisfying for a time…until something or someone happens, sometimes external to the relationship that inspires polarity in either the masculine or the feminine. As changes in the waterlevel in a lake can cause islands to appear that were not previously visible, the appearance of polarity adjacent to a polarity-less relationship can quickly expose a lack of passion.
Next: Is Neutral F**cking Up Our Relationships?