One of the most common thing I see with women in relationships is the tendency to “Push.”
It’s one of the things I hear comedians talk about all the time. How women don’t know how to let go, how to be quiet. When to stop.
This is true. While the Masculine tends to become VERY still, detached, check out when they get frustrated, the Feminine becomes more and more contracted, shrill, and in some ways, hyper focused on nuance.
Here’s the thing ladies- if you’re wanting a Masculine Man. A conscious masculine man – you have to lean back and provide space for him to find his masculine expression.
No, you can’t TELL him what that will look like- as how a man’s masculine essence shows up is different for each man.
When Richard and I first met I knew that I wanted a Beloved whose vision I could follow. Who would treat me as a queen and who would be my king, with all that entailed.
I knew that I wanted to surrender in my love of my Beloved. Yes, I said surrender. The idea of a relationship in which I am always pushing, pressing and forcing my “rights”, “will”, and “needs” sounds exhausting to me. My core desired feelings in a love relationship are to feel precious, protected, appreciated and intoxicating. At no time did I want an adversarial relationship with my Love.
I also knew enough about myself and had 10 years of marriage under my belt to know that I could be opinionated, passionate and pushy at times. I had to learn to change some of that if I was going to attract a masculine man and then have the ability to sustain the relationship.
Add to all of this abandonment issues and rejection/trust issues and I was a prime target to get into a relationship that was horrid at one end and mundane at the other.
Then how did I end up with the Man of my DREAMS? A man who’s conscious, intelligent, emotionally available, passionate and spiritual?
Basically, I learned to lean back. What does that mean? It means I learned that if I was going to be in a happy, thriving relationship I had to let go of some of my issues surrounding control – even though they seemed quite justified and very much in alignment with what society said was appropriate.
Leaning back and Diving in – is all about not attempting to push your thoughts, feelings, perspectives on the man in order to manipulate him to do what you want him to do. In fact – if you’re approaching any of this from a place of “Great – if I do _____ than it’ll make him/get him to do ______” you’re already leaning in and doing it wrong.
Love is never about Force or manipulation.
So often when I read the information and suggestions given to women concerning creating and sustaining relationships it seems like the idea of being love and giving love is totally absent.
The goal is to GET love.
Love is freely given. Leaning back says:
“I will interact with you from a place of my own power and serenity. I know who I am, I am invested in being close to you, and I give to you acceptance.
That acceptance may mean that our paths are compatible for a relationship for now or forever. It may also mean that our paths are incompatible and I’m okay with that as well. I will allow myself to feel what I’m feeling without the compulsion to project it onto you verbally or emotionally. I will Dive into the universes within myself and the deep wisdom and nurturing I can provide my heart and soul. Every time I feel the need to Push – instead I’ll Dive deeper within my own depths. ”
Sit with that for a bit. It’s scary I know – but all great things have a bit of fear in their undertaking. If you need help – contact us!