How ‘neutral’ f**ks up your relationship
Im not implying that authenticity demands that we embrace the antithesis of being ‘nice’ – I don’t want to demonize that word, because I truly believe that it is always appropriate to be a generally pleasant person, regardless of one’s gender. On the other hand, I also know that the tidal forces of attraction, of passion in our relationships are ignited by the celebration of our differences. There must be a tension of sorts between the ‘poles’ if you will of masculine and feminine energies.
Feminine energy can show up in being dynamic and ephemeral…its counterpart, masculine energy shows up as being strong and unwavering. The tension between those two states of being = polarity. Polarity provides a transformative energy to our relationships – using the energy of polarity we each become more interesting in the eyes of the other – we become interesting, wondrous beings that generate attraction because we are so different and therefore special – we are unique and worthy of attention because of the energy of polarity.
The importance of Men ‘showing up’
When men park our masculinity in ‘neutral’ – we stop showing up in the world as a generator of polarity in our relationship. Neither hot nor cold, we are comfortably ‘still’ vibrationally speaking. Easy going, we spend most of our time in our heads, thinking our thoughts. Physically we may appear to be vaguely distracted, like we are listening to a barely audible radio station that is broadcasting something really important that only we can hear. Constantly living between the now and the ‘not yet’ these men seem to have all their energy in reserve. Almost always ‘reserving’ your energy, your judgement, your passion – you seem to be perpetually waiting for something. This is a source of frustration for many women and a growing area of confusion for many men. For men stuck in Neutral -all can seem like peace and tranquility on the surface. Nothing ‘bad’ is happening, there has not been an argument or a cross word spoken in ages – you appear to be ‘getting along’. As a result you feel blindsided by her sudden irritation or unhappiness and you think that she’s just making things up, just being disagreeable for no reason or just being unfairly emotional about nothing. After all, YOU havent done anything to be objectionable about, right? Bingo.
How Nothing becomes a Big Deal
The ‘nothing’ that is going on in your relationship eventually puts her in a state of unease that grows and grows until it eventually erupts in some dramatic and unexpected way. You arent contributing your passion to the relationship. You arent really present during conversations and rarely if ever voice a strongly held opinion about ANYTHING. When do YOU bring things up that YOU want to talk about? When’s the last time you had a discussion where SHE was the person that couldnt fit a word in edgewise because you were talking so much? You think being quiet and calm and unassuming equates with being ‘easy to get along with’ when the reality is that your silences are becoming more and more frustrating for your woman. She feels like she’s carrying everything on her shoulders and making all the decisions. She decides everything – you just agree. That’s called Not Showing Up for y’all playing the home version.
You literally arent showing up on the radar…which means that the pleasure she once took in taking care of you gets drained out of the bucket over time …because you arent ‘in residence’ she ends up feeling like she’s taking RESPONSIBLITY for both of you. Which is exhausting for her and puts her in a very masculine mindset and energy. You think you are ‘in charge’ because she asks your opinion…some of the time? Or checks with you periodically to see if you’re still alive and have something to contribute? Why is she irritable? Perhaps because running on that kind of fuel doesnt ‘feed’ her (like it used to feed you) – therefore she’s always exhausted and feels like she’s burning the candle at both ends. Yah, I know Im sounding a little harsh around the edges here. That’s okay – I really need you to wake the fuck up before things blow up. So yes – Im hitting you with a few shots here, but trust me its all in love. The alarm clock is irritating by design – otherwise you would oversleep every day. Dont hit the snooze button. Pay attention.
Next; What is Negative Masculininty?