If you’ve followed me for any length of time you know that Feminine energy moves differently than Masculine energy. It isn’t lesser than – but it is very different. Sometimes – well often- the difference is interpreted by women as being lesser, and therefore we replace it with masculine energy.
Let’s take a common term – used all over…
I see women saying all the time that they want to be Impactful. Women leaders and teachers of women’s’ leadership teach women how to make an impact.
Female activists are always looking for “Impact”
I’m even enrolled in a Business Academy that has Impact as part of the name.
What’s interesting is that Impact has never held an energetic pulse of pleasure in my womb space. Externally it felt thrilling but internally it felt… discordant.
For the longest time I didn’t understand why… was something wrong with me? Did I have a deep-seated fear of success? Was any woman who didn’t “feel” impact resonant for her- running from her own power as all the personal development teachers seemed to think?
In order to explain this we need to take a bit of a detour…
Every year since it’s release my beloved and I do Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map at the end of the year as a practice in clarifying our intention for the New Year.
Our practice is to allow the feelings and words to arise and choose us – rather than to choose them. We do this as a couple, as a family, as a biz and individually.
The first year,“Influential” was one of my words.
It was big and beautiful.
It captured so much. It held resonance.
Yes, Influence was juicy.
And challenging as well.
The “problem” with influence- as I learned that first year playing with it … is that influence requires letting go of your ego, because that which is influential upon us is rarely recognized as such until much, much later- if at all.
Influence is a whisper- not a roar.
That first year I kept saying I wanted to be more influential. And I’d watch people quote both my Beloved and I without mentioning our names, My business coach at the time said I should try to get testimonials on specific results my clients got from working with me. I could see the shifts and so could they but while they’d say it really helped them they weren’t very public about it and when they were it was ephemeral – “Namaste is an awesome coach”. Sometimes they’d tell me about their response to a specific situation and they seemed to have forgotten we’d spoken at all.
It was irritating.
It really undermined my sense of being good at what I did.
I started to question myself even while having so many people telling me that I was indeed influential.
There seemed to be a disconnect.
So I went to Spirit and said “Hey there… You gave me influence this year and this doesn’t seem to be working out so show me what I need to do because obviously, I suck at this!”
And I was told to “look it up”
So I did.
Let’s take a look at the etymology of both terms, shall we?
Impact: to push into, dash against, thrust at
Influence: streaming ethereal power from the stars when in certain positions, acting upon character or destiny of men; emanation from the stars that acts upon one’s character and destiny”; to flow into
An emanation is something that springs out of. It is the literal soul of something.
Impact is more Masculine. It is not lesser per se but it is externally and forcefully driven. Much of what passes for activism, power and success in modern society is based on impact.
In relationships – Impact will allow you your Opinion but will rarely get you truly heard. You’ll be looked at but rarely deeply seen. Feared but not appreciated. You will judge your partner but not accept them.
In business – Impact can get you to success, but you won’t enjoy the journey and may not even recognize when you’ve gotten there. It creates combative work environments,
In society- Impact is revolutionary. It’s also why revolution doesn’t work. It changes the landscape but not the ecosystem that created it.
Impact will create a quick awareness. It will wake someone up. However it is not sustainable and because it is externally driven the backlash against it can have far less than desirable results.
Influence on the other hand is Feminine. It is fluid and etheric. It is the way women have always created shifts and changes that are long lasting. It is the real reason why the success of a family, business, or society is often determined by the internal caliber of the women.
In relationships – Influence is simply you emanating. Your presence is so soothing that all around you softens. It creates a container of harmony that elicits the response of appreciation, value, and care, Your partner feels MORE powerful and more confident. Your children feel more able to go out into the world and more comforted.
In business – Influence makes you invaluable even though no one knows why. It’s not simply what you do that creates the shift – it is the doing flowing out from the being. All that is known is that things are better when you are there… but no one really knows WHY.
In society- Influence causes shifts at the micro levels that change the whole system. If the societal DNA changes the whole society changes even if no one realizes it. The hearts of the people change and so the society itself changes- not just the laws.
Influence is literally the immaterial and unobservable force of energy flowing out from and into that produces effect.
While Impact will deplete and often cause bitterness in feminine women – Influence requires us to grow up in many ways – you have to be comfortable being fluid power instead of forceful power. In short you have to not need a bunch of external validation. (Which is different than desiring appreciation).Yes it’s nice to get credit for what we do. Yes it’s nice to be noticed. It is possible to be appreciated in our influence but it also requires us to receive appreciation (increase in value) that comes in feminine and relational ways – not transactional and functional ways. Over time I was able refine my frequency and internal state so that I attracted more people who were sensitive enough to recognize the influence I had and to offer the “I see you”. It’s as if the less I made it something I HAD to have (contrary to what all the business gurus said) – the more it came. That too was a lesson.
For me- influence was easy relationally and societally… but was a bit challenging in my business. Once I relaxed into the power of my own influence – I blossomed and so did my business.
What I’ve noticed over the course of consciously playing with Influence in very deliberate ways for nearly 4 years now – is that it causes you to ask some hard questions, and in exchange it offers some real depth in terms of Desire and what truly fulfills you. It’s illuminating.
Questions for you to play with:
Where have I been focused on Impact even if I didn’t know it?
Where have I had an influence even if I didn’t recognize it?
Do I value Impact over Influence?
Am I willing to increase my influence?
I am willing to lesson Impact as a driver?
What aspect of Influence challenges me?
In the private group for Members of The School of Feminine Transformation We’re doing a deep dive into what this means and how this beautiful energy can help us… I invite you to join us –Get SOFT