The greatest thing that undermines a woman’s ability to have a happy relationship with herself as well as a Masculine Complement, is not the narrative of her own life- but her internalization of the narrative that is fed to her by her family/society:…
Relationship Lessons: He’s a Man, not your best Girl friend part 2
Many ladies have asked me “How does making him my best girlfriend look”…
Here’s the thing my love… It looks different for everyone.
I know this sounds crazy but if you’re in a permanent partnership and you find yourself often offended by how he’s choosing to spend his time, by his interests etc; that’s a good sign that you’re trying to make Him into your Girlfriend….
Relationship Lessons- He’s a Man, not your Girlfriend darling. Part 1
Good morning lovelies,
I awakened this morning thinking about relationships. One of the biggest mistakes a woman can make is to try to make her husband/boyfriend into her best GIRLfriend.
Don’t get me wrong my loves, my King is definitely my BESTfriend and Favorite Human… But He’s not my girl friend and there’s a distinction with a Huge difference in that.
Many women don’t understand or realize how they do this nor are they conscious of why they do this or the eroding this does to the relationship….
Women and men think differently.
Because we think differently and have distinct needs it is of high benefit for us to begin to engage with one another based on the reality of what we desire and how we connect – rather than based on the judgment that He should be like She and vice versa.
Understanding Masculine/Feminine Relationship Dynamics:
Years ago I read a book called “The Surrendered Wife”, while the premise of the book and many of the ideas SEEMED good there was an undercurrent I simply couldn’t shake.
No matter how much the book spoke of respect, and how to relate and surrender … there was still something there…
eventually, it hit me.
It taught a very common “Thing”, only cloaked in SEEMING acquiescence.
Our focus is not merely on helping people get together, but on creating something that lasts a lifetime.
We’ve been teaching on this for years and I’m still astounded at how resistant most people are to relationship teaching. Having taught literally thousands of people I’ve noticed some interesting trends my loves:
You asked and we heard you! On Sunday, March 26, is the Long Awaited Courtship Masterclass!! With a Divorce rate over 50% just “letting it happen” no longer works….
On how we call a thing- (I have no idea why all of this is flowing from my belly tonight but I’m the Conduit so let me get out the way…)
My loves- ONLY call him “my King” if you’re willing to tie the state of your Kingdom (vision, purpose) to HIS.
If you aren’t willing to alter your kingdom for his, to make his people your people (family, children etc;) then he is not YOUR King- although he may be A King….
I am so happy to see so many women acknowledging their need for their King/Husband/Masculine Beloved!
This is VITAL to our well-being and yet it can be so challenging because so many of us have been taught NOT to need him. Either through our upbringing, through our experiences with having our heart broken, through being taught that need breeds codependent behavior or abuse or any number of things…
The truth is you need him because without him you’re living a life where you ARE compensating for the lack of him. Without him, you can’t occupy your space fully because you end up trying to do both. The desire to “not need a man” is one of the most soul-sucking, depleting and stress causing ideologies ever taken up by women.
It causes us to see stress as a necessary aspect of life, to work harder than we should and to see challenge as a virtue that we need.
Here’s a secret darlings, as Feminine Women, you’re not made to be stressed. That’s not what you’re built for. You’re built for beauty and pleasure and all the”push” and irritation you may have felt towards “those women” who don’t work hard or seem to live a life of joy only separates you further from the truth that… That is YOUR birthright as well!
Here’s a list of over twenty ways that I need my husband just before noon…I wrote these down yesterday as they occurred, this is after being together 14 years darlings…
*Wakes me up with kisses (affection)
* Orders things for our family (providing)
* Carrying heavy bags (protecting)
* Opens doors (protecting)
* Tips drivers (providing)
* Protects me with his presence (security)
* Gives me hugs and touches (affection)
* Lets me lay on him when I’m tired (affection and protecting)
* Expressed concern over my well-being (protection, care)
* Makes sure I eat (providing)
* Gives me his coat or buys me one if I get cold (protection/providing)
* Gives me directions so I’m safe (protection/guidance)
* Looks out for me, aware of my movements (security)
* Understands me (comfort)
* Anchors be when I feel unsettled or concerned (protection, providing, leading)
* Makes me laugh (companionship)
* Affirms my femininity (companionship)
* Stands guard so I don’t have to armor up ever (protecting)
* Holds my hand, touches my back (affection, protecting)
* Guides me through crowds (leading, protection)
* Drives while I provide lovely conversation (leading, protection)
* Negotiates purchases and rentals (providing)
* Makes decisions (protection, providing, leading)
Many women may say… “But I don’t need that”..the metaphor I like to use is that when your body is lacking an essential nutrient, your body doesn’t say “I need this”, typically for a very long time you’ll function without it. But you will see the *evidence* of the lack in various places and perhaps not realize the reason why.
It’s the same here… Without out all the ways a Healthy polarized dynamic works… You experience a great deal of deficiency, and call it life. Stress, fear, depletion, exhaustion, irritability, anxiety, anger, lack of patience, sadness, and more… All stemming from a lack of intimate masculine connection.
Learn more, get SOFT™ – bit.ly/GetSOFT
The tendency is to focus too much on doing and not enough on being.
To take the smallest touch of being and translate it into doing…
It’s like assuming a handshake means it’s time to make love.
Our discomfort with the process that is Remembering and Coming Home, makes it take longer, more challenging and more painful.
It is why in many traditions the first step is to be stripped of everything. The modern western mind rebels against this fiercely. We hold tight to our opinions, feelings, beliefs, perspectives.
We confuse this with our Self.
And God, they laugh.
You are none of these my darling… You are SOMETHING MORE.
You are worth the journey of coming home to
You have been upside down… It’s time to be Righted.
You’ve been trying to use branches for roots.
Mistaking leaves for fruit.
Your roots are parched and dry… They must be deeply planted in the soil.
Watering branches will only cause rot.
It is watered roots that thrive.
You don’t force growth… You simply tend to the plant and the growth happens.
You allow it.
Learn why and how inside… bit.ly/GetSOFT
Let’s talk my loves…
We have a dog who we love named Layla…
When we got her she was a puppy. Her former owner did not tell us her true age. She was much younger than we were told. She did not receive the imprinting of how to be a dog that she should have from her mother and littermates. Because of that, Layla has some very not dog-like behaviors.
Marriage is like this my loves.
Getting a relationship is not difficult.
Getting married is not difficult.
However staying married… That’s where the work is.
Many ask why is it that making love last and making marriages last are so difficult…
It’s very simple darling.
*Most American adults are single.
*Most marriages end in divorce
*Of those that DON’T divorce, a significant portion are unhappy (have you ever known a couple that seemed perfect for years, then divorced a year later? It happens all the time)
All of this adds up to many of us not having the needful skills and experiential imprinting from our families and home life to make a relationship sustainable. Statistically, most of us grew up with one parent at home, with a mother who worked away from home, even if our parents were together frequently they were not happy. We also grew up in a time period where the imagery we saw by storytellers (aka media) portrayed lying, deceit, selfishness, disrespect etc; as part and parcel of relationships and adulting.
Soaking in this madness for years in a hypnotic trance it’s amazing we get together at all.
And yet for some reason, the vast majority of people truly believe that they know how to have a healthy happy relationship.
That would be like me saying I know how to make Turkish delight because I read the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.
The way that humans have sustained HAPPY relationships from the beginning of time is by observing intimately and listening to those who have them.
In other words, They were taught.
Unfortunately, we are at a state where there are very few people who can teach this needful Alchemy.
You can’t teach what you don’t know.
You can’t lead where you won’t go.
Our culture is such that the average relationship length is just a bit over two years.
This is why SOFT (the School of Feminine Transformation) and SoA (School of Alchemy) is imperative. Yes, we share tons of free lessons, but the deep courses, tools, and practical embodiment can only be learned by those invested. These are mysteries that we don’t share outside of the container of commitment. And yes, Femininity is definitely connected to life-long partnership.
Learn why and how inside… bit.ly/GetSOFT
Feminine Lessons- There is a lot of ambiguity that occurs when one is not married or has not had a commitment ceremony. I get asked about this a great deal…
I suggest the use of the following terms as indicators for various states in the evolution of relationship.
Yes, some of these have fallen out of use, which is part of the problem in my estimation. Since words are containers for meaning, The use of ambiguous terms tends to incline towards ambiguous states.
Ladies try these on:
Gentleman Caller- a gentleman who has expressed interest in you.
Companion- a person with whom you spend time, but no commitment to exclusivity is implied or inferred.
Beau- Boyfriend, person you are being courted by.
Fiancé- person you are engaged to.
Spouse/Partner – reserved for intentional, lifelong commitment.
Learn more, get SOFT™ – bit.ly/GetSOFT