Family

On Civility

April 23, 2018 by Namaste Leave a Comment

Recently BaBa Richard and I have been teaching on Civility using PM Forni’s “Choosing Civility” as a textbook. (Teaching available at schoolofalchemy.love) Our students have been so blown away and have told us that this teaching is making a HUGE distinction in their lives because they didn’t realize how many common behaviors are UNCIVIL.

One of the fundamental principles of civility found in the book is:

“Courtesy, politeness, manners, and civility are all, in essence, forms of awareness. Being civil means being constantly aware of others and weaving restraint, respect, and consideration into the very fabric of this awareness. Civility is a form of goodness; it is gracious goodness.”

Restraint
Respect
Consideration

These three words say so very much. One of the benefits of this teaching (as opposed to simply reading the book) is that it provides an opportunity to unpack real present day concerns and to place them within the framework of Civility. Students get to really SEE and understand not just how to be civil but how much JOY and PLEASURE civility adds to your life RIGHT NOW today….

Teaching Your Daughter

April 18, 2018 by Namaste Leave a Comment

Dear mama,

You have a responsibility to teach your daughter not only that she can do anything…but to take responsibility for what she does.

Teach her the courage of her station…not only that she has ability…but the Wisdom of what she does with it.

Help her come into herself…by being an example of what A Whole woman looks like. How she loves. How she embraces the world.

Teach her comfort in a lack of control.
Contentment in being…

Water deep roots in her by not needing her to validate YOU….

Be Brave, Mama

August 19, 2017 by Namaste Leave a Comment

I recently read an article in Cosmopolitan against celebrating the gender of one’s baby.
The person who wrote it seemed to have a big chip on her shoulder against baby showers in general and even gestational markers as being things that convey to a woman that her value is in her ability to grow a tiny human.

She suggests that women have other things to be concerned about and this is what’s adding to the stress.

I’d like to offer a completely different take……

Leave Her Soft

July 13, 2017 by Namaste Leave a Comment

For all the little girls that will be born tomorrow and the little girls crying within the women of today….

……

If you love her… Leave her Soft.

Don’t harden her and toughen her up.
Let her be a princess, a ballerina, let her wear tiaras and tutus. Being Feral is just another word for being neglected and living without love. Don’t demand she hustle and grind and “use her head”.

…

Why Family Units Are in Disarray

February 23, 2017 by Namaste Leave a Comment

My loves…In the modern western world, children lead families… and this is why our family units are in such disarray.

Parents allow the children’s likes and dislikes to determine the direction of the family ensuring the children grow up without roots… Without a sense of self…

It’s exactly the opposite of what is Beneficial.

You see beloved most of us grew up and due to our Psychological and Therapy based culture have been taught that all that is wrong in our lives is the result of the ineptitude of our parents.
We’ve believed that if our parents just did something different we’d be different. Happier. More content.
The list of wrongs our parents committed again us is long and pervasive. From religion or lack of religion. Working too hard or not enough. Forcing us to spend family time or never having family time. Being strict or lenient. It doesn’t matter what they did they did it WRONG.

In addition, many of us spent most of our childhood in daycare as opposed to at home, meaning that we learned very early the power of peer pressure and that our being “good” and worthy of love was not innate but something we earned.

We grow up and have children. Above all, we don’t want to parent as we were parented. We don’t want the magnifying glass of judgment pointed in our direction and so we abdicate in many ways our sacred charge…
-To RAISE and TRAIN our children according to the Mystery that they are- In favor of seeking validation from our children for who we are.

As the parent YOU have the responsibility, no matter how challenging and sometimes counter culture, to set the vision, tone, and direction of the family… Even if your children or society doesn’t like it.
Which means my loves..
You must get out of your own judgment about your parents, so you can free yourself to be the parent your child needs.

They choose you after all… Flaws and weaknesses and all.

Give your child your truth and they’ll learn to stand in theirs.
Live your life out loud and they’ll learn they can too.
Love yourself and they’ll learn they can love themselves.
Be respectful to everyone and they learn respect of themselves and others.
Be gentle to you as well as them and they’ll learn they are worthy of gentleness.

Stop waiting for your children to lead you my loves, when they are waiting to be taught by you.

Learn more, get SOFT™ – bit.ly/GetSOFT

Love,

Don’t deFeminize Your Daughters

February 22, 2017 by Namaste Leave a Comment

There are many fathers that in their desire to protect their daughters attempt to deFeminize them. The long-term effects of this on the Feminine psyche of your daughter is devastating.

Although it’s never spoken of, It’s as harmful as a mother emasculating her son.

Having spoken to literally hundreds (perhaps thousands) of women who have experienced this let me speak to you dads…

Yes, she’ll still love you.
Yes, she’ll be strong and less likely to get hurt.
Yes, she’ll know she’s capable of doing anything a man can do…

And

* she’ll also question what’s wrong with her and why she always longs to be handled softly.
* Whenever she experiences her Feminine vulnerability and longing she’ll feel like she’s betraying you.
* She’ll have a deep-seated internal conflict that will often take years for her to heal and become whole.
* She will be less likely to attract a man who will feel protective, and who will have the desire to handle her gently because she doesn’t seem to need that or him.
* On some level… Deep down inside she’ll wonder (and never ask)-why YOU didn’t protect her, instead of forcing her to protect herself and treating her tenderness as weakness.

If your daughter is Feminine…It is her nature to be fluid. To be vulnerable. To be sensitive. To nurture and care.

To NOT be like you in so many ways.
This isn’t about personality, it’s about seeing her essence. You are her first imprint of what to expect from men. (This is why you must heal yourself from any internalized loathing or disconnection from your own Gender or Masculine Essence)

She is made to be SOFT.
This is not weakness, it’s her strength dad. It’s the seed of her enjoying her life and knowing that her desires are worthy of having, that her feelings are valuable and her tender heart is safe.

How you treat her determines what she believes the world will offer her. Your “covering” and protection informs on how she perceives the Masculine Divine (or G-d).

Stop trying to toughen her up.
Treat her like a princess and she’ll understand her birthright is to be queen.

Learn more, get SOFT™ – bit.ly/GetSOFT

Love,

The Importance of Mothers Staying Home

December 19, 2016 by Namaste Leave a Comment

My loves, Someone asked me Why am I being so vocal about mothers staying home…Why is this message so needful?

The reason is simple. There is no more effective way to transform a society than at the level of the maternal-child relationship.

Every man and every woman was once a child. A baby. And the role of the mother in developing the child is immeasurable. She can only truly understand this from the space of connecting with herself deeply and parenting from there.

For too long we have attempted to get our society and communities to do what is OURS to do. We have made them (this nebulous undefinable “them” ) responsible for our children’s formation. We have tried to give the responsibility for our children’s sense of safety, self-esteem, fairness, kindness, self-image, connection, etc to external forces beyond our control.

Don’t misunderstand my love. This is NOT about blaming mothers… This is about understanding the amazingly powerful and irreplaceable role of a mother so we can reclaim not the title, but the ability to inhabit the space.

Let’s introduce the Alchemy… in the modern world, we are only taught how to have the Form. We are not taught how to BE the Function, and thus we deny and are denied the power, the potency of the position. This creates not mothers but Maidens with children, regardless of age. Not wives but girlfriends with rings. Not wise elders but people who have survived long enough to be merely senior citizens. With great power comes great responsibility. With each Age or Period of life comes a Power and a Responsibility. This power and responsibility is something so ineffable it can not be described in a way for you to understand it. You must experience it. It goes beyond the intellect and far beyond the qualifiers of measurements based on the right amount of hours for XYZ activities.

If a mother is still enough… Quiet enough… She can feel it within herself… The quiet voice of mother wit. She knows and she’s always known. That’s why she’s frustrated and frazzled.
She can not do it all.
She’s not supposed to, no one is.
She just needs to do her part.

And this is her part.

Get support for all your Ages and Stages. Get SOFT.

Love,

There Is Power In Being At Home

December 19, 2016 by Namaste Leave a Comment

My loves,
If mothers really knew the power of being at home they’d all flee the workplace like it was on fire.

There’s such deep alchemy there.
Open
Your
Eyes

Let me say, my love, … unpartnered mamas… If you want to be home with your children it is possible you just have to first connect with the desire and then get creative and think outside the box.

The idea that you have to hustle, work two and three jobs etc., etc.; is simply not the ONLY way. For those who are consciously choosing that… This message isn’t for you. For those who feel like you can’t do anything else… If you started planning now, you could be doing something way different within a year.

Begin with believing its possible!!

Learn more, get SOFT™ – bit.ly/GetSOFT

Love,

On Being A Mother and A Wife

November 21, 2016 by Namaste Leave a Comment

On being a mother and a wife:

When I was a young mother we moved to a city where I knew no one.

* I had no car, no job, and no public transportation.
* I only had my then husband, the church we went to (which was far away), and our two then three, then four children.
* This was before the days when EVERYONE had a computer. We didn’t have a lot of cash (they started at about $2500, which was a king’s ransom to us) and we didn’t have one until a few years later. So I did not have an online community.

I (like generations of women before me) devoted myself to the raising and homeschooling of my children, the keeping of my home, and the learning more about being a wife. For fun I had gardening (sometimes, mostly in pots), reading of many books, and crafting.

I never felt unfit or unable to do the jobs. I remember not being concerned about being able to validate myself outside of this sacred task.

The idea that “it takes a village” is more about the beauty and richness that the village brings to the *child*, it’s not speaking to an idea that mothers need a village.

Don’t get me wrong, women living communally can be a beautiful thing. When I first heard of polygamy and polygyny that’s what I found most awe-inspiring.

The idea of women living together, supporting each other.

That said… NOT having an ideal situation doesn’t mean that you must suffer, end up depleted and exhausted.

I’m in groups with tens of thousands of women… many of these groups are full of young mothers and wives or would be wives. I’ve noticed often that the young mothers are attempting to hold onto to their maidenhood… And that’s where the struggle is. Similarly, single women often attempt to hold onto their single-ness.

This creates stress, frustration, anger, and expectations that can not be met.

This is something that you are taught in cultures where there are rights of passage. In cultures where mothers actually TEACH their daughters. Unfortunately, most of us weren’t taught this. We attempt to hold onto both states and wonder why we can’t. And when we struggle we begin to blame. In truth, the ball of barbed wire named “why?” Is too convoluted to untangle.

It’s simpler and more beneficial to relax into what you will be now.

Come, my love, let me help you to understand.

You did not just give birth… You BECAME a mother. Not a maiden with a baby, you are something else, something completely different.

Something you have never been before.

You did not just get married and have a wedding. You BECAME a wife. It is a new thing that you have become. You embody something… Else.

You have to be willing to undergo the metamorphosis. To let what was die, and be reborn.

This rebirth is not about just taking on a role (like a job title in corporate). You embody a different energy. You are fed by different things. Your longing change.

I hear women’s fears…
I don’t want to lose myself!!!!

I get it my darling…
But…
You no longer know what is “myself”
And this is the question that remains unanswered.
This is the doorway of terror and fear.

You are not what you once were.
You must let go of that idea if you would have peace.
If you would learn to find fulfillment.

What once fed you, won’t anymore.
And it’s no one’s fault.
Yes, you can get full off if it… But it won’t nourish the soul.

No, you won’t starve my love…although I know you fear this greatly.
You won’t die.
You have new food sources now.

You just need to learn to surrender.

Love,

P.S – If you’d like a sacred container to hold you, love you, accept you as you Transform – I invite you to join: http://tinyurl.com/GetSOFT

On Mothering Sons

November 13, 2016 by Namaste Leave a Comment

More on parenting, specifically sons – this will challenge you perhaps darling, breathe through it…

Research has shown that after the age of 8 males receive VERY LITTLE touch. Unless they shake hands, are in sports or are having sex men don’t receive touch.

Understand the enormity of this…

Some men go YEARS without touch.

If you think this isn’t a huge problem, please think again.

This means mamas stop touching our sons after 8 ladies.

Rape – is a crime of VIOLENCE all men do not rape.

All men do not need to be taught not to rape.

The idea that you do need to teach men not to rape is as ludicrous as saying Muslims need to be taught not to commit jihad.

It’s based on fear and ignorance no matter the amount of degrees the person saying it has.

What does this have to do with parenting?

In our zeal to jump on social justice bandwagons, to heal our own wounds and our deep fear and desire to NOT BE “THAT” mom-I’m observing many mothers teaching their sons about consent by stopping them when they go to hug, snuggle our be affectionate with them and saying “Wait…you need my consent first” I’ve seen this start as young as the age of 2.

I’m weeping as I write this.

Sorry mama… but preventing your child from hugging you is not the most beneficial way to teach consent. It’s making your child pay a price for something they did NOT do.

I’m going to say it again. RAPE is not a masculine default nor is assault, allowing these social justice issues to creep into creating clinical parents is only contributing to the issue.

This is no different than single moms raising their sons under the fear of masculine abandonment, and the same issues will begin to show up.

Our sons need more affection, not less.

They need to be talked with more, and at less.

They need to be trusted more, given more responsibility, believed in more… not less.

Don’t forget – not only are you teaching them how to treat women – you’re also giving them the first treatment they receive BY a woman they love.

Do you want to be his first rejection?

Refuse to make your child responsible for the behaviors of some.

Love,

P.S – If you’d like a sacred container to hold you, love you, accept you as you Transform – I invite you to join: http://tinyurl.com/GetSOFT

Why Mothers Are Depleted

November 13, 2016 by Namaste Leave a Comment

On mothering: Why mothers are depleted.

My darlings,

I’m going to tell you what is depleting western mothers. One reason why there is so much exhaustion and frustration.

There is a confusion between mothering and managing.

Most mothers are managing- which is tiring and requires respite from for feminine women. Managing has at its root, to control, to take in hand, to exercise power over.

But mothering is more about nurturing- which is educating, bringing forth, nourishing.

Don’t just read that beloved… Feel that.

There’s an innate ease to it.

A softening.

We tend to confuse the two.

When mothers are managing our children, parenting is tiring. We try to control them and everything in their environment. It’s about trying to MAKE things happen or trying to Prevent other things from happening. It’s fear based.

When we’re nurturing, we trust. Nurturing is open space. It’s talking with, not at or to. It’s observing not for the sake of judging but for the sake of knowing what’s coming forth. It’s gardening in an organic manner. It’s love based.

When you’re tired as a mom, ask yourself where you’re attempting to manage your child’s human experience rather than nurture it. It makes a huge difference my loves.

Love,

P.S – If you’d like a sacred container to hold you, love you, accept you as you Transform – I invite you to join: http://tinyurl.com/GetSOFT

On Blended Families Part V – Values

November 5, 2016 by Namaste Leave a Comment

Values

Values are something that are necessary to discuss in any relationship, but the are absolutely imperative in a blended family.

Most issues between partners in a blended family stem from a difference in Values when it comes to parenting. In the School of Feminine Transformation, one of the Favorite practices is the Values Exercise. Utilizing it specifically in regard to parenting can be a HUGE eye opener.

In blended families there tends to be a deep, hidden concern that the bonus parent is “treating my child differently” or “doesn’t value my baby”. This concern typically lives under the surface hidden from view as an unspoken fear. And yet in times when the bonus parent has a different idea on how to handle the child it comes roaring.

Many of the actions that may trigger this fear, can actually be the result of a difference in Values.
Values aren’t “good” or “bad”, we all have them (there are literally hundreds!) and yet many of us have no idea what they really are.

No – your partner isn’t trying to turn your child into Cinderella – maybe she just has a HIGH value on “Work”.

No – your partner isn’t being mean to your beloved son , maybe he just puts a high value on “Responsibility” or “Respect”.

Once you know you and your partner’s parenting Values you can typically clearly see where they are being expressed and why you’ve had the misunderstandings that you have had. Hint- Most couples have different values in at least 3-4 areas.

1. Values are never “wrong” – The values of your partner must be respected.
2. Values drive actions. Asking how that Value is expressed can make all the difference
3. Your partner’s Values are an important asset to your child’s life – let their values MATTER!

The comfort level you feel with this will depend a great deal on what we cover in the next part, Part 6- LOVE!

I love your face,

P.S – If you’d like a sacred container to hold you, love you, accept you as you Transform – I invite you to join: http://tinyurl.com/GetSOFT

Don’t miss the other posts in this series:

Part VI

Family

On Civility

Teaching Your Daughter

Be Brave, Mama

Leave Her Soft

Why Family Units Are in Disarray

Don’t deFeminize Your Daughters

The Importance of Mothers Staying Home

There Is Power In Being At Home

On Being A Mother and A Wife

On Mothering Sons

Why Mothers Are Depleted

On Blended Families Part V – Values

Values

ABOUT

STAY IN TOUCH

GET UPDATES!

Main navigation

Family

Values

Footer

ABOUT

STAY IN TOUCH

FOLLOW US

GET UPDATES!