Why Family Units Are in Disarray


My loves…In the modern western world, children lead families… and this is why our family units are in such disarray.

Parents allow the children’s likes and dislikes to determine the direction of the family ensuring the children grow up without roots… Without a sense of self…

It’s exactly the opposite of what is Beneficial.

You see beloved most of us grew up and due to our Psychological and Therapy based culture have been taught that all that is wrong in our lives is the result of the ineptitude of our parents.
We’ve believed that if our parents just did something different we’d be different. Happier. More content.
The list of wrongs our parents committed again us is long and pervasive. From religion or lack of religion. Working too hard or not enough. Forcing us to spend family time or never having family time. Being strict or lenient. It doesn’t matter what they did they did it WRONG.

In addition, many of us spent most of our childhood in daycare as opposed to at home, meaning that we learned very early the power of peer pressure and that our being “good” and worthy of love was not innate but something we earned.

We grow up and have children. Above all, we don’t want to parent as we were parented. We don’t want the magnifying glass of judgment pointed in our direction and so we abdicate in many ways our sacred charge…
-To RAISE and TRAIN our children according to the Mystery that they are- In favor of seeking validation from our children for who we are.

As the parent YOU have the responsibility, no matter how challenging and sometimes counter culture, to set the vision, tone, and direction of the family… Even if your children or society doesn’t like it.
Which means my loves..
You must get out of your own judgment about your parents, so you can free yourself to be the parent your child needs.

They choose you after all… Flaws and weaknesses and all.

Give your child your truth and they’ll learn to stand in theirs.
Live your life out loud and they’ll learn they can too.
Love yourself and they’ll learn they can love themselves.
Be respectful to everyone and they learn respect of themselves and others.
Be gentle to you as well as them and they’ll learn they are worthy of gentleness.

Stop waiting for your children to lead you my loves, when they are waiting to be taught by you.

Learn more, get SOFT™ – bit.ly/GetSOFT


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The Beautiful Paradox of Nails


You see Nails reflect mostly…
Let’s start with a story…

When I was a child I bit my nails (stress) until I was 13 when my grandmere took me to the salon to get my nails done and tips added. I stopped biting them and kept them done… in my teens.

Fast forward…
I grew up and in my first marriage struggled financially quite a bit… My nails were never done and always short and never painted. I felt that I was more authentic this way.
Fast forward again…

I got a divorce; periodically I’d get my nails painted, but they would eventually break or chip. I said I was busy… I would love nice nails BUT I had stuff to do, I had dishes to wash, I liked gardening, etc; and for a while that was okay… But then it wasn’t…

I asked Spirit about it… Yes about my nails…. This is what I was told…
Really what I was saying was…
I need to rush
I don’t have time to slow down.
I use my nails as tools.
I need not be mindful.
Because when my nails broke it was always, always because I wasn’t handling myself gently.
I was moving too fast.
I was rushing or not present.
Or irritated.
I had to LEARN.
Learn to slow down.
Learn to move gently.

Or not.
I mean they are just nails, right?

Not really…

Because everything in our lives offers a deeper lesson.
Everything. When we pay attention to the organic lessons, so much shifts…

When I started getting them done again it was pure alchemy…
– No tips, I wanted them to grow out. (I am patient with my growth, I don’t fake it)
– The SNS for strength (it’s okay to let external strength protect me, I have nothing to prove by trying to do it all myself)
– Playing with length (the longer is more seen, being comfy with that)
– Always changing (maintenance is a part of life anything you love you are willing to maintain)
And more….

There is a beautiful paradox here… An invitation that your nails can invite

Where you are now (No judgment)
Where you are feeling drawn (no fear)

You don’t have to judge where you are to allow where you’re going. Tips can be (not always) a sign of shame for where you are if you’re not where you think you should be, or a way of checking out of the process.
Nor do you have to reject where you’re going to accept your now. You needn’t anchor who you are in this moment to honor it. You are an ever-changing fluid phenomenon. Growing unceasingly and with ease.

Yes… And.

Learn more, get SOFT™ – bit.ly/GetSOFT


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Don’t deFeminize Your Daughters


There are many fathers that in their desire to protect their daughters attempt to deFeminize them. The long-term effects of this on the Feminine psyche of your daughter is devastating.

Although it’s never spoken of, It’s as harmful as a mother emasculating her son.

Having spoken to literally hundreds (perhaps thousands) of women who have experienced this let me speak to you dads…

Yes, she’ll still love you.
Yes, she’ll be strong and less likely to get hurt.
Yes, she’ll know she’s capable of doing anything a man can do…


* she’ll also question what’s wrong with her and why she always longs to be handled softly.
* Whenever she experiences her Feminine vulnerability and longing she’ll feel like she’s betraying you.
* She’ll have a deep-seated internal conflict that will often take years for her to heal and become whole.
* She will be less likely to attract a man who will feel protective, and who will have the desire to handle her gently because she doesn’t seem to need that or him.
* On some level… Deep down inside she’ll wonder (and never ask)-why YOU didn’t protect her, instead of forcing her to protect herself and treating her tenderness as weakness.

If your daughter is Feminine…It is her nature to be fluid. To be vulnerable. To be sensitive. To nurture and care.

To NOT be like you in so many ways.
This isn’t about personality, it’s about seeing her essence. You are her first imprint of what to expect from men. (This is why you must heal yourself from any internalized loathing or disconnection from your own Gender or Masculine Essence)

She is made to be SOFT.
This is not weakness, it’s her strength dad. It’s the seed of her enjoying her life and knowing that her desires are worthy of having, that her feelings are valuable and her tender heart is safe.

How you treat her determines what she believes the world will offer her. Your “covering” and protection informs on how she perceives the Masculine Divine (or G-d).

Stop trying to toughen her up.
Treat her like a princess and she’ll understand her birthright is to be queen.

Learn more, get SOFT™ – bit.ly/GetSOFT


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The Seed of Being Held As Precious


Yesterday I posted:
“Being loved and held as precious by her family is the seed within a woman that grows naturally to love of herself, creating space within her to attract, receive, and respond to Masculine love. Each one feeding and seeding what comes next, never intending to replace it.”

And I was asked: “What if she did not receive the seed from her family?”

Here is the Transmission:
When the seed isn’t planted it’s the greatest causative factor as to why women will feel like if they love themselves ENOUGH, they will have no need to attract a man or will be unable to accept and receive love from a man or will not know how to respond to Masculine love.

Sadly the call of mothers doing everything and fathers being emasculated only leads to a nation of women who long for love and yet consider that longing weakness and so hold themselves in contempt and loathing while claiming Self Love. The greatest Sin (act against highest self) perpetrated in society EVER is the consistent and pervasive devaluation of Femininity and Masculinity- each is needful and necessary for the actualization of the other.

So what to do?

If a woman has not received the seed of being held as precious from her parents, it is her primary need to find it elsewhere. It is her air, her water, she can not find fulfillment no matter where she searches without it.

Let me be as clear as possible in this…THIS must be her greatest goal and her most valued Devotion. She can not go straight into Self Love without first knowing that she is worthy of it, for what is there to love? And merely saying “love yourself” is not enough. She must open herself to a Divine encounter with both the Divine Father and Mother distinct and equal. It is in that encounter that she Re-Members herself.


Self Love is the result…
The fruit that springs from this root.

Too often women seek to do this work alone. Separate from other people and from the Divine. Neither is possible or even desired as the attempt at further separation is yet a further symptom of the trauma and wound.

Learn more, get SOFT™ – bit.ly/GetSOFT


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Happy Valentine’s Day!


Frequency and vibration is carried on emotion.
This is why no matter how many affirmations you speak, your life will not shift if you continue to believe differently.
And so often this is occurring.
You believe you are a creator yes?
You believe you create your reality?
Do you believe that you are always creating it?
Look at your Profile pages, your emails, your texts.

What have you created beloved?
Do you see it?

Bitter water and sweet water can not exist in the same well. You can not create a life of happiness while holding onto the justification of your pain, sadness, and anger.

There is no judgment my love, only understanding.
You must decide which world you desire to occupy and which version of you, you desire to create and inhabit.
Every day you are deciding, and the decisions with the most intensity of emotion (which is, in fact, the space of belief) contain the Most potent spark of creation.

In Laughter, Love, and Lustiness,

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P.S – If you’d like a sacred container to hold you, love you, accept you as you Transform – I invite you to join: http://tinyurl.com/GetSOFT


Lessons in Integral Femininity


Lessons in Integral Femininity™ -(this one actually applies to everyone)

There is a huge difference between “asking a question” and “questioning” my loves.

In our modern era we seem to have lost the thread on the distinction between the two and yes my loves, it is this distinction that makes all the difference… Both in how the question is asked and in the response that is received.

Asking a question is a connective type of curiosity that seeks to understand. It stems from an innate faith in the person one is asking and belief and acting in good faith towards the person one is speaking to in seeking to answer. In short, it adds understanding.

Questioning is a statement posited as a question that seeks only to assert a position already held. It stems from an innate doubt – doubt in the person one is asking, and lack of good faith in the integrity, knowledge or truthfulness of the person in seeking to answer. In short, its goal is to undermine.

Asking a question seeks to BUILD and bring together by asking for the assistance of another to fill in gaps in comprehension, knowledge, and understanding.

Questions seek to DISSECT and dismantle by engaging in scrutiny of another’s comprehension, knowledge, and understanding.

In today’s world often questioning is positioned as merely “asking a question” to such a degree that I truly believe that it is beneficial to do a self-check to see which one, one is doing darling…

* Do I believe I already know? Have I already reached a conclusion, even if I’m “willing to be wrong”? (If yes, I’m questioning or interrogating, not asking a question)
* Do I trust the answers I will receive? (If yes I’m asking a question)
* Do I believe this person can give me answers I don’t have? (This is humility, If yes, I’m asking a question)
* Do I hope to change the opinions, perceptions or belief of others with my questions? (If yes I’m questioning)
* Did I begin the question with “But…” (This is generally a sign of questioning)

Some of you may wonder what any of this has to do with Femininity…
Integral Femininity™ is all about our ability to be Whole- a huge aspect of that is learning, to be honest in our communication my loves. As you may be able to see or perhaps you have experienced, it is easy to begin a conversation believing that one just has questions and end up in argument land – with one’s spouse, family, peers and ESPECIALLY online.

Questioning has no ability or desire to connect or reconcile, it only passes judgment. If you find yourself unwilling to ask questions, and only desiring to “question”, that in and of itself is a fabulous place to engage with gentle internal inquiry and self-reflection.

I love your face!

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Why Women Need Their Masculine Beloved


I am so happy to see so many women acknowledging their need for their King/Husband/Masculine Beloved!

This is VITAL to our well-being and yet it can be so challenging because so many of us have been taught NOT to need him. Either through our upbringing, through our experiences with having our heart broken, through being taught that need breeds codependent behavior or abuse or any number of things…

The truth is you need him because without him you’re living a life where you ARE compensating for the lack of him. Without him, you can’t occupy your space fully because you end up trying to do both. The desire to “not need a man” is one of the most soul-sucking, depleting and stress causing ideologies ever taken up by women.

It causes us to see stress as a necessary aspect of life, to work harder than we should and to see challenge as a virtue that we need.

Here’s a secret darlings, as Feminine Women, you’re not made to be stressed. That’s not what you’re built for. You’re built for beauty and pleasure and all the”push” and irritation you may have felt towards “those women” who don’t work hard or seem to live a life of joy only separates you further from the truth that… That is YOUR birthright as well!

Here’s a list of over twenty ways that I need my husband just before noon…I wrote these down yesterday as they occurred, this is after being together 14 years darlings…

*Wakes me up with kisses (affection)
* Orders things for our family (providing)
* Carrying heavy bags (protecting)
* Opens doors (protecting)
* Tips drivers (providing)
* Protects me with his presence (security)
* Gives me hugs and touches (affection)
* Lets me lay on him when I’m tired (affection and protecting)
* Expressed concern over my well-being (protection, care)
* Makes sure I eat (providing)
* Gives me his coat or buys me one if I get cold (protection/providing)
* Gives me directions so I’m safe (protection/guidance)
* Looks out for me, aware of my movements (security)
* Understands me (comfort)
* Anchors be when I feel unsettled or concerned (protection, providing, leading)
* Makes me laugh (companionship)
* Affirms my femininity (companionship)
* Stands guard so I don’t have to armor up ever (protecting)
* Holds my hand, touches my back (affection, protecting)
* Guides me through crowds (leading, protection)
* Drives while I provide lovely conversation (leading, protection)
* Negotiates purchases and rentals (providing)
* Makes decisions (protection, providing, leading)

Many women may say… “But I don’t need that”..the metaphor I like to use is that when your body is lacking an essential nutrient, your body doesn’t say “I need this”, typically for a very long time you’ll function without it. But you will see the *evidence* of the lack in various places and perhaps not realize the reason why.

It’s the same here… Without out all the ways a Healthy polarized dynamic works… You experience a great deal of deficiency, and call it life. Stress, fear, depletion, exhaustion, irritability, anxiety, anger, lack of patience, sadness, and more… All stemming from a lack of intimate masculine connection.

Learn more, get SOFT™ – bit.ly/GetSOFT


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Put Down Your Sword and Shield


You’ve fought long and hard.
You’ve defended yourself fiercely.
You’ve proven your point, held your own…
And in the end, you’ve found yourself tired.
“Is this all that my life is meant to be?”

Something tender remains.
Delicate and brilliant…
You can feel it… Unfurling within you…

It’s time my love.
Put down your sword and your shield
And come home

Learn to live, breathe and occupy this solace: bit.ly/GetSOFT


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