On Relationship Conflict

More on relationships…

Most people don’t understand what drives relationship conflict and so they enter into the relationship with an idealized idea that “whatever it is, it’ll work out I’m sure!”

When this doesn’t happen they go into relationship conflict lizard brain:

1. Fight- arguments maybe even physical violence
2. Flight- leaving the scene, disconnecting emotionally, planning or fantasizing about breaking up
3. Freeze- Avoiding the issue altogether. Silence. Denying that there is an issue

This of course NEVER works to create a relationship that is sustainable and fulfilling, it does work when it comes to the elimination of the immediate threat of conflict, however.

Many people confuse this with actual conflict resolution, especially if it ends with hot sex or some sort of makeup bonus such as gifts, cuddling, or momentary catharsis.

The truth?

In order to truly get to a point where arguments NEVER occur, and not because either partner is biting their tongue- but because there is nothing to argue about, you have to delve into the underlying Unknown Conflict Drivers.

These unknown drivers are usually things that you don’t know that you don’t know. This can make it very slippery. MOST people ASSUME that while you may not know the specifics, and you may not have ever had a conversation about these things …You know. SOME people may have had a generic conversation about values or world views but not in a concrete practical way.
And yet… We all assume we know darling.

Interesting that.

Richard and I teach, facilitate and transmit in the level of uncovering the Unknowns and actively engaging with them. It’s raw, sticky, uncomfortable work but the payoff is Immense.

Uncommon relationships for uncommon people ™.



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On Judgment



Judgment is coming up a lot of late.

I have been chewing on this: Correction is often confused with judgment.

The judgment gives no hope.

Correction shows another way.

Judgement condemns without mercy.

Correction frees without apology.

Judgment needs no relationship

Correction requires a relationship

Here’s the thing, Social Media is a very NEW form of communication in which many have access to things that would normally only be seen by a select few. This means that things that might be corrective to one person’s eyes are judgmental to another.

In addition, when we feel judged its often in the area where we are already judging ourselves, in the area where we have not made peace with ourselves or an area where we know we can do better.

We are so quick to make a quick judgment about how judgy someone else is being. 9/10 times you really have no idea because you can’t decide the whole story based on one paragraph.

The next time you feel someone is being judgmental ask yourself “where do I feel like this about me?” And “where do I need to accept myself more?” It will truly be of benefit loves!

Break Open, Dearheart


Why I focus on relationships so deeply (this is long) :

I have noticed that in our highly consciousness/ascension/success focused culture – there is still a HUGE gap when it comes to knowing how to create sustainable, delicious relationships that get better and better. TO ME it is in our relationships that we have the opportunity to actualize our philosophy.

IOW – I don’t really care how long you can meditate, how many fasts you’ve gone on and what extreme yoga position you can assume. I care little about your psychic abilities, your spells and how many sacred texts you can quote- do you know how to connect heart to heart and soul to soul? Can you be vulnerable and fearful and yet not run away? Can you love – or have you confused love with control? Can you stay open and tender and unguarded in a world full of armor and swords?

I don’t care if you want to save the world and you weep over hurting animals and people in other countries – can you truly love the people you know? Those in your own home and life – even when faced with their shadow and darkness – can you face the mirror of your own shadow that is showing up in your loved ones?

Break open, dear heart, worry less about gaining bigger wings to fly away and more about deepening your roots to sustain you, nourish you, and yes – expand you into remembrance of your Higher nature. It is in THIS space – the space of connection, communion, and deep intimacy – that we truly evolve. Connect more to the reality of this NOW, of your life and your loved ones. This is your home. Welcome. #relationships #inspiration #Truth #actualization


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P.S – If you’d like a sacred container to hold you, love you, accept you as you Transform – I invite you to join: http://tinyurl.com/GetSOFT

More On Yin and Yang Energy


More on the distinction between Yin Yang energy and Masculine Feminine Essence.

My King Richard Moore, said I need to explain this more because as a concept it’s still fairly unknown and what we teach is unique. This is a part of the foundation of our Teaching and System™ in regard to Masculine Feminine dynamics…

Let’s dive in:

Masculine or Feminine is Essence. Essence speaks to the essential BEING, essence is literally the I AM-ness of something.

Yin Yang is Energy. Energy is the action or expression of something.

In a nutshell darlings – Masculine or Feminine is the content, Yin or Yang is the context.

In a Feminine woman her essence is ALWAYS feminine. Her energy ideally flows in such a way that her Yin is the step leader and her Yang expresses in support of that Yin.

In a Masculine man his essence is always masculine. His energy ideally flows in such a way that his Yang is the step leader and his Yin expresses in support of that Yang.

If a Feminine woman attempts to inhabit Masculinity… She will become depleted because it is not her. The same will occur if a Masculine man attempts to inhabit femininity.

What follows is often depression or a deep rage.

If a Feminine woman attempts to use Yang energy as the initiating force and her Yin as only supportive… She will find herself frustrated, not supported in ways that nourish her, looking good but feeling tired or like a workhorse.

The same if a Masculine man attempts to use Yin energy as the initiating force and Yang as only supportive.

Btw… This also applies to those in same-sex dynamics… There is typically still one partner that inhabits the Feminine Essence and one in Masculine essence

If you read that you can quickly see the interconnectedness this breeds in between men and women. The need for both essences to connect through our need for each other. The dance that is necessary for a greater wholeness than either could have alone.

And why it is a common and yet not beneficial thing to focus on what the other essence is doing, or why.

To put it more plainly, we each have enough work to do focusing on ourselves, loves.

Learn more join the School of Alchemy- www.schoolofAlchemy.love



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Yin and Yang Energy Balance

Q- should we as individuals try to balance our masculine and feminine energy so that we have both in equal measure and use both?

A- In short, no my love.

Often this sort of Neutralism is propagated in the blending of the idea of yin and yang energy with western world views. Yin and yang, much like yoga, is challenging to truly grok if you weren’t raised to see the world that way and have not immersed within the culture that birthed these concepts.

The idea that you can be too feminine is a myth.
You can be too yin or too yang yes, but not too feminine.
A man can be can be too yang or too yin yes, but not too masculine.

This idea of trying to balance these two energies within is a source of a great deal of stress and strain. Those humans created as two spirits to embody both spaces are rare and feel that inclination.

The majority of us are most fulfilled inhabiting one pole, finding a partner who inhabits the other pole, and creating, cultivating and complementing each other from this space. This isn’t weakness or brokenness, this is how we are made.

We aren’t created to be alone, beloved.

When we see animals doing this we find it beautiful. For some reason, this desire and need in humans has been demonized.

How can it be good to need sisterhood but not partnership?
How can it be wonderful to have pets but not other humans?
Why is it okay to need a job, but not okay to need masculine men in your life?

You are sacred and how you were made to function is good.

Divine partnership is Holy. And the interconnectedness and interdependence between the Masculine and Feminine is divine.

Learn more, get SOFT™ – bit.ly/GetSOFT


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Why You Should Save Your Womb


As promised my darlings… Here’s why you want to save your womb!!

The Uterus/womb is responsible for so much more than simply housing a baby…

While this job is miraculous and worthy of awe, come closer my love and let me tell you what other wonders exist in this Sacred Space within your own body. Note that the following are functions of the uterus herself not just the ovaries.

It makes you feel good : Your uterus is responsible for beta-endorphins. It affects the secretion of hormones from your brain and the circulation of various hormones in the body

**55% of women experience suicidal thoughts after hysterectomy, 30-41% experience a major depressive episode.

It contributes to orgasm and sexual response: the cervix has many nerve endings which contribute to orgasmic response as well as producing cervical mucus which is a part of the lubrication found in the Yoni during intercourse. The Uterus expands creating sexual tension during arousal and experiences contractions during orgasm. All of which makes sex more pleasurable for women.

** 75% of women experience decreased libido or the loss of all sexual desire after hysterectomy. Many women report feeling less sensation even when they do orgasm.

The Uterus provides organ stability in the body – the uterus keeps the top of the vagina in pace with the cervix serving as a sort of vaginal fixed point.

** 40% of women suffer some degree of pelvic dysfunction post hysterectomy including incontinence, bladder prolapse, bowel prolapse, and vaginal prolapse.

This beautiful and luscious organ is so full of mystery that there is so much we still don’t know… Such as why Hysterectomy increases:
*bone loss
*Risk of heart attack goes up to 33%
* Personality changes
* Depression

One thing we do know is that even after childbearing is complete the womb is worthy of protection.

Our wombs are valuable because they are part of us!!


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P.S – If you’d like a sacred container to hold you, love you, accept you as you Transform – I invite you to join: http://tinyurl.com/GetSOFT

On Masculine/Feminine Relationships


On Masculine/Feminine Relationships

Okay, darlings…

Let’s understand instinct.
When we say “it’s not the nature of…”
We’re talking about the inner guiding. The innate internal direction of.
Instinct is that internal compelling (impelling if you will) that causes one to do something.

And we humans have it as well.
Sadly in our quest for civilization we’ve demonized instinct and replaced it with social and societal expectations.

This means don’t focus on what you internally are drawn towards… Focus on what others tell you to be drawn towards.
The problem is we aren’t wired to be fulfilled by that.
We may get a nice shot of dopamine. But that wears off very quickly and we end up right back where we started.

That’s why external pressure doesn’t create lasting change.

Now let’s talk Masculine and Feminine relationships…

Ladies, this is why nagging him, pressuring him, pushing him, shaming isn’t going to WORK.

Men instinctively resist and resent that behavior.
You will instinctively hold any man in contempt that allows that behavior.

You being a Feminine woman, embodying Femininity is a state that brings you joy and fulfillment and also because the Universe is incredibly wise… The Masculine has an instinctual response to this that desires to provide and protect.

Yes in general to some degree, but in a greater degree to the woman that he perceives as “his”.

It’s not about a vagina, though. It’s not our yonis that awaken that instinct. It’s our femininity.

It’s not a coat we can put on, it’s not a dress we can wear, it’s an energy we occupy entirely.

When a woman is masculine or neutral she will not arouse this instinct because men don’t instinctively protect other MEN.

Learn more… Get SOFT


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On Being A Mother and A Wife


On being a mother and a wife:

When I was a young mother we moved to a city where I knew no one.

* I had no car, no job, and no public transportation.
* I only had my then husband, the church we went to (which was far away), and our two then three, then four children.
* This was before the days when EVERYONE had a computer. We didn’t have a lot of cash (they started at about $2500, which was a king’s ransom to us) and we didn’t have one until a few years later. So I did not have an online community.

I (like generations of women before me) devoted myself to the raising and homeschooling of my children, the keeping of my home, and the learning more about being a wife. For fun I had gardening (sometimes, mostly in pots), reading of many books, and crafting.

I never felt unfit or unable to do the jobs. I remember not being concerned about being able to validate myself outside of this sacred task.

The idea that “it takes a village” is more about the beauty and richness that the village brings to the *child*, it’s not speaking to an idea that mothers need a village.

Don’t get me wrong, women living communally can be a beautiful thing. When I first heard of polygamy and polygyny that’s what I found most awe-inspiring.

The idea of women living together, supporting each other.

That said… NOT having an ideal situation doesn’t mean that you must suffer, end up depleted and exhausted.

I’m in groups with tens of thousands of women… many of these groups are full of young mothers and wives or would be wives. I’ve noticed often that the young mothers are attempting to hold onto to their maidenhood… And that’s where the struggle is. Similarly, single women often attempt to hold onto their single-ness.

This creates stress, frustration, anger, and expectations that can not be met.

This is something that you are taught in cultures where there are rights of passage. In cultures where mothers actually TEACH their daughters. Unfortunately, most of us weren’t taught this. We attempt to hold onto both states and wonder why we can’t. And when we struggle we begin to blame. In truth, the ball of barbed wire named “why?” Is too convoluted to untangle.

It’s simpler and more beneficial to relax into what you will be now.

Come, my love, let me help you to understand.

You did not just give birth… You BECAME a mother. Not a maiden with a baby, you are something else, something completely different.

Something you have never been before.

You did not just get married and have a wedding. You BECAME a wife. It is a new thing that you have become. You embody something… Else.

You have to be willing to undergo the metamorphosis. To let what was die, and be reborn.

This rebirth is not about just taking on a role (like a job title in corporate). You embody a different energy. You are fed by different things. Your longing change.

I hear women’s fears…
I don’t want to lose myself!!!!

I get it my darling…
You no longer know what is “myself”
And this is the question that remains unanswered.
This is the doorway of terror and fear.

You are not what you once were.
You must let go of that idea if you would have peace.
If you would learn to find fulfillment.

What once fed you, won’t anymore.
And it’s no one’s fault.
Yes, you can get full off if it… But it won’t nourish the soul.

No, you won’t starve my love…although I know you fear this greatly.
You won’t die.
You have new food sources now.

You just need to learn to surrender.


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P.S – If you’d like a sacred container to hold you, love you, accept you as you Transform – I invite you to join: http://tinyurl.com/GetSOFT

From Warrior to Love


From warrior to love….

I used to consider myself a warrior…
Always fighting for the underdog
I was raised by an activist, a woman who fought and marched and boycotted and more.

Fighting against…xyz was in my blood.
And because of my tendency to see very easily inequity and unfairness it was my nature to fight against it at every turn.

As I grew, I shifted… Because of a few humbling and eye-opening changes in belief

1. I don’t innately know what’s right, I only know what I want. Sometimes we can confuse the two and making my own desires the “right” way and anything else wrong presumes much. Even if it’s my desires for others. I’m not omniscient, I only know in part.

2. Seeing people as being in need of my salvation denies them power. This was huge. everyone is powerful. Everyone has the ability to choose how, when and where they use their power. Sometimes trying to save others may make me feel good, but it just denies them growth opportunities where they find their own strength.

3. It’s not about me and it is all about me. When I slowed down and turned all of that external energy inward I realized that… I was not focusing on the one person I could truly save… me. That focusing externally was what I was taught to be a good person, but really it was moving me away from personal power and sovereignty and causing me to actually deny that in others. Having a form of power and denying the power thereof, literally…

4. There are multiple sides to everything and peace is not accomplished by war. At some point I began to understand that contrary to my Religious upbringing, there are multiple ways to see something and it’s not always as simple as it seems. That judging people and experiences just made them my enemy. And that no matter how much I fought I could not find peace. That part was a big deal, because deep down inside that’s what I craved, peace.

5. Love is not weak, love is powerful. I used to feel we’d fight and fight and fight and vanquish the bad guys, bad things bad ideas etc; and THEN love could exist. As if love was this weak thing that required my fighting against everything so it could exist. Then I had a revelation. Love is powerful. It IS POWER. Love doesn’t need me to champion for it, it requires me to be it and by such being everything that is not is transmuted into it. It’s a highly potent contagion, with a 100% infection rate.

This was a just a bit of how I went from being a warrior to love. It’s been a fascinating journey… And it continues.

This is how I ended up realizing that LOVE was what I was called to be.


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P.S – If you’d like a sacred container to hold you, love you, accept you as you Transform – I invite you to join: http://tinyurl.com/GetSOFT


The Importance of Sustainable Fulfilling Partnership


I focus a lot on sustainable fulfilling partnership and families because it’s delicious and pleasurable… And also because everything flows from there my loves.

Behaviors follow beliefs.

If we say that we care about humanity and yet place our partners, children and family LAST- after money, career and other things….there is no hope for saving anyone else.

A happy relationship makes happy well-adjusted children. These same children are the future leaders. The health of the child is determined primarily by what happens within the home not outside of it.

This is why I adore teaching feminine women about the power they hold, and not to fall for the lie that she needs to gain power by not caring for or by devaluing her relational nature.

Women have always been the heart of the home, and the home is the heart of any culture.

Transformation can’t be forced, it can only be inspired. It is our relationships with one another that inspires change. One wife whispering into the ear of her powerful husband (for good or ill) has more influence upon him than thousands of people marching against him.

Influence versus impact.

This is one of the Women’s Mysteries I was taught by elder women. We must return this wisdom before it is lost.


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P.S – If you’d like a sacred container to hold you, love you, accept you as you Transform – I invite you to join: http://tinyurl.com/GetSOFT