On Motherhood Part III

 

I’ve waited on this 3rd part to the mothering discussion because it’s so unpopular. And yet, it’s true.

If you have small children, especially young children, the place of your greatest expression of power is at home with them. Working a full-time job, signing up for a ton of obligations, feeling the need to at the same time distance herself from anything that gives her pleasure and lacking a real support system is a recipe for maternal dysfunction.

There are many things the new mother may not have control over and having in-home support post birth may not be something she can do due to financial constraints or a lack of willing family members.

Of course having a tribe, or creating one, that can offer genuine support is ideal. But again- it may not be something she has – and there is much she can do without that.

The simplest is to EXHALE.

If you awaken, eat, nurse the baby, sleep, eat, nurse the baby rinse and repeat all day… you are doing wonderfully.

No shower? So what.
Your home isn’t spotless? So what

As quiet as it’s kept – you held within your body for 9 months a soul becoming human. It will take at least that amount of time for you to become totally one with yourself again.

So don’t fight it.

Much of the frustration comes from a new mother’s expectations of herself and the natural grieving that she needs to do of her maidenhood.

Yes, mama – a facet of your Human Journey has died. You are no longer maiden. You must relinquish and allow to die certain things so that you can be born again as Mother.

YOU as Mother. Not Mother taking over you.

There is a distinction there.
You as Mother means allowing an integration between the morphic field of the archetype of mother expressing through you.

Mother taking over you – is speaking into being overcome and possessed by the expectations of others.

This work takes time, takes space, takes energy. And is next to impossible to do while working away from home.

The willingness to give up this idea that you need to do everything all the time is the key to your relinquishing stress. Without the release of stress, you can not be present with your children, your Beloved or yourself. Stress hormones create a system where you are always running at a deficit and that deficit means there is simply not enough to go around.

The key is to remove the stress response. It’s easier done than said.

It sounds so difficult… but what about… but what about…

But in truth… just ask yourself this… begin here…
I wonder how can I eliminate the stress?
How can I be home with my children?
Why am I afraid to?

More to come…

In Love…

Mamaste (Mama Namaste)

On Motherhood Part I

On Motherhood Part II

P.S – If you’d like a sacred container to hold you, love you, accept you as you Transform – I invite you to join:http://tinyurl.com/GetSOFT

On Motherhood Part II

 

Second part on mothering- The More Beneficial Way

First let me say, my love that some of this may cause instant internal resistance, that’s okay. Save it until later or not… But this is not an invitation to debate.

1. Exchange External Expectations for Goddess Gathering – you, dear mama, have no control over what other people think about you as a mom. It’s true. The plethora of parenting books, seminars, and experts have nothing to do with you. Nothing at all. Instead of allowing expectations to inform upon your decisions I suggest following the path of our foremothers and engaging in gathering. When a woman goes out to gather, she is only seeing that which will benefit and have actual use in what she is doing. She’s not concerning herself with other tribes, if she is alone, she’s not concerning herself with other families. She’s gathering ONLY what is needed by her family at that time. She has seasonal awareness and that informs upon her gathering ability. In like manner… Begin to turn your face less outward and more inward towards your own maternal insight, allowing the wisdom of a few close elders as well.

2. Exchange Internal Expectations for Perfect Imperfection and Forgiveness. Your parents did the best they knew. Yep. It’s true. And they made so sucky decisions from your point of view. Yes, it’s true. And guess what?… So will you with your children. It’s unavoidable. Forgive your parents and then you can forgive yourself. There is no such thing as a perfect childhood because it’s not MEANT TO BE. Childhood is simply the entry point of divinity into human experience. Your job is facilitating this aspect of divinity in learning to be human. That’s it. Yes, darling… On a larger level most of what you’re trained to worry about as a mom… Doesn’t matter. Breathe that in. Your beautiful child is meaning to be…

Human.

That’s imperfect, messy, raw, sometimes painful and always complex. Your job is not to protect them from that complexity, but to teach them how to adapt to and integrate it…

Wait for part three darling…

On Motherhood Part I

On Motherhood Part III

Love,

namaste signature pink

P.S – If you’d like a sacred container to hold you, love you, accept you as you Transform – I invite you to join:http://tinyurl.com/GetSOFT

On Motherhood – Part I

 

On motherhood- I read recently that women are regretting becoming mothers… But they are so ashamed for it, they don’t tell anyone.

It made me so very sad to read that, but I absolutely understand WHY this is occurring.

1. External Expectations- in our society, we have an unrealistic expectation of what being a parent is. We have defined childhood and made the parents the villains in EVERYONE’S childhood story. Mothers live in a state of fear and are constantly judged. The standard is that they should be self-sacrificing, fiercely protective, and perfect.

2. Internal Expectations- Many mothers carry wounds and unforgiveness towards their own parents and are attempting to “be a better parent than my mom,” which creates internal pressure and a standard that is impossible to live up to. Many mothers also compare themselves and their children to others, creating a vicious spiral of elation fear when they do and depression when they don’t measure up

3. Faux Empowerment – For many mothers being an Empowered Woman looks like doing it all. Because mothering is actually a Full-Time job, having to balance it, another full-time job, “self-care”, relationships, etc; creates a stress filled life with no energy or space for tenderness, gentleness or nurturing. She becomes less Mama and more Manager.

All of which leads to mamas feeling alienated, depressed, insecure and alone. Mama’s are often over-adrenalized and in fight or flight. They are frustrated by a lack of support and fearful when they receive support that one of the support people will do it “wrong” and destroy the perfect childhood they are attempting to create while feeling guilty for it all.

There has to be a better way… And yes there is…

More in the next post!

On Motherhood Part II

On Motherhood Part III

Love,

namaste signature pink

P.S – If you’d like a sacred container to hold you, love you, accept you as you Transform – I invite you to join:http://tinyurl.com/GetSOFT

The Power of Softening

 

 

What if…
The cure for everything is to soften?
Soften to let love out
Soften to let love in
Soften to receive abundance
Soften to give your gifts to the world
Soften to allow
Soften to inhale
Soften to exhale
Soften to decide
Soften to see
Soften to listen
Soften to touch
Soften to feel
Soften to heal.

You began this earthly journey within the soft receptivity of your mother’s womb.
You will end it, in the soft dark arms of the Earth’s embrace

You have allowed the world to be too much with you. Anxiety, Anger, Armored in your existence… When you grow weary… You soften… To live.

Want to learn the power of SOFT? bit.ly/GetSOFT

Love,

namaste signature pink

Help versus Service

Help versus service.

Attempts to be helpful can hold within them an assumption… That assumption is that the person, in fact, needs your help. That you have something that they do not, you know something they do not, you have insight they do not. “Helping” is an act of seeing the person in a state of lack. It often has the belief that you know what’s best for them.

“Serving” on the other hand is an act of elevation. In order to serve someone, you must see them as equal or even above you. This isn’t a bad thing, they do out-rank you when it comes to knowing what they want for their life. To serve means you give them what they want, not what you want them to have or think they should have. No server at a restaurant serves you the food they want you to have unless you ask them to. Serving requires the removal of ego from the equation to give clearly and cleanly.

Is there never an appropriate time to help? Of course, there is… I’ll write on that later, for now…

When you say “I want to help this person” ask yourself if you’d want to serve them? If you feel some resistance it’s a sign that the help is coming more from ego than truly assisting. Think of this in reference to your partner… How often are you helping instead of serving?

In Laughter, Love, and Lustiness,

namaste signature pink

P.S – If you’d like a sacred container to hold you, love you, accept you as you Transform – I invite you to join:http://tinyurl.com/GetSOFT

 

More On Speaking Your Truth

 

Consider this my love…
Not speaking your truth (in love of course)
Can be nothing more than hubris disguised as humility and concern.

Seeing others as so fragile and so weak, so lacking in self-identity and divine resilience that you’re simply speaking a truth that is yours from your own experience will harm them in some way…
That they won’t be able to handle it
Accept it
Decide for themselves if it works for them…

That it is your job to be perpetually neutral and tasteless… Presumes to deny them respect and actually is a form a control.

It isn’t protection or care… It’s conceit.

In Laughter, Love, and Lustiness,

namaste signature pink

P.S – If you’d like a sacred container to hold you, love you, accept you as you Transform – I invite you to join:http://tinyurl.com/GetSOFT

 

On Gender Roles

Interesting conversation with my teenage daughter about gender roles.

Her- “some people say we shouldn’t have gender roles”

Me- “‘.mmm…hmmm”

Her – “shouldn’t girls be able to do anything guys do? Like at home he does dishes sometimes and she does dishes sometimes that seems fair”

Me- okay

Her- seriously mom, doesn’t that seem fair?

Me- are we talking about a het couple?

Her- yes

Me- I think it’s about a lot more than fairness baby girl… Does he say “well this is heavy, so I’ll lift some of the heavy stuff and you can lift some? Does he say “I’ll kill some of the bugs and you can kill the rest?” If there is a noise at night does he send her to check it out sometime?

Her- (laughing) no…

Me- sometimes people are advocating for things that they really don’t want. What they do want is to be valued and respected. You can have that and have gender roles too. Humans have done it for a very long time. Everyone can do what they like, and no one has to. I just want you to understand that gender roles in a relationship aren’t synonymous with female oppression. Some of us actually like it.

Her- that makes sense! I should mention this to my teacher

Me- uhmmm… Let’s just… Not.

In Laughter, Love, and Lustiness,

namaste signature pink

P.S – If you’d like a sacred container to hold you, love you, accept you as you Transform – I invite you to join:http://tinyurl.com/GetSOFT

 

Are You Afraid To Speak Your Truth?

I know that there are many people who fear to speak their truth.

To say what’s real to them.
To share their heart.

Because of fear of judgement.
Fear of someone saying you’re wrong
Or misunderstanding you
Or accusing you
Or demeaning you
Fear of the plethora of buzzwords that could be leveled against you.

I speak so you can see it can be done, and perhaps the echoes of your truth will reach your mouth and be given voice.

It’s not about how politically correct or milk toast or beige you can be. Is not about blending in.

It’s about showing up in Technicolor knowing that for some they are colour blind already and for others, the intensity will blind them… But for the rest, it is a spectrum of such vibrancy that it reminds them to awaken.

They see the god in themselves, in you.
Let them.

In Laughter, Love, and Lustiness,

namaste signature pink

P.S – If you’d like a sacred container to hold you, love you, accept you as you Transform – I invite you to join:http://tinyurl.com/GetSOFT