I spent a number of years as a human resource manager, and there was a pattern of behavior I saw. When a person didn’t have a job they were often upset, frustrated and sad. They put on their best stuff to go to interviews, they researched how to better their resume, they may even spend thousands going back to school to get additional training. In interviews, they wanted to talk about how much of a benefit they would be to the company. Typically though, once they get a job they stop putting as much intention into their appearance, they complain about their boss and co-workers, all issues are due to the people they work with or for. Requests by the employer for the employee to take Additional training are met with “what’s in it for me?” And “do I get paid for it?”. The gratitude and enthusiasm they initially felt at getting the job quickly dissipates with the reality of DOING the job.
So many of us women treat being a wife this same way. We become so focused on wanting the position though, that we rarely ask ourselves if we are capable of doing the job. Once we get the job the position of being a partner is not something we know how to do. (I’ll come back to this) In today’s world some of us aren’t comfy with even wanting the position, or acknowledging it. We kinda hang around the company hoping that eventually they will see us hanging out and offer us a position because we see the company as a cool place to work.
Being a Wife or Life Partner is so much more than sharing a bed with someone. It requires so much more than Possession (it might be 9/10s of the law, but it’s not a part of marriage). The problem is we really don’t understand the job. We either think we’re applying for a job or we perceive ourselves as interviewing someone else when we’re really building a Partnership. Being a partner is far different than being an employee. An employee tries to get a job and when they don’t like it they quit. They don’t care about profit and loss because they typically get paid either way. A partner is an investor. They share the profit AND the loss. They are in it for the long haul, and understand that there will be seasons of both good and bad. Partners understand that they are a part of the company and would never do anything to harm it…
There are two fundamental flaws in the mind of many women when it comes to marriage that need realignment.
The first is that Marriage is the “Prize”… It’s not. While at one time this idea served women it no longer does because we live in a different time. Approaching marriage like this will keep you separated from the tools required to be a happy and fulfilled wife.
A wedding is simply a day of celebration of the relationship you have built. Treating marriage as a prize to be won is part of the reason so many men don’t really trust women. Focus on the Man not the idea of Marriage my love. You’re committing to Him, not the institution.
The second is that your love or your Yoni is a prize to be won. This creates a myriad of actions that undermine Love and Sexuality. It treats the Yoni as a commodity that’s traded and it treats love as a limited resource. Love is not something a person earns… It is freely given or not at all. When dating if marriage is the desire then the question is one of fitness for partnership for life… Not do you deserve my heart, have you earned my Yoni.
We really have to stop treating ourselves as parts we’re trading in a closed market while holding men in contempt saying THEY objectify us. The world around us only reflects the truth of how we see ourselves.
Darlings the building of a happy marriage requires skill sets and mindsets that most of us don’t have. It’s why I’m so passionate about teaching them.