How to improve your life and relationship dramatically in 60 seconds.

keepcalmWhat is my best in this very moment?

Now is the moment of power – Now is really all we have.

When it comes to doing MY personal best whenever it is brought to my consciousness,

Now….is also really all that I need.

If I slide over into dreaming about the future…or regretting the past – either of those exercises that take me away from right now, also take me away from actually being able to DO anything to improve my situation.  Have you noticed how absolutely still you become when your mind is occupied with what happened before (the past) or what might happen tomorrow (the future)?

There seems to be something about not being present that is a huge energy drain – its almost as if the effort of focusing our consciousness on somewhen else is such an energy suck that it reduces us to near immobility.

Dont worry though – its not your fault.  That’s just how most of us are wired.  The good news? Its easy to fix.

Here are three super easy steps to take to get centered, focused and to become more present instantly;

Ask yourself – What is MY best in this moment and paying attention to these three things;

  1. How am I sitting? (posture),
  2. How am I breathing? (am I conscious of my breathing deeply, fully?) ,
  3. How am I really feeling? (do I feel that Im in control of my emotions or are my present circumstances controlling my emotions)?

Why are these important?

When I focus on how I am sitting, I am conscious of my body. When Im conscious of my body I remember that I do not have to live in my head all of the time.  When I focus on my breathing, I relieve stress and eliminate toxins from my body and I receive an immediate boost in energy and awareness as I consciously take in more oxygen. And when I notice how I am feeling, I am then in a position to acknowledge my emotions in a way that promotes emotional health.

If I develop the habit of doing my best in these little spaces – in these everyday, regular places in my life – then in times of crisis I find that I have resources to draw upon.

When I notice how Im sitting and I change to a position that feels better….well, it FEELS BETTER in a small way, and that improves the whole.

When I observe how Im breathing and I relax my shoulders and relax my belly and take a DEEP BREATH….having more oxygen onboard…that FEELS BETTER TOO!!!

The amazing thing is that we can do these things multiple times a day – whenever we are feeling depleted or tired or spent, and literally FEEL BETTER. And it costs us nothing.

The consequence for not doing this consistently is that when it matters, instead of being able to draw upon the best and highest, we tend to focus upon the ‘ideal’ instead – and the ideal will almost always be beyond our ability to achieve in that moment, which becomes a focal point, a reminder for my inner critic to then hammer me with failure and disappointment.

(like when I think about eating right….well, that reminds me that I should be in better shape, I should workout. Yeah…a gym membership! One day soon. I’ve been putting that off too long already. blah, blah f-ing blah.)

You know that drill.

That’s not what I want you to do.

When we are truly breathing deeply, we activate our Parasympathetic Nervous System,

which helps clear our mind, burn fat, speed up our metabolism, and remove toxins from our body.

This is serious business – over 70% of all the toxins produced in our bodies are removed through breathing!

When its time to talk about the relationship – its easy to believe that your shoulders being tight,

and your shallow breathing

and your headache

and being tired.

are just PART OF THE EXPERIENCE – of having a serious discussion.

But that is really bullshit.

It doesnt have to be that way.

Not now and not ever.

In fact, if you find yourself having all of that OTHER physical stuff going on – you obviously arent ready to talk about anything constructively.

Especially something important.

So, first things first.

I just want you to breathe. Deeply.  Get more oxygen in your lungs and help your whole body feel just a little bit better.

Right now.

Relax your shoulders. Soften the belly.

And breathe.

Breathing Exercises

To detoxify the body and balance hormones, practice deep breathing every day.

In those situations where you can just feel your blood boiling or anxiety levels rising, try this:

  1. Breathe in silently through your nose to the slow count of 4.
  2. Hold your breath to the count of 7.
  3. Exhale through your mouth to the count of 8, making a slight audible sound.
  4. Repeat the 4-7-8 cycle another three times, for a total of four breathing exercises.

This isn’t beyond your capabilities and you need nothing else to help you, just yourself.

Now is your Moment of Power – Do YOUR personal best..

Dont forget to breathe.

Man-I-Festing Daily,

Richard

It’s my Deliciously Feminine Birthday!

Birthday_cake_01I have to say that I’ve been looking forward to this Birthday for months!! And not just because it means cake, ice-cream and other delicious treats… No!

Because I absolutely LOVE a reason to give away awesome-sauce to people.  And Spirit dropped in 2 things to offer to you on my Birthday (we roll like that – Source and I)

1. Have you been thinking about, hearing about, kinda hmm’ing and ha’ing about my School of Feminine Transformation? Perhaps you’ve taken a bunch of classes and feel a little tapped out – or- you don’t want a bunch of fluff that’s content LIGHT. Well my darling – whatever you reason for being hesitant I’m giving you something for FREE – I’m calling it the SOFT Sampler.

Soft sampler rec

It’s a super delicious sample of  5 of the classes in The School of Feminine Transformation (SOFT) –  as well as a Full length BONUS. You get videos with USABLE tips, ideas, and practices. Well over 2 hours of video absolutely free!

Videos are actual sections taken from the following classes:

  • Moon Mysteries
  • Sacred Feminine Intensive
  • Feminine Spirit
  • The Nest
  • The Sweet Spot

Consider this a thin, decadent slice of the most out-of-this world cheesecake you’ve ever tasted – only it’s for your LIFE. Yah. That.

Click here to Sign up- You’ll receive access in your Inbox immediately!!

Chocolate button

2.  I always say I’m not getting old – I’m becoming more seasoned. One of the ways I stay young looking (nope- I’ll never tell my actual age- but I do have a number of adult children if that gives you a hint!) is to give myself permission to re-live my youth. I blow bubbles, skip, play hide and seek and a number of things because it imbibes me with youthful energy. Going back to those care free days can sometimes give us the most amazing rewards yes? Well when S.O.F.T. was first released it was available for only $99.  The second Gift I’m giving you for my Birthday is a ROLL Back price on SOFT!!  As my gift to you- you get to experience One Year of SOFT for that Roll Back Price- but be quick my loves! This pricing is only available for TODAY only!!

Click here for Roll Back Pricing

Okay I’m off to go do something fun for my Birthday! I hope you enjoy your gifts as much as I’ve enjoyed preparing them for you sugar face!

Live. Love. Lush and Fearless,

namaste signature pink

The Emptiness of the New Moon

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I’ve been working with the moon for a long time now- and I am now beginning to offer a lot more of her lessons. Going deeper into some of the tools and techniques I’ve offered before. Being led towards discussions on the more esoteric or hidden lessons to be learned.

 

One of the common mistakes that I see being made when it comes to working with Lunar energy is to plant too early or to release too soon.  It seems that often we’re not very comfortable with those places of transition. Since the New Moon s nearly upon us let’s talk about her energy a bit.

 

The New Moon is the time period where (historically) people were terrified. There was no moon to alight the sky, all was dark and void. The New Moon has an energy of emptiness- she invites us, lures us, seduces us towards a delicious emptiness.

 

This can be scary and in shadow can take the form of helplessness. Hopelessness.  It can feel like Lack or trigger our worries about lack – about not having enough or being enough.

 

 

We have a love affair with the light. We love illumination. This is wonderful – but what can often be overlooked is that at the beginning – there is darkness and mystery. It is a necessary part of the flow.  This emptiness allows us room to create, to conceive. We can not conceive in an already full womb.  We can not delve into what it is to have a life full of love and abundance, joy and peace if we have already filled our lives  with the pain of disappointment and anger.

 

This is the New Moons gift to us- to become empty.

To start again.

To LET GO.

 

It is only after the release and the emptiness that we are then ready to renew, to begin again. To plant the desired seeds and go towards our desired results.

 

The New Moon is our monthly Sabbath (we actually have another in the Full Moon) our time of not planting nor harvesting. Our time of BEING.  We have shed all that we do not need. We have done our work.  Now it is time to BE with this emptiness. We needn’t rush ahead and begin to plant again. We let our inner ground lay fallow. We sit in the darkness – welcoming her wisdom and potential. We learn we need not feel this space. This time before Time.  We learn to welcome it – this is where the Feminine takes shape. This is where our Feminine energy arises.

 

The New Moon is our beloved and wise friend, inviting us to the Temple of emptiness within. This month allow yourself this time. Go in. Be empty. Welcome the darkness.

Live. Love. Lush and Fearless,

namaste signature pink

P.S. If you’d like to learn more about working with the Moon and the Blood Mysteries check out the Moon Mysteries class on SOFT!

Awakened Shakti – What you should know!

Awakened ShaktiOn this Womb Wisdom/Conscious Femininity path the term Shakti comes up quite a bit. I have observed many of my SiStars beginning to actively seek to embody Shakti energy and on occasion Shakti in her form as Kali.

Shakti energy is incredibly powerful. Just understanding this energy and personage could take a lifetime of study and it would be hubris to presume to tackle this in it’s entirety here in a blog post- That said I would like to offer a bit of insight that I believe can really help as you seek to engage on this level.

Shakti and Shiva need each other– Shakti is INCREDIBLY powerful!! She is awe-inspiring and terrible depending on the aspect of her you’re engaging with. That said Shakti needs Shiva as much as Shiva needs Shakti.

Shakti and Shiva are complements– In modern culture, the idea seems to be put forward that each individual should seek to contain both the Whole of Shakti and the Whole of Shiva individually. I believe this ignores the power of the complementary interconnectedness that this relationship is supposed to embody. I believe that the Shakti/Shiva metaphor is supposed to show us our need for each other and teach us how to honor our differences and reach towards each other for support so that we create from a Divine State of Union not Competition or Devaluing. The Shakti/Shiva energy is-NOT to create even more separation or an energy of us NOT needing each other. It’s to teach us that we DO need each other. In the purely nonphysical state this separation is not needed or present – but our experience of the physical is to teach us how to have this with another – not how to isolate ourselves and leave no room for the other.

Without Shiva- Shakti becomes chaotic and destructive. She finds her efforts frustrated as her energy lacks direction. She makes tons of effort with very little return and actualization. That which is actualized is difficult to maintain. She finds her direction haphazard and flighty. She jumps to conclusions. This is the nature of the Feminine in that the very aspect that is powerful and delicious – becomes less than effective if not held in balance by its Complement which is found at the opposite pole of the Masculine. Have you ever felt this? Extremely creative, flitting from one thing to another – but feeling ungrounded? Unanchored? – This is an awakened Shakti without Shiva. The Yin and Yang combination is meant to be experienced in Divine Union. While there are occasional two-spirits and those who are created to embody both- this is not the typical or normal state. Most of those who are meant to do this sort of interplay solo know this by their lack of desire for companionship (romantic or non) and their hermit-like existence.

In our culture where we prize independence as the height of strength- we miss the true understanding of how to come in contact and connection with TRUE strength that is created in our embodiment of the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine as a COUPLE.

This oneness is so rare that many don’t even seek it anymore and yet I’ve observed more and more people attracting their Twin Flame, more seeking to have this embodiment in their lives.

This is an energetic embodiment and not limited to only Heterosexual couples but can also be found in Gay and Lesbian couples as one partner finds their fulfillment in the embodiment of the Feminine and the other in the Embodiment of the Masculine.

So what if you are single? Are you stuck in lack?

No – I believe that the responsibility of the single individual that seeks to embody either Shakti or Shiva is to find a complimentary energetic embodiment through which they can experience this dynamic interplay. Finding it within yourself is simply NOT ENOUGH. One can find many ways to experience this. Be it through a spiritual practice with others who ARE embodying the complement, or deliberate non-romantic partnership. Let me say here that having a friends with benefits situation is not suitable for this interplay unless there is genuine FRIENDSHIP leading the benefits. This person who is serving as the complement to your Shakti (or your Shiva if you are a man) need to have the following attributes:

  1. Trustworthy
  2. Integrity
  3. Wisdom
  4. Highly embodied Masculine (if you are embodying the Feminine)
  5. Spiritual Maturity
  6. The ability to Speak into your Life in Powerful ways
  7. Autonomy

There needs to be a feeling that you can trust this person with your Feminine and not fear. The same if you are male seeking to embody Shiva. This person needs to be strong and conscious in their own practice – coming to you as an EQUAL Spiritually – not as your student.

If you look around and do not see anyone that fits the bill – don’t lose heart darling! Begin to put forth the request into the Universe – knowing you attract that which you desire!

I hope this helps you as you begin to delve into this deep and profound practice. May you find all that your heart desires.

 

Live. Love. Lush and Fearless,

namaste signature pink

 

P.S – If you’d like a sacred container to hold you, love you, accept you as you Transform – I invite you to join: http://tinyurl.com/GetSOFT

PPS – Richard and I are both available to work with those seeking to awaken Shakti and Shiva energy in their lives by our embodiment of the complement of each of those energies. Sign up for a FREE consult to see how this might look for you!

Sexual Empowerment and Monogamy

Sexually Empowered MonogamyI’ve been a sex educator formally since 2006. I began studying sex and sexuality far before that though. Even in my conservative religious experience as a leader I spent quite a bit of time talking to women about sexuality and how to experience sexual pleasure.

Sexual empowerment is a big buzzword right now. It goes hand in hand with other buzzwords like “women’s empowerment”, “consciousness” and “polyamory”. All of these things are fine and wonderful in and of themselves.

But what if you have no interest in Polyamory?

What if you’re single and have no interest in casual (uncommitted) sex?

What if you have no desire to be “out there” and graphic when it comes to the experience of your sexuality?

This can be very challenging because much of what is written today about Sexual empowerment easily paints a picture of naked spreadeagled women at an orgy as if that’s the ONLY way that Sexual empowerment can be expressed. I’ve noticed and heard from a number of women (and men!) who desire monogamy or who feel that the current conversation around sexuality excludes them:

  • Women who enjoy expressing sensuality that is not overt.
  • Women who have a different type of energy.
  • Men who desire a committed relationship
  • Women for whom the “free love” sort of sexual empowerment doesn’t resonate.

 

These women and men have expressed concern and frustration. Often feeling like there is nothing for them in the realm of sexual expression. I’m writing this to say…

  • You can be sexually empowered and be Monogamous. – Sexual empowerment is not about how many patners you have
  • Sexual empowerment is not synonymous with Exhibitionism. – while there is nothing wrong with being exhibitionistic – it is not indicative of how empowered you are.
  • You can experience any Sacred Sexual practices alone if you’re not in a committed relationship.
  • Your sexuality is YOURS and should feel authentically fulfilling to you – not jarring and distasteful.
  • All practices within the world of Sexuality aren’t for everyone.
  • You don’t HAVE TO explore anything you don’t WANT to.

 

My Beloved and I have been in polyamorous relationships. They were enjoyable and we loved the people very much. And while we occasionally teach on polyamory, we are not currently in this type of dynamic – and we’re not seeking it at this time.  I guess that means technically we’re ~gasp~ monogamous. Yes I know that’s unheard of within the realm of Empowered and Conscious sexuality. In addition -we have no desire for other sexual partners,  and yet- we are totally content. The last few events we’ve attended we have had a number of people come up to us and come out:

“Yes we’re monogamous… even though we get odd looks”,

“We’re in a committed dynamic without other sexual partners and we love it”,

“We had other partners but found we didn’t like it – so we stopped”

 

In each case, these wonderful loving, liberated, conscious  people felt at least a smidgen of shame.

As if they were “selling out”.

As if they needed to prove how open, progressive, and conscious they were by claiming relationship styles that really do not work for them.

And they aren’t the only ones.

Time and time again I receive messages and emails from people wondering where they fit. Wondering if they have to become someone they aren’t in order to be empowered.

The thing about empowerment is it is all about the power within. It’s the power to express what IS within.

If how you’re showing up sexually and relationally is just a mirror of someone else – no matter how empowered it seems – it’s just another weight on you.

When hordes of women were leaving home and going into the work force – the unfortunate downside was that these same women then ostracized the women who DESIRED to stay home and raise their families. Those women were called traitors to the cause. I have met many women who said that they longed to stay home with their children- but didn’t because of fear of being ostracized.

 

 

The key is not to trade one sort of shame for another. To exchange the fear and baggage of sexual oppression for the push and pressure of expressing a sexuality that is not authentic to YOU.

Here’s a newsflash:

Your sexuality is NOT about making a political statement.

At its core it’s about you, and how you desire to connect to yourself, your partners, your Creator and your pleasure.

If you need permission to be Monogamous here it is.

If you need permission to be modest – you got it!

Want permission to be celibate? Go for it!

Want to explore your Juiciness within the realm of privacy – AWESOME!

Perfectly happy in your het, traditional gender expression? I celebrate you.

 

Your sexuality is not yet another way for you to feel that you’re “doing it wrong”. This most sacred space of your Sexual and Relational expression is not public domain for everyone to weigh in and tell you what works for you.

This space is for play.

For joy.

For holding lightly.

If you feel pressure it’s time to take a step back. If you want to explore various practices, techniques and tools – feel free to do that from the energy of liberty, curiosity, and connection – not push. Feel free to enjoy yourself. Also, feel free to evolve and change as works for you.

True Sexual Empowerment is all about the Freedom to be YOU.  This is just the beginning of this discussion I look forward to talking about it more in the upcoming weeks and months!

 

Live. Love. Lush and Fearless,

 

namaste signature pink

 

 

P.S. In my classes and retreats we create safe containers for the exploration of YOU – all facets of you, not only your sexuality. There is no pressure to be more anything other than what you are or to “keep up with the joneses” adding more and more partners to your dance card. Working one-on-one with me I honor YOUR uniqueness, and the authentic relationship and sexuality you desire to embody and explore. If you’d like to learn more check out SOFT, my Retreat or let’s talk!