How do you feel when a man looks at you?

What do you do?

The Masculine gaze is something that is often struggled with.

When I look around I see women responding to the gaze of men by either being angry, afraid or dismissive.

At some point it seems like women decided that any time a man looks at us- it is to harm us in some way.

How sad is that?

And it’s also untrue.

Our discomfort with the masculine gaze  actually does more to harm us as women than it does to harm men.

It’s more of a reflection of how disconnected we’ve become from ourselves and our power than it is a reflection on any wrong doing by men in just looking at us.

It’s a reflection of how we see ourselves as women. Yes, he *might* see you as a sex object, he may desire you. He could also just as easily look upon you with awe and admiration.  You really have no way to know and by defaulting to the negative you deny yourself a pretty amazing experience.

Here’s the thing ladies- the Masculine gaze is powerful because there’s a hidden secret in it.  It’s a man’s Masculine Essence seeking to find the complimentary polarity in your Feminine Essence.

Yes even if the man is NOT conscious of it -that’s whats going on.

Your place of power is in your Response.

The other day I was walking through the grocery store and a man stopped in the aisle staring at me.  I was busy with my list but when I noticed I met his gaze, I smiled slightly – not in flirtation but in Acceptance. I saw something shift across his face. Surprise and… relief? I saw him stand a bit straighter, inhabit himself a bit more.

I was the Goddess meeting his God-self.

I saw him. I accepted him. I became Love.

His Masculine Essence is like a spark, a request, an invitation. – will you allow your innate Feminine to arise and occupy you? Will you stand in your Power and meet him in his as only a Queen can do?

Or will you shirk away? Smirk him? Ignore him? Insult him? Find yourself fearful and embarrassed? Will you respond from a place of ignorance not understanding the cosmic dance that you’re being invited to participate in?

Consider a Queen – she does not shy away from the gaze of her subjects, nor does she shy away from the looks of other royalty. She knows who she is- she actually EXPECTS the attention she receives- it’s part of being who she is after all.

When you meet his gaze from a place of power – it’s not about challenging him. It’s not about staring him down.  It’s about  knowing who you are. Knowing your vastness, your beauty, your Divinity. It’s about recognizing that he’s giving you a spark but you ARE the flame. When you stand in your glorious self, in your full Feminine, allowing your eyes to meet his, centered, expansive, grounded – as LOVE – there is no place for violation, it is literally AWE inspiring. He respects you MORE (Yes, I’ve asked men and this is true!) This is the power of the Activated Feminine.

When you do this- something changes.  Something rises in him. Something intangible. Something beautiful and wondrous and Divine.  When you own your power, you also ignite a spark in his Divine. You open yourself to receive the Masculine power that is resident in the Universe. Yang energy.  You are saying Yes to Active, Focused, Bright energy in your life – allowing that to be a part of your world. All in a moment.  It’s the synergy of the interplay between Masculine and Feminine. It’s Universal and not limited to those you’re in relationship with.

Don’t be afraid darlings. Show up fully in all your glory and power.

Live. Love. Lush and Fearless,

P.S. Want to learn tools, practices and more so that you can show up in your Activate Feminine in Power and Pleasure like this? Check out SOFT! 

I talk a lot about women’s stuff.

Yonis and orgasms, menstruation and hormones amongst other things. And while here on the blog, it’s all out in the open, on a person to person basis it’s my preference to speak about these things in women only spaces.

If I had to sum up why that is my preference I’d call it -The Feminine Mystique.

No, I’m not speaking about the book of the same name- I’m talking about the TRUE Feminine Mystique –  the general principle of the Mystery of BEING a woman.

In the days where men and women each had their own sphere, women had things that were uniquely ours-  for instance, the Blood mysteries was ours and men respected that and even held it in a sense of awe.

Many times we as modern women do not have mysteries that are passed down to us from our mothers, aunts, grandmothers.  When I was a little girl I remember my grandmere telling my mother “We don’t have our mystique any longer- because everything that is part and parcel of being a woman is put out into the world for everyone to see.”

She is so wise my grandmere. And the saddest part?

We mistake this for empowerment.

What I’ve come to understand is that 

the more hidden a thing is the more potency in its expression.

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I sell waistbeads and when women ask me about wearing their waistbeads I tell them that they should be hidden under their clothing. They should only be seen by her mate and herself. Not because using them as a general adornment for the world is “bad” but because holding them as something precious for only her and her Beloved is so incredibly GOOD.

The same can be said of discussions about the Yoni. I’m on a group that is all about appreciating the Yoni. I must say I was surprised and disappointed when there was a huge influx of men joining. I adore men and their unique energy. However, in a group about appreciating our Yoni’s I thought women needed a space where we can discuss those secrets amongst ourselves.  Much like men have a sweat lodge (or other lodge) devoted to them – women need spaces where we can talk about the mysteries of our Feminine – while keeping them mysterious.

In order to cultivate your Feminine Mystique you have to cultivate a trait that we don’t speak of often – and that is discretion.

I’m not talking about discretion in the sense of not gossiping (although that’s true too). I’m also not talking about lying or deception. I’m talking about discretion in the sense of not sharing all your intimacies with the general public. Have practices, rituals, processes that you do that you don’t share with the world.

Create a sense of sacredness and holiness around your Femininity.

This is an opportunity to increase the power of your Feminine expression.  This is why many of the meditations, and practices I teach in SOFT I don’t discuss in detail outside of the School.

Because they’re Holy. Set apart.  Because

Feminine Practices are more powerful when held in a delicious container

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 as opposed to spilled all over the internet.

It’s been my experience that the creation of the Mystique actually serves our Feminine Heart in ways that are more than the sum of its parts. We are fed and nourished by it.

I want to encourage you to invest in yourself in this way.  Some practical ways to apply this:

• Commit to not discussing your moontime and your moon practices in mixed company

• Wear your waistbeads under your clothing, or low enough on your hips so they are not seen.

• Create a sense of privacy around your Yoni egg practices.

• When you’re sharing your Mysteries with other women, encourage them to maintain the container by being discreet.

• Be aware of what you’re discussing on social media.

Can you think of some other ways to create and cultivate your Mystique?

Live. Love. Lush and Fearless,

P.S. Would you like to learn more about cultivating your unique Feminine expression?  Tune in and Turn on in the School of Feminine Transformation!