Healing my relationship with my Father

 My Father and IWhen I was a little girl I was very close to my father.

My family tells me I was such a daddy’s girl – and I vaguely remember my excitement when I saw him. How much love I felt and joy.

In the manner of adults my parents broke up and went their separate ways and as is typical I went with my mother.

From the age of 4 to the age of 15 I did not see my father.

When I did finally go to see him I was in my teens – not the little girl he remembered. I had no real remembrance of him at all. Our relationship was stiff and stilted at best – in part because (rightly or wrongly)  I felt the need to defend my mother and her choices – including the way she raised me.

Time passed with my seeing him 3 other times between the ages of 15 and 19.

More time passed.

Periodically I’d talk to him on the phone – but not often. I resented him wanting me to be the little girl he remembered so he could be the dad to her he wasn’t to me.

I was angry. I felt abandoned and disappointed and didn’t want to hear the excuses. The drama. What amounted to me to be a bunch of BS.

I got to a point where I forgave him. I didn’t want to be angry anymore. I released the disappointment and the desire to make him into someone else.  I thought I was done

When I had my own daughter. I had many things that I felt I wanted her to have that I did not. But it was more than just hopes and dreams for my daughter. These were internally raging emotions of pains in my own life that I DEMANDED be “fixed” in hers.

I realized that there was something- some part of myself that I hadn’t really allowed to heal.

“Forgiveness is not the healing. Forgiveness is the cleansing that allows the healing to occur.”

So I went inside and touched that little girl. The little girl I was when my father broke my heart. The little girl sitting at her 3rd birthday looking through her cards for one from her dad – the card that never came.

I touched that little girl that felt disappointed when he didn’t show up. That felt left behind, cast aside.

I put her little hand in my palm and kissed her cheeks and said, “It’s okay – you are not forgotten…”

I went to the young mother looking for validation from her father- only to be met with disapproval.

I allowed myself to own those feelings of sadness, disappointment time and time again. I had to say “It’s okay to feel that.”

Then I took it a step further.

I found the little girl’s  joy and gave it back to her. The excitement of seeing her father, jumping on his shoulders.

I allowed my present self to really FEEL that – instead of stuffing it down as too painful to remember.

I visualized myself walking up to my Father and saying to him “You hurt me Daddy… but I still love you – I choose to still love you.”

This was healing for me. And it took stages- from anger to releasing to forgiveness, to sadness, to acceptance to love.

Always back to love.

Many women reading this have their own story of pain and disappointment when it comes to their Father. The primary wound of Abandonment in women  often first manifests in that Father/Daughter relationship.

It’s time to heal darlings. And healing is available to you if you’re ready and willing.

Go through your own process. Heal your inner Little Girl. You deserve it.

I love you.

namaste signature pink

 

 

 

P.S. If this speaks to you, I offer a custom blended Yoni Steam called “Little Girl” that is specifically created for healing this childhood wound. More info here 

P.P.S – If you’d like a sacred container to hold you, love you, accept you as you Transform – I invite you to join:http://tinyurl.com/GetSOFT

Full Moon Lab and Priestess Mentoring Info Session!

Heyyy lovely souls!

On Friday 6/13/14 Richard and I are doing a Full Moon Lab!

http://tinyurl.com/JuneTILIL

Full moon TILIL pic

I’ve been getting questions asking what it’s all about. Some of you know about my Slumber Parties – and Downloads – this is in that vein but MORE, in part because my Beloved Richard will be present and offering His insights, and also because you’ll get to experience the energy as well!

The Full Moon has always been known to be very powerful. While many of witchy inclination use it – it’s not strictly confined to such use. Every woman has a connection to the moon and her lunar cycles.

Men can also connect to the power of the Full Moon.

The Full Moon is fabulous energy for recharging, for harvesting and for letting go. Far from just a discussion there will be an opportunity to actually “Do the Work”. Some of the things we’ll discuss in this Lab:

  • What happens when you let go?
  • How does the energy of the Full moon impact your ability to manifest?
  • Recharging- how to do it and when to do it for the most potency.
  • Our latest experiences with Releasing and the surprising results that occurred.
  • Why you may not be getting the results you want in your conscious creation and how to change that.
  • How to take your energetic experiences from intellect to actual.
  • Recorded Replay available
  • Q and A
  • Much more!

At the very end of this Lab- those who are interested in knowing more about Namaste’s upcoming Sacred Feminine Priestess Mentoring can stick around as she’ll answer questions and give more details.

Bio: Richard is a Shaman and an ordained minister with over 30 years experience. Namaste is an Oracle and follower of the WiseWoman tradition as well as an ordained minister. Both are Certified Law of Attraction Experts, Life Coaches, Reiki Masters together they are the embodiment of the Divine Couple.  Possessing gifts of Alchemy and Catalyst they speak Truth and absolute Love into your life.

Live. Love. Lush and Fearless,

namaste signature pink

 

Knowing your place

Did that title make you wince? LOL Good!

At some point, I realized that much of what amounts to drama and contention in many romantic relationships is because no one knows what their place is.

With the advent of egalitarian relationship dynamics – everyone has begun to attempt to occupy everywhere in a relationship. This doesn’t work in any other group dynamic of people- it leads to chaos.

In businesses- you know what your job description is.

In the military – there’s the understanding of rank and position

In spiritual traditions – we have order by virtue of what position one occupies.

But in romantic relationships – everyone wants to occupy everywhere.

A year or 2 ago I was watching a survivalist show where they dropped two men in the middle of nowhere. One man was very hippie-esque.  Very much a tree hugger and gentle spirit. The other guy was a former marine. Very “kill or be killed” in his world view.  What my Beloved and I noticed almost immediately was that the tree hugger dude knew more than the marine about how to find food, how to make sure water is clean and drinkable, the marine dude knew more about how to kill, how to survive when threatened.  They had a difficult time working together because both people wanted to be in charge of EVERYTHING.

How often does this happen in relationships?  Honestly, I see this occurring more in women than men of late. This idea that the state of the relationship would do wonderfully if he just DID IT HER WAY.

I was listening to a lecture by this amazing African Sister a few weeks ago. She was describing how some things such as food and how we eat – are so important in her culture because it provides a sense of place. When a person doesn’t know their place in their family, doesn’t know they have a place, and that they are impactful in their family – frequently that’s when you find more delinquency and abhorrent behavior.

I was contemplating this while thinking on our modern 1st world perspective. We are full of sayings and affirmations that tell those that we are in relationship with “You don’t really matter to me” or “You only matter as long as you’re doing what I want”.

What does this have to do with place?  As we as women have become more independent, more self-assured, as we have found ourselves feeling less and less connected to our need for relationships we’ve begun to say more and more…

“I don’t need a man!”

Now – sit with this for a moment. Feel into this saying.

Does it truly feel like Love?

Does it truly feel like a state of empowerment?

Or does it feel like armor? Like pain cloaked in indifference?

Does it feel like anger?

Maybe – it feels like fear?

Everything-is-Either-an

If we displace our menfolk – our loves, our Beloveds by telling them consistently that we don’t need them, by behaving in ways that say “there is no place for you here, because I’m occupying EVERYTHING” – is it any wonder why he’s not showing up powerfully and presence-fully in the relationship?

Do you know what we call a man who forces himself into situations where he isn’t wanted and openly and actively received?

Our society calls such a man a rapist.

Contrary to the media narrative- the VAST majority of men DO NOT identify as that nor do they have those inclinations.

So if you question his parenting ability – and treat him as if he doesn’t care about his children, or is unneeded in the lives of his children – he’ll often walk away.

If you tell him often enough that he doesn’t love you and doesn’t care about you –  he’ll detach from you emotionally.

If you push him out of all decisions as pertains to the household, the family, your life- he’ll assume a position of passivity on the sofa or in a corner of his “man cave” – because that’s all you’ve given him.

If you want him to occupy the relationship…if you want him to be present with you- you have to realize that his masculine way of doing things will differ HUGELY from your way of doing things. That his mind is wired differently and that this is equally valid and needful in the relationship.

A question of place

When we talk about understanding “place” in relationships – there can be an automatic bristling. Our western mind understands “place” as being always automatically “under” and “less than”.  The last time here in the US someone tried to make a “separate but equal” designation it did not turn out well and the energy of  that national memory is still held in many people’s emotional cellular memory.

That said – knowing your place can be incredibly freeing. Defining within a relationship who will handle what- means that both people know what will work for the whole. Both people (or all people) are being valued, acknowledged and are known to be needful for the function and flourishing of the whole.  Sitting and figuring this out can also be a huge “tell” for what’s going on. Sometimes as women we feel like EVERYTHING is on us- but that’s because we’ve assumed the responsibility for everything without ever even asking our partner.

In my relationship, it’s kind of like Cyrus said on Scandal “I serve at the pleasure of the President.”

Meaning that while I give him my insights, observations, and opinions, at the end of the day, he’s the Leader. He makes the call, and I willingly go in the direction he chooses.

Yes, ladies, I’m an empowered, fulfilled, strong and surrendered wife.

That makes my heart sing and he loves it. It works for us.

For you- the areas or place may need more specific definition. That’s equally valid.  What’s most important is that your partner knows that he has a place. Your Beloved needs to know that he’s needed, valued and wanted in the relationship.

Live. Love. Lush and Fearless,

namaste signature pink

 

P.S – If you’d like a sacred container to hold you, love you, accept you as you Transform – I invite you to join:http://tinyurl.com/GetSOFT

 

Ready to be Seen?

Are you ready to be

How do you feel when a man looks at you?

What do you do?

The Masculine gaze is something that is often struggled with.

When I look around I see women responding to the gaze of men by either being angry, afraid or dismissive.

At some point it seems like women decided that any time a man looks at us- it is to harm us in some way.

How sad is that?

And it’s also untrue.

Our discomfort with the masculine gaze  actually does more to harm us as women than it does to harm men.

It’s more of a reflection of how disconnected we’ve become from ourselves and our power than it is a reflection on any wrong doing by men in just looking at us.

It’s a reflection of how we see ourselves as women. Yes, he *might* see you as a sex object, he may desire you. He could also just as easily look upon you with awe and admiration.  You really have no way to know and by defaulting to the negative you deny yourself a pretty amazing experience.

Here’s the thing ladies- the Masculine gaze is powerful because there’s a hidden secret in it.  It’s a man’s Masculine Essence seeking to find the complimentary polarity in your Feminine Essence.

Yes even if the man is NOT conscious of it -that’s whats going on.

Your place of power is in your Response.

The other day I was walking through the grocery store and a man stopped in the aisle staring at me.  I was busy with my list but when I noticed I met his gaze, I smiled slightly – not in flirtation but in Acceptance. I saw something shift across his face. Surprise and… relief? I saw him stand a bit straighter, inhabit himself a bit more.

I was the Goddess meeting his God-self.

I saw him. I accepted him. I became Love.

His Masculine Essence is like a spark, a request, an invitation. – will you allow your innate Feminine to arise and occupy you? Will you stand in your Power and meet him in his as only a Queen can do?

Or will you shirk away? Smirk him? Ignore him? Insult him? Find yourself fearful and embarrassed? Will you respond from a place of ignorance not understanding the cosmic dance that you’re being invited to participate in?

Consider a Queen – she does not shy away from the gaze of her subjects, nor does she shy away from the looks of other royalty. She knows who she is- she actually EXPECTS the attention she receives- it’s part of being who she is after all.

When you meet his gaze from a place of power – it’s not about challenging him. It’s not about staring him down.  It’s about  knowing who you are. Knowing your vastness, your beauty, your Divinity. It’s about recognizing that he’s giving you a spark but you ARE the flame. When you stand in your glorious self, in your full Feminine, allowing your eyes to meet his, centered, expansive, grounded – as LOVE – there is no place for violation, it is literally AWE inspiring. He respects you MORE (Yes, I’ve asked men and this is true!) This is the power of the Activated Feminine.

When you do this- something changes.  Something rises in him. Something intangible. Something beautiful and wondrous and Divine.  When you own your power, you also ignite a spark in his Divine. You open yourself to receive the Masculine power that is resident in the Universe. Yang energy.  You are saying Yes to Active, Focused, Bright energy in your life – allowing that to be a part of your world. All in a moment.  It’s the synergy of the interplay between Masculine and Feminine. It’s Universal and not limited to those you’re in relationship with.

Don’t be afraid darlings. Show up fully in all your glory and power.

Live. Love. Lush and Fearless,

namaste signature pink

 

P.S. Want to learn tools, practices and more so that you can show up in your Activate Feminine in Power and Pleasure like this? Check out SOFT! 

 

Reviving the Feminine Mystique

I talk a lot about women’s stuff.

Yonis and orgasms, menstruation and hormones amongst other things. And while here on the blog, it’s all out in the open, on a person to person basis it’s my preference to speak about these things in women only spaces.

If I had to sum up why that is my preference I’d call it -The Feminine Mystique.

No, I’m not speaking about the book of the same name- I’m talking about the TRUE Feminine Mystique –  the general principle of the Mystery of BEING a woman.

In the days where men and women each had their own sphere, women had things that were uniquely ours-  for instance, the Blood mysteries was ours and men respected that and even held it in a sense of awe.

Many times we as modern women do not have mysteries that are passed down to us from our mothers, aunts, grandmothers.  When I was a little girl I remember my grandmere telling my mother “We don’t have our mystique any longer- because everything that is part and parcel of being a woman is put out into the world for everyone to see.”

She is so wise my grandmere. And the saddest part?

We mistake this for empowerment.

What I’ve come to understand is that 

feminine mystiquepic

I sell waistbeads and when women ask me about wearing their waistbeads I tell them that they should be hidden under their clothing. They should only be seen by her mate and herself. Not because using them as a general adornment for the world is “bad” but because holding them as something precious for only her and her Beloved is so incredibly GOOD.

The same can be said of discussions about the Yoni. I’m on a group that is all about appreciating the Yoni. I must say I was surprised and disappointed when there was a huge influx of men joining. I adore men and their unique energy. However, in a group about appreciating our Yoni’s I thought women needed a space where we can discuss those secrets amongst ourselves.  Much like men have a sweat lodge (or other lodge) devoted to them – women need spaces where we can talk about the mysteries of our Feminine – while keeping them mysterious.

In order to cultivate your Feminine Mystique you have to cultivate a trait that we don’t speak of often – and that is discretion.

I’m not talking about discretion in the sense of not gossiping (although that’s true too). I’m also not talking about lying or deception. I’m talking about discretion in the sense of not sharing all your intimacies with the general public. Have practices, rituals, processes that you do that you don’t share with the world.

Create a sense of sacredness and holiness around your Femininity.

This is an opportunity to increase the power of your Feminine expression.  This is why many of the meditations, and practices I teach in SOFT I don’t discuss in detail outside of the School.

Because they’re Holy. Set apart.  Because

 as opposed to spilled all over the internet.

It’s been my experience that the creation of the Mystique actually serves our Feminine Heart in ways that are more than the sum of its parts. We are fed and nourished by it.

I want to encourage you to invest in yourself in this way.  Some practical ways to apply this:

  • Commit to not discussing your moontime and your moon practices in mixed company

  • Wear your waistbeads under your clothing, or low enough on your hips so they are not seen.

  • Create a sense of privacy around your Yoni egg practices.

  • When you’re sharing your Mysteries with other women, encourage them to maintain the container by being discreet.

  • Be aware of what you’re discussing on social media.

Can you think of some other ways to create and cultivate your Mystique?

Live. Love. Lush and Fearless,

namaste signature pink

P.S. Would you like to learn more about cultivating your unique Feminine expression?  Tune in and Turn on in the School of Feminine Transformation!