Recently I wrote the following as a Status Update on FB:
This moved me deeply.
Something coalesced for me. An idea that had been simmering for a while
The tendency is to fear heart ache more than anything, and, after heartache to say, “I’ll never be the same” and “I’ll never love the same”
In reality- this is true. We can’t love the same after heart ache.
We can love MORE.
Heartache has the amazing ability to break us open in a way that nothing else really can – if we let it.
Unfortunately the “lessons” we learn often toughen us, callus us, turn us cold and stoney.
This happens because when we have our heart broken we tend to go directly into blame. Our current environment which colors everything uncomfortable or painful in shades of abuse doesn’t help when it comes to this.
But we can deepen.
We can understand that when we’re broken OPEN – the pain of the previous experience gives us the ability to know how deeply we CAN love and be wounded and heal to love AGAIN. We can become both stronger and more softened as a result. We can open MORE, give MORE, remember MORE.
I think of my relationship with my Beloved, Richard. In my previous marriage I thought I knew all of my ability to love and to give. I thought I could not possibly love more.
I was wrong.
In my marriage to Richard I’ve learned a level of surrender, contentment and love that I didn’t know was possible. I’ve become resilient without resistance. It has been precious and profound to experience. I’ve realized that love isn’t known by how perfect our partners are or how perfect we are- it’s known by how well we learn to fit together, how much acceptance we can give to another person. I’ve learned the bravery and devotion it takes to love him more and strangely the more I love him, the better I love me.
The more love I give, the more love I receive. And yet for many – it’s the giving of love- especially without a known “quid pro quo” that is feared MOST.
But we must do what it is we fear to do.
You can do it.
Break open darling.
I love you,