Archives for February 2014
I talk a great deal about the path of pleasure and ease. It’s a worldview that changed my life from being full of stress, worry, and fear to full of joy and acceptance.
Here’s a little video of me doing housework. While this is the first time The Man has recorded it (heh!) – this is totally typical of how I do house”play”- Usually 15 minutes cleaning then 5-10 minutes of this.
Drudgery and misery are overrated –
BTW- if you want to learn some amazing techniques to get more Ease, Pleasure, and Flow in your world – I invite you to join:http://tinyurl.com/GetSOFT
I’m a Libra.
Anyone who knows Libras knows we’re known for being indecisive. This indecision isn’t really because of procrastination as some think – but more because we can see pros and cons to EVERYTHING. We tend to spend a great deal of time trying to weight things out much to the frustration of those who love us.
In my 20’s I really struggled with a few MAJOR decisions- should I stay separated from and divorce my then husband? Should I move to TX? Should I continue with my conversion to Judaism after 3+ years?
(Those answers were – yes, yes and no BTW)
On top of all of this weighing was my belief that I needed to make the RIGHT decision in order to please G-d. I truly felt like if I made a wrong decision there could be DIRE consequences – and that fear kept me in limbo.
I talked to my youngest sibling and he said something that really helped me. He told me that I should just follow my first mind. Later I spoke to a Rabbi and he told me I could always make a different decision if my first one didn’t work out.
I had always felt in some way that:
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime ~Eminem
Yah – that what I thought, life was an Eminem song…LOL
But at that time (about 12 years ago) I realized something pretty powerful.
That if I ended up in a less than desirable outcome – I could always CHOOSE AGAIN.
In other words, even if I take a wrong turn, I can find another route to wherever it is I’m trying to go.
If I steer my vessel in the wrong direction, I can find a map and chart out a new course. Stopping is not an option. I will find my way as long as I keep my eyes on the prize.
That is why I strive to make each step count. A positive attitude helps me move forward and, even when I am unsure of where I am, I am not lost. Instead, I choose to become a trailblazer.
When I come to a fork in the road I trust my intuition to guide me. Being spontaneous in this way helps me release my inner self and experience success in a new way. Spontaneity gives me freedom.
Missing a turn causes me no panic because I know that I have countless options; I am not limited to only one way. A wrong turn may lead me to find a new way. The opportunity to explore the unknown is a turn on.
Although it feels daring to get off the fast-paced highway of life and take the scenic route, detours can be worthwhile because they lead me to discover the beautiful things in life that I otherwise may have missed. The road less traveled is filled with the most stunning sights.
Flexibility allows me to prosper despite failure. Being flexible gives me the strength to keep going when I would rather stop.
So what about you dearest? I’d love to hear your answers to these questions
1. What do you do when you reach a dead end?
2. How might you become less rigid and more flexible?
3. What changes can you make to ensure that you enjoy the journey just as much as the end reward?
In Fearless Abundance and Pleasure,
P.S.S. Could you use more Ease Pleasure and Flow? Get your paws on these Free Videos!
Sometimes when you love a man the only thing you really need to do is be quiet.
My Beloved was talking to me recently. Transparently he shared what was going on in his process of evolving, changing, remembering. I felt – expanded, still, awe-struck to witness him. I sat still. I said nothing. I felt myself honored to be create the space for him to occupy. Much as I feel when I’m in the presence of the Divine, how I feel when attending a birth – I am profoundly aware that what is occurring here is beyond me, beyond words, beyond my efforts, all I can do is feel the joy of being there.
All I can do is hold a sacred silent space.
This can come as a revelation to us women – we tend to to always talk, soothe, seek to fix. For many of us this is how we show love.
But men – they need different things from us and they don’t always need our words.
This is especially important if you are a woman wanting or involved in a relationship with an actualized, conscious man.
He doesn’t need you to fix him.
He doesn’t need you to make him feel better.
He needs you to stop for a moment – and allow him HIS process- without infusing it with yours.
He needs you to trust that he has his own path and flow and engagement with the Divine that needs to take place.
pressing your relationship with the Divine upon him is no substitute for him cultivating his own.
Get out the way and allow for that.
He needs a woman who knows how to hold space. Holding space is allowing for the silence in words – so that something greater can be birthed in that pause.
A woman who understands that his path is equal to hers, but is altogether different. One who is not full of the common hubris which makes spirit the domain of the feminine only.
Learning to hold space, to honor another’s path without judgement or condescension is an art form. It is easy to taint it with contempt or self-righteousness. It’s easy to dilute the Divine Couple relationship on the altar of the status quo and ego.
This is the silence not of anger or resignation. But the silence of true awe. The silence of creating a container. The silence of gestation and birthing.
We’ll talk more about that in an upcoming class- but for now I’ll leave you with this. Take time to be silent. Experience the power of honoring the Divine in your partner with stillness and open space.
In Lavish Love and Delight,
I was awakened this morning with this whisper “The Feminine is being starved by her daughters”
Before I can delve into that – I have to offer a bit of perspective:
Each person has within them a Yin Energy and a Yang Energy
Most men hold Masculine Essence – this means they are catalyzed from Yang energy – and hold inner Yin as the servant or respondent.
Most women hold Feminine Essence – this means they are catalyzed from Yin energy and hold inner Yang as the servant or respondent.
We live in a culture that seeks for each to be complete and without need for the other- and so men are often encouraged to grow their own Feminine essence and basically starve their masculine; while women are encouraged to grow our own Masculine essence and basically starve our feminine.
In doing this- because we are each starving the space we are actually sourced and nourished from – we both end up depressed, angry, stressed, depleted and confused. If doing this is the way to go – why are we so unhappy? Why does it feel like something is missing? Why isn’t it working?
Effectiveness is the Measure of Truth
The Huna have a principle that “effectiveness is the measure of truth” – this is something my Beloved and I live by. No matter what modalities, ideas, philosophies etc; we come in contact with – even if they sound good and are very popular- at the end of the day we ask “How effective is it?” In this case- our litmus for effectiveness is happy, fulfilled people. The truth is we have more broken hearts, lack of connection, and deep soul-wrenching pain than ever before- this in spite of having more opportunity, technology and wealth than ever before.
Something is wrong.
From the feminine perspective my first sentence said it all. We’re starving our inner feminine. As a woman you are most likely nurtured, fed and sourced by your feminine. While you can have a well developed masculine “seed” inside that you have considered masculine – that’s not what feeds you, energizes you, grounds you or gives you stamina. It’s also more likely that you do not contain . an inner masculine at all – but have some yang energy that you CALL masculine.
While you may have been socialized to operate from that Yang space – not allowing yourself to tap into the sources of your Power- your Feminine – will ultimately deplete you.
I was on a a very popular women’s forum a few days ago. I noticed that there were a ton of threads on business, less on being a mother and even less on being in a romantic relationship. I went to a forum devoted to sexuality and sensuality – there were tons of topics concerning sexual technique – far far less concerning sexual connection. I went to a women’s forum on health- again the same thing. A plethora of information on diagnostic tools, herbal and natural formulae and standardized uses – and very little on self knowledge and how you feel.
I could feel this wound in the core of my being. The Feminine asking –
“Why among my Daughters is there no room for me? Why do they not value me?”
The Feminine has many facets and many places that it is nourished and fed from – I have talked about some here, but the one I want to talk about today is Being Relational.
What does that mean? It means that the Feminine is nourished and nurtured by experiencing the world through relationships. While a woman can operate from a transactional (I give X in exchange for Y) or functional (What is the use of X to me?) model – it will not feed her. Because it’s not feeding her – it often begins to drain her – even if she is unaware of how it is draining her.
As a woman who has very much operated in functional model – attempting to survive for about 20 years of my life- I realized that in order to be fed I had to increase the value I held for the relational. This really challenged me because being relational felt – weak. It felt too emotional. It felt far too vulnerable for me.
And it scared me.
I associated the Relational with being smothering, clingy, needy, manipulative and self referenced. I didn’t realize this was only the dark shadow side of being relational. On the light shadow side it really was being connected, vulnerable, tender, caring – Love.
When I decided to just jump in – things changed in me. I began to approach my experiences from the places of allowing it to hold relevance for me – instead of “this doesn’t matter” (a key component of being relational).
But at the end of the day you find out that contrary to what you thought – those experiences don’t weaken you or break you at all – they help you find your true inner strength – instead of the armor you may have have been using.
Live. Love. Lush and Fearless,
*** This post has been revised from it’s original form for clarity and depth. ***
P.S. Would you like to get more deeply invested and connected to that which feeds you? Check out S.O.F.T.
Interestingly I received a mixed response from a couple of women in regard to yesterday’s blog post.
“I thought you were all about women’s empowerment – what was that!!??”
That my darling, was truth.
And while normally I wouldn’t create a follow-up post based on one interaction – this moved me in such a way that I really felt it was needed.
I have had the honor and privilege of engaging with thousands of women over the years.
From corporate CEO’s to stay at home mamas. Priestesses to Atheists. Heterosexuals to Lesbians. Young women to elders.
And I have seen something interesting.
No matter how outwardly successful a woman is – if she is unable to embrace her need for others, her desire for support, her longing for love, her passion for connection in some way – she is unhappy and unfulfilled.
Sadly – women are taught and told that we just need to become more spiritual, more actualized, MORE independent and that by doing so THEN we’ll be happier.
So off we go on the hamster wheel of – “Try harder, Try harder”, buying into the idea of being broken when in reality we’re just HUMAN. Spiritual beings here to have a HUMAN experience.
Humans are communal creatures. Yes, there is the outlier who truly desires a hermit-like existence from a place of health and wellness – but MOSTLY we desire to be in community with others.
Honoring and embracing this isn’t weakness – it’s wisdom.
Humanity – needs men and masculine essence – and on a personal level so do we as individual women.
This isn’t to say that ALL woman need to have a romantic relationship with a man. That’s just silly.
It is to say that without men there would not be babies. When it comes to the continuation of the species, they’re just as needful as women.
Without masculine essence the world would be poorer – I daresay the world would fall apart. Just as much as it would without feminine essence. Masculine essence is different from feminine essence but no less sacred and holy. We need each other.
I love women and I love BEING a woman.
I wouldn’t change it for anything.
I own my power as a woman, my empowerment and ability to make decisions for my life, to fulfill my purpose, to make mistakes, to be gloriously imperfect.
I also recognize that we are all one. We need each other. We all hold a portion of the Divine within us. I am not complete without my husband, my children, my sisters and brothers, my Tribe.
This message is not popular- it’s not aligned with how we’ve been taught as women to associate power.
However, it definitely aligns with a way of walking through the world that leads to joy and a deep-seated sense of fulfillment.
Are you tired of trying to do it all alone? Is the quest for what looks like “power” – at the cost of your grounded contentment and happiness a bit too high?
Is it time for something different?
Live. Love. Lush and Fearless,
P.S. Valentines day is coming up! Want to give a woman in your life a SUPER juicy, clutter-free, gift that is full of Love? Why not try this?
The Divine and I have an ongoing love affair. Don’t worry, my Beloved knows and He’s totally cool with it (especially since they have their own love affair going on.) And like any relationship we engage in pillow talk quite frequently.
As I was laying down today I heard a whisper:
“There is a difference between being Whole and being Complete.”
This held a huge resonance for me and while I was not sure how to articulate that difference I knew it was true.
I began to look around to see if there was indeed a difference, after all, the two words are used as synonyms in most thesauruses. However, the words come from completely (heh) different terms.
Whole refers to health and being undamaged. It also means entire without excluding any parts.
“Complete” refers to being intensely filled and finished. The best way I’ve heard it stated came from a website for non-native English speakers:
Whole Suggests total coverage, complete suggests that there is nothing absent.
What a difference in the texture of those 2 words.
I often hear and read articles aimed at women that say that our ultimate goal is to be complete. The self-help industry, friends, and classes suggest that a fulfilled and happy woman is complete in her self. We are taught that “a self-actualized woman doesn’t need anyone else to complete her“. While I understand the well meaning in those statements I do not believe them to be true.
In fact for a woman
- It removes her from being connected- which is the environment in which the Feminine thrives.
- It creates a drive to “do it alone” that alienates her from potential sources of support and love.
- It puts the label “needy” on natural human sharing, connection and interconnectedness leaving her in a state of depletion.
- It often motivates her to shun connection and interdependence as a statement of her strength.
At the end of the day the attempts to be complete and alone reap the absolute opposite result. Far from being intensely full – she becomes intensely empty. While there is nothing wrong with desiring completion- we need each other to accomplish this goal. And- quiet as it’s kept
We need Men and their Masculine energy.
This doesn’t mean that a single woman is stuck sitting in a corner chewing her nails and trying to figure out how to “get a man”. Not at all. Wholeness is something we can all embrace – not from a state of “something is wrong with me” but from a state of accepting and reconnecting all of our beautiful sacred facets.
As we connect these parts of ourselves that we have neglected, demonized or abused- we come to a state where we understand that
We can stop pyscho-pathologizing our experience of life and get busy living. Deeply and profoundly embracing every opportunity to come into ourselves.
We can understand that we are not broken lonely souls who need fixing – but amazing spirits experiencing the Universe from various places of contrast and connection. Every facet precious.
This is what it is to be a Whole Woman.
Live. Love. Lush and Fearless,
P.S. Would you like to spend time in a virtual space where you can learn more? Connect your facets? Live and Love lushly and abundantly? Check out the School of Feminine Transformation – I’m waiting to welcome you with open arms.