A different kind of New Year

Sitting curled up on the sofa – cup of hot lemon tea in hand and comfy fuzzy blanket draped over my knees I contemplate the New Year.

In my early 30’s I wanted to run out and party on New Years Eve, in my mid and late 30’s I’d make big plans for my life – but for the last couple years I’ve felt something different…

I’m conscious of  “real” time.  We’re in the dead of winter. The nights are long and the days are short. It’s cold and still – everything in my natural environment is asleep. We’re also at the dark moon – the phase f the moon that is least externally directed – the time when we do the most inner working, turning, nurturing.

I spoke to a friend who asked me what I thought she should do to for New Years eve – what big proclamations she might give. I encouraged her not to. I said:

If you would do anything- commit yourself to Self Care. To simple stillness and consciousness.

I realize this isn’t a big blast of a New Years resolution. Even those who say they don’t do resolutions tend toward huge external focus during this holiday – What will I do next year? Where will I go? How big can I be?

And while I do not believe there is anything wrong with being bigger- committing to “bigness” while the energy swirls around that says “go with, within, within…”  tends to prevent being successful in whatever the endeavor is.

So I turn Within.

I follow this energy and allow the stillness. I listen with curiosity to the voice of my inner being, my womb, my light and my shadow.

I commit to being.

To lavishing more love within myself. To more compassion for myself. To remembering my Divine nature.  To becoming more of I AM.

I do not focus on the external actions – which pass away in the glaring face of life, and time, and an already full plate – failing at which creates less self love and more loathing. Less self compassion and more criticism.

I invite you do the same. Commit to yourself. Commit to nourishing your inner being – not to bigger and more grand external movement – but to momentous and pivotal internal shifting in awareness.

Not a bigger business but more insight.

Not a more fit body – but more self love.

Not to stop addictive behavior- but to being more present with your longings.

Not grandiose projects – but to awareness of what sustains you.

If you commit to more internal love, acceptance and devotion- you will find that the external  actions naturally and gently unfold – effortlessly.

You don’t need to do anything – but commit to you…

Have a tender and joyful New Year!

In adoration and love,

namaste signature

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P.S. – Ladies –  if you’d like support in your self commitment while learning, growing and deepening check out this bit o’lusciousness – from my heart to yours. GET Soft 

 

The Re-Birth of the Divine Couple

For years now I’ve noticed something… and it’s been a bit disturbing.

I’ve watched as women have bought into the “truth” told to us by our culture of what it means to be powerful, strong and successful.

And I’ve observed women harried, stressed, burned out and tired.

Women who don’t feel supported, loved, or connected.

I’ve noticed women believing that conscious masculinity is  is basically the feminine in a male body.

Women for whom the word “pleasure” is some distant and meaningless thing that others should have.

And like someone whose hair is on fire – I have watched women run faster and faster in an attempt to put out the fire that is draining their life force, making them ill, and bringing them misery.

  • We need more rights!

  • Men need to communicate better!

  • We need more money!

  • We need more success!!

  • We need better pharmaceuticals!

And yet- as each demand is met we find ourselves more internally frustrated and lacking in Fulfillment.

On the side of the Masculine-  we have inadvertently created a culture which forces men to find their identity through us.

Men are now insecure, lacking in direction and checking out of relationships while constantly seeking to appease and manage their women’s moods, emotions and volatile behavior.

We call this being a “good man.” And yet even with these good men – women find themselves equally stressed and frustrated.

We have made a grave error.

As women in our quest for love, for actualization, for feelings of value and respect – we have created an environment that is adversarial towards masculinity.

Anytime we require men to  do things in ways that are based on what works for women – we emasculate them.

Anytime we require women to do things based solely on what works for men – we devalue her.

It is time for the birth of the Divine Couple.

What is the Divine Couple?

The Divine Couple is both the Sacred Feminine and the Divine Masculine working together as the powerful complements they were originally meant to be.

We are more than the sum of our parts.

It is not feminist nor is it patriarchal. It is truly based on mutual respect for our differences in business, delicious fascination for that polarity in our relationships and seeing the world as better and actualized when we have BOTH the Masculine and the Feminine.

A relationship based on Acceptance and embodying love. A relationship that allows for each person to unfold and remember who they are.

Richard and I have been doing this work in our own relationship for over a decade and in helping others in their relationships for over 6 years.  At this point we are feeling called to reach a broader audience and to open this concept up for exploration and internalization in a deliberate and conscious way with others who are feeling this as something they long to actualize.

The School of Feminine Transformation – is the Feminine side of this Divine manifesting. Not only does it serve to create a space and learning avenue for the Transformation of women into their more empowered Feminine selves – it approaches this education from a perspective of complementing the masculine. (find out more here)

On The Divine Masculine side – Richard offers one on one coaching helping men harness the power and passion of their Masculine presence and purpose and also to complement the feminine.

We also offer classes, retreats and sessions for couples who seek to do the work of Transforming from the common into the Divine. Manifesting Infinite potential, love and power.

This is what we live. This is what we do. And now, this is what we offer to you.

Women need a SOFT space…

A few years ago I had an idea – I saw a place where women could get in touch with themselves and cultivate, create and remember their various facets and aspects.  Part Mystery School, Part Sisterhood, Part Red Tent, Part Academy – all succulence, radiance and feminine beauty.

A place where women could learn to dance with their inner knowing, to re-wild their spirit and unveil their sensuality and grace.  

 A place for you as a woman to Remember who you are. 

So often when perusing the internet, meet up groups and the like I find there are MANY spaces for women, however most of those spaces leave something out. 

If I were to try to encapsulate the energy that I feel missing from many feminine spaces- it is the energy of the complement of the Masculine. 

In most spaces devoted to women I find myself feeling like not only is the masculine not there (which makes sense – it is a feminine oriented space after all) but a huge component of what it is to be feminine is overlooked and ignored. 

That component is our need and desire for interaction with men and masculine energy. 

There are very few spaces that honor our desire to be engaged in a complementary dynamic with the masculine, while also feeding and nurturing our feminine essence as uniquely different. 

The teaching, classes, and ideas posited by many women’s teachers seem to suggest that masculine energy is a necessary evil, something to be manipulated at best and totally ignored at worse. 

It does not honor the whole of our being because it does not open to our various parts. 

If I’m to mother effectively I have to be able to connect and honor the masculine in the world because every child comes from both male and female and will need to be be able to understand and interact in ways that honor both. 

If I’m going to have amazing relationships I have to learn to respect and connect with my Beloved in ways that honor the his masculine energy and way of loving. 

If I’m going to have a successful career I have to see  the benefit of the masculine way of doing business as well as the feminine so that when I engage with it I am not contemptuous. In business to be effective I must find a way to connect and collaborate with the masculine. 

If I’m going to delve into the Feminine Divine, The Devas, and The Goddess I also need to understand and honor The God and The Masculine Divine as Her counterpart and as no less Holy. 

It was from this place of wanting women to be whole -to be our wholly actualized and divine selves that I have finally given birth to this baby – this precious being that has come to be. 

This sacred space that I hope speaks to you, acknowledges you, feeds and nurtures you. A space that leaves no facet of your unique being behind. This is me sharing all that I am and every gift that I’ve been given. 

GET Soft

This space offers teachings from many modalities, traditions, and walks.  Teachings that are a light along your path. Not deciding what your path will be, nor walking the path for you – but illuminating when needed so you don’t stumble needlessly. 

It will also give you something that we don’t have much of  – a space for a sisterhood. A space to find other women who you can grow and learn with. Rejoice and laugh with. Cry and Wail with. 

This space is as diverse as women are. Whether you are hippie mama, or rock star. Christian or Atheist. Artsy or Engineer. Rocking the Goddess joujou for decades or just tentatively taking steps. Or perhaps you’re all of the above trying to work out the mystery of you. 

Come.

I Invite you….

More here….

In Juicy Love and Intention, 

namaste signature pink

Mess Up’s and Abundance

How to get out of a cycle of lack

 

Last night I decided to make bread pudding for dessert – as I was cracking the eggs my youngest  said : “Mom, how did you get so good at breaking eggs- how do you break them so perfectly”

I looked at him and said: “Practice”

Then I thought about how often it was as I was growing up that I’d want to try something and might not be able to. How often we were broke or without money – and how everything we had was very…scarce. In our home – there wasn’t much time or space for mistakes or accidents. When you only have a dozen eggs and no money for more – you can’t afford to waste them on childish inquiry and curiosity.

If you grew up poor you may know this feeling.

The bad thing about this is it sets up a belief in your energetic memory that says “You can’t afford to make mistakes, they cost too much.”

This belief keeps you from trying new things. Taking risks. Breaking eggs. Making messes.

It had for years kept me in a state of angst and turmoil. Always worried and concerned. And so it seemed that the Universe gave me things to be worried about. At some point I decided I wanted to see what it was about me that created this expression. Where were those ideas housed and how was I attracting them towards me.

I realized –

In order to get out of a cycle of lack – you have to be willing to make mistakes.

There is no other way. This is how we learn – from our screw ups, mess ups, and imperfect actions. When we are in a state of lack we deny ourselves those opportunities for fear that we will not have enough when we need it.

Fear of being without makes us not take chances, explore, expand. Conversely – messing up, getting shells in our eggs, bleaching the clothes on occasion and making an utter fool of ourselves is a means by which abundance is expressed. We recognize that if we mess up a bit it’s okay. That life will provide us with another opportunity to try yet again. And because we live in such a punishment based world many might think – well what’s the difference between good mess ups and “bad” mess ups with penalty or karmic bad-stuff. One thing that shows the difference is a word you hear Richard and I use a great deal around here.

Passion.

When we mess up following our passion. When we follow our Love – while the outcome may not be a desired one – we will always be made more because of it.

When we mess up following our fear and neglect –  we often end up feeling regret.

Our relationships are a good place to apply the mess up principle: 

When we’re in a lack mentality we  begin to view anything that happens with our Love’s as being a deal breaker, indicative of something major, the tip of the iceberg. Our vibration of lack  creates all sorts of limiting beliefs that that constrict the dynamic and make it dry, analytical…. empty. 

When we’re in an Abundance mentality we understand that  just because he forgot to take out the trash doesn’t mean our relationship sucks. Just because we didn’t have a mind-blowing orgasm doesn’t make our sex life dead. Just because he says that some super-model is hot doesn’t mean you’re not. Abundance shifts things. It expands your possibilities.  It makes imperfections in relationships mere character builders,  not destructive tendencies. 

Today Darling, insert a bit more mess into your life. Allow some mistakes. Allow the abundance to flow through your f-ups! 

Living. Loving. Lushly, 

namaste signature pink

 

 

 

 

P.S. –  Check out this amazing-ness – Learn, Laugh and leave no facet of you behind – cause you deserve it sweetheart! SOFT__School_of_Feminine_Transformation

Vulnerability is the key…

If we would have a relationship based in love and respect - that respect has to go both ways.

 

If we would have a relationship based on love and respect – that respect has to go both ways.Recently I was speaking to a friend and she was conveying to me how difficult it can be to get the man in your life to do something.  She wanted to know if I had any suggestions along that line that might help her.

 As I sat and pondered I realized that much of what is written on the male-female relationship is less about relationship and more about a transaction:

 You do this and I’ll do that.

In order to receive what we want out of the relationship as women – we need to learn to step out of the idea that we should be trying to “get him” to give us what we want. This can be a really challenging concept to come to grips with.

If we would have a relationship based on love and respect – that respect has to go both ways.

We have to truly respect the man in our life. 

And we show that respect not by trying to “Get him” to do what we want.  As women, we seem to think that the best way to influence our partners is either by nagging, yelling or shutting down when we feel he is ignoring us.

 The problem, though, is that more often than not we expect men to process and communicate in the same way that we do.  They do not.  Because men do not think or communicate the way we do – they also do not respond to nagging, yelling and shutting down the way you’d hope for.

 Such behavior is usually a very good way to get the man in your world to totally turn off of the relationship and to totally check out.

 This means that our pushiness (which can be a big expression of our Shadow) nearly guarantees certain death to the passion in your relationship and creates a communication gulf for the simple reason that men are so different in how they process feelings and emotions.

For example, a woman wants to talk about her problems whereas men tend to become introverted and like to figure out their problems on their own. For a man to talk to someone about his problems it usually means that he is asking for advice or a solution, which is why when women share their problems men tend to offer solutions. When we women are airing our grievances we usually don’t want to hear a solution, we just want to be heard, understood and held. We want someone to empathize.

We want him to feel us.

 Most men and women now understand that part of things. Strangely understanding the differences in our communication styles did not solve the issue of us misfiring in our communications and feeling less than satisfied. In fact, it seems like all that knowledge did was cause women to decide that men don’t communicate well and need to fix that – and for men to decide that women are whiny and annoying and no one can change that.

That is not the conclusion we have to draw.

Instead of using the information that we communicate differently as a sort of judgment against your partner – how about viewing it through the lens of love?  Most often it is not what we’re communicating so much as what’s lacking in the communication that’s the issue.

Feeling emotional, fearful, and sad can all be expressed in any healthy relationship – when we express them through our Shadow they come across as rage, bitterness, and irritation. When we express them in light- we are able to allow them to travel on the path of tenderness and vulnerability.

 Yes, there’s that dirty V word.

 Vulnerability is one of the most powerful things we have in our tool chest of feminine gifts. By opening your heart up and expressing your true feelings you will be surprised at the results.

You shouldn’t mistake vulnerability as a weakness because allowing yourself to be vulnerable means that you are strong enough to accept the fact that you might get hurt if you open yourself up. In fact, by allowing yourself to be vulnerable and express a full range of emotions, you will be looking after yourself more because you will be telling him exactly what you want and what you need.  And you are doing so in a way that touches his heart.

That’s right ladies- here’s one of the biggest secrets that women have forgotten…

 

It’s what inserts your presence under his skin and close to his vulnerable spaces. It’s what moves him to be fiercely protective, to move mountains in your name and to want to give you the moon.

It is not your intellect, your business savvy, your ability to cuss like a sailor or rock his world in bed (although all of those things may be various flavors of icing on his cake), what really moves a man and takes him out of his head and into his heart – is your ability to get out of yours.

But.

And there is always a but isn’t there?

This isn’t about manipulation. This is where I see this go off the rails pretty quickly so often. Women read things like this and say “AHA!! Okay got it… I need to act soft, act tender, I need to act in these ways then he’ll do what I want!”

First- the key is not to act – the key is to be. Deciding to act reduces the sacredness of the interaction to a mere ATM. You put in tenderness and get out what you want.

That’s hardly a relationship.

No – we don’t cultivate tenderness and softness for him only – we do it for us.  When a woman has learned to be vulnerable – to show up in her FULL expression as powerful and weak whatever that may be – she has taken a huge step in opening herself to the process that creates Universes.

She begins to know herself as Love – and so she begins to show up to be Loved.

And this makes all the difference.

May you find your heart as soft and wild and tender today.

In unleashed Love,

 namaste signature pink

 

 

P.S – If you like this and felt a few aha’s or bells ringing for you- take a look at what else I made for you here. 

 

 

Christmas Hooplah leaving you flat?

For some of us today is not a day of Merriment and Delight. 

It’s not fun happy or joyful. 


In fact it’s been years (if ever) since you’ve felt Ye Olde Yuletide Spirit. 

So if you’re one of those people who’s home alone at Christmas

Or surrounded by folks you don’t like. 

If your stocking is full of coal – or not full at all…

If you’re usually a “Chrismas person” who has for some strange reason found yourself not having Holiday wonder this year… 

It’s okay.

There I said it. 

It’s okay to feel bad and lonely and sad and conflicted on Christmas. 

It’s okay to be alone, or broke, or disappointed. 

It’s okay to feel a distant sort of melancholy or irritation, resentment and anger. 

You don’t have to force yourself to put on a pretty, happy, jolly face today. 

Christmas is just one day out of many. And believe you me – I’ve had more than my share of not so grande Holidays. 

This year we waited too long and couldn’t find a Fresh Tree – so we didn’t put a Tree up.  We really played with our Law of Detachment on that one. 

It sucked. But it’s okay too. 

One year there were no gifts – That also sucked, but it was okay. 

There was a year I spent alone. But I got through it. 

In just 16 hours – it’ll all be a memory and life will go on. 

Here’s some cool things you can do- they’re fun. They’re free – and they might just be enough to brighten your mood if you want your mood brightened. 

  • Play games on Facebook

  • Listen/Watch this music video (I can’t watch it without dancing) 

  • Read other people’s confessions (playing the voyeur can be fun!)

  • Read the Best of Craigslist it’ll crack you up! 

  • Google yourself- be shocked or appalled

  • Catchup on your TV watching with Netflix or Hulu

  • Grab Spotify and check out our play lists 

  • Check out Youtube – Do some art, Learn Yoga or Belly Dancing!

  • Listen to our Podcasts – they’re insightful and amusing! 

If you don’t want to feel better and you just want to be with your doldrums (hey, I used that word in a sentence) you have absolute and vibrant permission to do that too hun. 

Have yourself whatever kinda Christmas you feel to have! 

With Love and Christmas Cookies, 

namaste signature pink

 

 

 

 

P.S. When you’re done with the eggnog and ready to tune back in to life- check out this bit o’awesome. Cuz you should. SOFT__School_of_Feminine_Transformation

Broken Shells Teach us strength

The shell only needs to be strong until it’s ready to be cracked open. At that point, that which the shell contains must be stronger ~Namaste

As I look at how I definite myself- my femininity, my strength, my creativity – I have found that the idea of being a “strong” woman is vastly over rated. 

In fact I think that attempting to fulfill this mandate, to show up as “strong” has caused more than a little bit of pain and suffering. 
 Being strong is not something you “try” to be. At least not the type of strength that life requires.  Being strong is the space you occupy when you break free of the shell and decide to experience the vulnerability of the first breath. 

And I realized something the other day. I’m not aiming to show up in the world as strong any more. At some point my desire to be strong – simply disappeared. 

My aim is to show up as tender. 
Show up as kind
Show up as love. 
Show up as authentically me. 
Or how about to just show up. 

When I talk to women I can hear that longing in many voices. The tiredness. The frustration. The fear. The longing to experience life in a different way. To experience men in a different way. The longing to know herself and to open to the brilliance thats just aching to break free. 

I hear you. I see you. 

You are also ready to do something different. 

That longing is the seed of your actualizing. Follow it. 
Wherever it goes – let it move you, take you, have it’s way with you. 
Give in to it with abandon… your heart will thank you. 
Live. Love. Lush and Fearless, 

namaste signature pink

 

 

 

P.S. – Click here for a link to something magnificent that I created for you. You’re going to want to see this…SOFT__School_of_Feminine_Transformation

Doulaing…

For as long as I can remember I wanted to do something in the realm of birthing.

First it was to become an OB/GYN (I made this goal when I was 6).

Then, when I gave birth to my first-born son,  it changed to midwifery. I had a midwife at the hospital and she was amazing. My birth was swift and unexpected by the other nurses (less than 4 hours) and I recall being wheeled through the hospital halls while crowning. It felt surreal and like something I’d seen in a movie once before.

Three babies later and I realized that it would be years before I could put the time and attention into becoming a midwife and more years still before I wold have a schedule that would allow for something that would take me away from my own wee children.

And so I became a doula. To be a doula is to be literally  a “woman’s helper” – whereas a midwife will help you with the technical pieces – the Doula is there to provide the emotional nurturing. She’s there watching, offering,  guiding you down the path of birthing your baby. She doesn’t decide for you. She provides information, insight, disclosure so that you can feel into what’s right for you.

She is a light to your own strength.

I have had the pleasure and privilege of helping some amazing mamas bring phenomenal lights into the world. A professional athlete. A woman who gave birth to triplets at home. A woman who approached her first birth with terror and bravery. And while they always are effusive in their praise – it is truly they that have done the work. I simply mirrored their own desires, served as mama bear to their process, became the sieve that clarified their Truth.

And what a privilege it is to do so.

It now occurs to me that this is the same thing that occurs in my mentoring of women. There are tools, processes, practices and techniques that have helped me – truly helped me in my process of becoming.  They did not define me for me- but they helped me define myself. Some of these I have encapsulated into my own systems, some of these are systems I’ve gleaned from others over the past 21 years.  I take all of this and offer it to her – teaching her how to find her own truth and LIVE it. When she feels like she can not go on, I am her greatest cheerleader – letting her know that she is already doing the work she sought to do.  When she needs to know her greatness – I sing it from the mountaintops. I am the blankie of comfort if she needs that as well. It is a wonderful delightful relationship.

I invite you to learn more about how to experience this dynamic relationship here. 

Either way, my greatest wish for you this Holiday season is that you find a doula for your Truth. A midwife for your Dream, a Connection for your Flow. You don’t have to do it alone.

In Life, Love and Lushness,

namaste signature pink

P.S – If you’d like a sacred container to hold you, love you, accept you as you Transform – I invite you to join:http://tinyurl.com/GetSOFT

Men…Shift out of NEUTRAL and Into DRIVE

This is the last post in this series about Men and Being Stuck in Neutral…

 

Shifting from Neutral into Drive

Unfortunately, the emotion that works almost 100% of the time to shift the masculine from neutral into drive – is ANGER.

Being angry is like being The HULK for a Neutral Guy – one moment you are calm, serene and in chil land – the next moment you feel like a giant raging green beast monster. Seeing or experiencing some form of injustice, either personally or observing can bring it out. Being fully immersed in a sporting event or contest can be a catalyst as well – watching our fave team struggle on the playing field can lead to anger and shift us into DRIVE. Being in DRIVE is exhilarating, its exciting – for most men its a level of being alive that is orders of magnitude beyond the mundane and everyday. Unfortunately using the emotion of anger to shift one’s energy from NEUTRAL into DRIVE in your relationship is like blowing out a birthday candle with a hand grenade. Sure its effective – but its also messy. Extremely.

I Have No Idea What We Are Talking AboutAn imbalance in polarity between men and women in a relationship can also be the catalyst for a shift into DRIVE. Relationships can be a self-correcting system akin to a stock marketplace ‘correction’… when the pendulum of energy in the relationship swings too far in the direction of the feminine, it is often the feminine that ‘forces’ a shift back toward the masculine.   She finds the experience of carrying the energy for the masculine and the feminine in the relationship exhausting…and near impossible to do long term. In an effort to restore some sort of balance in the relationship, the person NOT in neutral will get so frustrated that they literally become the catalyst for change. Sometimes this inspires anger in the masculine to the point where HULK begins to emerge as part of that process. When there is a deficit in masculine polarity, in some relationships the feminine will appear to poke and prod at the masculine, challenging, demanding – the unspoken question below the surface: Where are you?
Finally, when the masculine arrives at the That’s Enough stage, then everything goes crazy for a moment – because the two parties are literally forced BACK into polarity, and the energy of this reaction is wild and unfocused. This is one of the reasons why some couples cycle from doldrums to arguing to happiness and then back to the doldrums until the next argument cycle. The relationship has a built-in circuit breaker that trips periodically in order to preserve the integrity of the system. After an argument cycle, the anger dissipates and is replaced by attraction and passion ignited by the resurgence in polarity. This will mean a short period of time of good times for the relationship. Make up sex anyone?  As a result of the resurgence in polarity they experience intense attraction and interest in each other again.

Because the polarity between them isn’t conscious, it will be difficult to sustain – and after a while old habits will return. He gradually shifts back into NEUTRAL and she will begin taking on more and more responsibility for maintaining the polarity in the relationship. Because neither party is conscious of exactly when they start to slide backward into old patterns, they may go on like this under the tension of frustration (which is WAY different from the tension of polarity) building up until the next relationship cataclysm. This relationship has become a volcano that erupts sporadically, sometimes with little warning. Between eruptions the calm (or lack of hostilities) looks a lot like peace, but it isn’t. Not really.

Getting out of NEUTRAL

How can you shift out of NEUTRAL into DRIVE without the potentially devastating fallout of anger and irritation? Is there a strategy that is sure to defuse every tense situation, bring instant harmony and understanding, inspire and ignite polarity and lead to hot sex and a deeply fulfilling relationship for all?

Is it possible to be crazy happy and content in your relationship with her and with him, even if you don’t always understand why they do the things they do?  Absolutely.  First thing – stop worrying so Screen Shot 2013-11-14 at 4.20.25 PMmuch about what THEY are doing and concentrate on yourself.  GASP am I advocating selfishness? Sorta. In my opinion the masculine today is TOO focused on the feminine for clues, cues and permissions to be masculine. Yes I know we are pretty hardwired to want to make her happy and what better way to find out what makes her happy than to be hyper vigilant about what she wants, I mean who would know better than she would about what she wants? Right? So just do THAT, and all will be well.

As a relationship philosophy it seems like that should work – the reality is that it doesn’t work for most people. There are a lot of frustrated women and men going through the same song and dance everyday and wondering why it doesn’t work. Why do we keep doing the same things but expect different results?  Its my opinion that most men follow this philosophy due to conditioning and observation. Its likely how your Dad did it and how your Grandfather did it as well.  The reason why it doesn’t work is not because there’s something wrong with you or with her.

Here’s the secret;

The feminine cannot teach the masculine how to BE masculine. Anymore than the masculine can teach the feminine how to actualize her femininity. We (Men and Women) don’t think the same, our brains literally work differently in a lot of ways – this is not just my opinion, it is actual scientific fact.  The doctrine of ‘She knows best/everything/what you should be doing’ is a well-meaning philosophy, but its really a terrible idea, specifically when it comes to being yourself and actualizing your masculinity in the relationship.

This isn’t a case of inability or lack – for example my Namaste is strong, capable, intelligent, insightful and altogether wonderful it so many ways, there isn’t enough time or pixels in the world to articulate the full breadth and scope of her wonderful-ness. At the same time, she can be ephemeral, mysterious, effervescent, and holistic, flipping rapidly through emotions and thoughts and desires at a dizzying pace – a pace that doesn’t translate very well for the masculine mind. If I am constantly looking at her for clues as to how Im supposed to be in the world, we both will end up confused and irritated.  By the time I’ve delivered to her exactly what I think she meant, she will have changed her mind! My consistency and focus doesn’t mean Im slow – and her ephemeral changeability doesn’t mean she’s flighty.  We’ve learned in our society to attach negatives to our natural talents and tendencies – this is unnecessary and wrong to do. Difference is not a disability. We have different ways of looking at the world – but that’s all they are, different. Not better or worse – just different.

Being Your Best You

  • Being your best you and having the relationship of your dreams means being vulnerable – it means opening the vault and getting out of your head and into your body.
  • It means feeling the fear of potential misunderstanding and rejection and moving ahead anyway to have the tough conversation.
  • It means communicating when you are hurting, especially when it would be much easier to just be angry or withdraw.
  • It means letting her know how you are feeling, how you are REALLY feeling. It means owning your feelings, acknowledging and honoring them, instead of burying them, ignoring them or trying not to feel anything.
  • It means taking the initiative – to be the opener of communication on any subject – to participate as a leader and an advocate for your own feelings and not just waiting and constantly responding to what SHE wants to talk about.
  • Finally – being your best you  means fully participating in your relationship as an equal partner and taking responsibility for its success. It is essential that the masculine stop making the feminine the custodian and guardian of all things having to do with the heart and emotions.

Open your mouth. 

Open your heart.

Open your eyes. 

This is what it means to shift out of NEUTRAL into DRIVE. Trust me, its worth it.

Thankful Desires

During this time of year where we have Thanksgiving and Christmas so close together I’ve often wondered about the irony.

 

Why have the day that we spend in so much gratitude followed by one of the most commercialized days of the year?

 

Normally I sort of scoff at all of the consumerism, promising myself not to go overboard on spending and not to give into the pressure of  “Buy! Buy! Buy!”

 

In fact I even had an excellent blog post planned on how to NOT have a Holiday season based on acquisition. (Which I still may do mind you!) It was all very lofty and self-righteous as only we enlightened sorts can be.

 

But there was something niggling at me about it. It’s just didn’t feel “real” to me.

 

This morning it suddenly occurred to me that as a person who coaches and speaks on helping people get clear and honest on what their Desires are- why am I then promoting a sense of “Bad! Bad!” about the having of desire at this time of year.

 

The reality is wanting, longing, desiring is a good thing.

 

Whether it be in business, in love, in health, or in life in general – knowing what you want is the key to finding your fulfillment.

 

This is why the tendency to juxtapose thankfulness and desire is so  – erroneous.

Because the two are not mutually exclusive.

In fact- contrary to being enemies the two do  a profound dance that can help you unearth some powerful insights.

 

The reality is knowing what you’re thankful for can HELP you get clear on what you’re really desiring.

We’ve all read, heard, seen and know about the importance of “knowing what you want”. This isn’t news. It seems like everyone is talking about it. Danielle LaPorte created a whole system in regard to it. Oprah Winfrey does Life Class about it. Even Abraham- Hicks talks about “Knowing what you are Wanting”.

 

And while we’re all aware of the need to know what we are wanting- in this current technological age – we’re frequently so  cerebral that we can have trouble connecting the dots between how we want to FEEL and what we want.

 

The feelings part gets us stuck every time.

 

Here’s where we get to the magic in this post.

 

If you know what you’re thankful for – and by thankful I mean knowing what you feel a real sense of appreciation and gratitude for – this will tell you what you’re REALLY wanting AND how you want to feel.

 

In other words your gratitude has the hidden gift of revealing to you your inner core desired feelings.

 

 

The Man (my amazing husband) and I started a gratitude practice a few months ago. Everyday we write down 10 things we’re thankful for and why.  Every night we think of the thing that happened that day that we are MOST thankful for.

 

If I read over my gratitude journal I begin to notice a theme emerging.

 

If I wanted to I could even graph it (how’s that for cerebral?!)

 

An example might be an entry like:

 

“I’m thankful for my Vita-Mix because I’m able to make amazing green smoothies that keep my body feeling clean and strong.”  (This is a real entry by the way)

 

From this I could say I want a strong body.

I desire to FEEL – clean, healthy and a sense of well being in my body

 

I find that I have numerous entries like this or along these lines indicating that this feeling is pretty darn important to me.

 

If I look at all of my entries I notice I have 5-7 of these types of themes running throughout. My gratitude is revolving around 5 -7 different types of feelings and desires.

 

I can then use this information to create a perpetual Christmas – giving  myself these core feelings and wantings on an ongoing basis.

I can communicate these things to those I love and those who love me – making it easier for them to know what to gift me with.

I can use this as a touchstone -I know what to say yes to and what to decline based on knowing how I want to feel and what I’m wanting.

 

Try it yourself:

 

*Keep a gratitude journal for 30 days.

*Every day write down 10 things you’re Thankful for and WHY. It is important that the why be real and actually not theoretical and philosophical.

*Do not read the entries for 30 days

*At the end of 30 Days  re-read the journal

*Keep a list of repeating themes

*Notice what your desired feelings and wanting are based on it.