Podcast Episode 3- Giving, Receiving and Ego

Good morning!

In this podcast we talk about Giving and Receiving- here’s a couple BIG take aways!

“The contract is between the Giver and the Universe/Source – it is not between the giver and the receiver”

“Sometimes we give to feed our ego – real giving is given – and then letting it go when it leaves your hand”

Listen to the Audio to receive more – and be sure to like, share and comment – we’d love to hear from you – How are you giving these days? How are you receiving?

Live. Love. Lush and Fearless,

~Richard and Namaste


Being with Longing

Recently I was talking to a woman who indicated that she really wanted a relationship …


she really was not comfortable with longing for one.

She really wanted to feel like she didn’t really want a relationship. That she’d be okay either way.

I looked at this beautiful radiant woman in front of me and I told her…

“Longing is the path that carries the actualization of Desire, you’ve got to learn to surrender to your longing”



She blinked at me with wide, teary eyes.

And I understood the fear in those depths.

When we allow ourselves to long for something we also open ourselves up to disappointment.

It’s okay.

That does not make you foolish, or weak, or less than.

Without longing, we can not have what it is we truly long for.

“Like unto itself is drawn” ~Abraham

What does this mean? It means that in the space of no Desire- you receive nothing. In the place of fear you receive what you fear and in the place of longing you receive what you long for.

Here’s the thing.

Longing is not lack.

Longing is to grow long, to lengthen to meet a desire. 

Longing is based upon a leaning towards what it is that is longed for.

It is the polar opposite of lack. Lack is about focus on what is not.

Here’s where it gets interesting- the Feminine is uniquely capable of utilizing longing. This is predominately because the feminine has a capacity to contain.  This space of containment – where we create, gestate, conceive and nurture means that we are amazingly adept as taking a seed and nurturing the longing that seed represents.

We’re fabulous at feeding it until it is ready to come forth.

It’s our unique superpower.

Today- sit with your longing. Allow yourself to feel it deeply. If tears well up, allow them to fall. If joy- allow your soul to laugh. If you must dance, or sing, or make love- do so.

In all you do – allow yourself to long for what you Desire. Your life will thank you for it.


namaste signature pink

P.S – If you’d like a sacred container to hold you, love you, accept you as you Transform – I invite you to join:http://tinyurl.com/GetSOFT

Feminine Strength


This morning I was scrolling through my Facebook Feed, and I noticed something.

I noticed that many of the “Inspirational messages” to women focused on an Idea.

I read it on various pages quotes like:

“A woman should be her own best friend”

“A woman should never forget she doesn’t need someone who doesn’t need her”

“Strong women don’t need a man”


And I realized there is a subtle subtext here, an undercurrent and shadow side of these seemingly positive messages. That subtext is:

To be a strong woman is to do it alone

How sad.

It’s sad because feeling this sense of urgency and need to NOT connect to others, to try to prove our strength as women by virtue of our ability to do whatever hard thing that needs doing, build whatever needs building, create whatever needs creating all alone, ends up with women who are “doing it” (whatever “it” is) – but who are also depressed, stressed, angry and detached.

Why is that?

Because doing it alone  separates us as women from one of our most powerful and feminine forms of strength.

Connect and Collaborate.

To connect and collaborate is an utterly feminine form of Leadership and Business.

It is a fabulously powerful way of moving through the world and creating relationships.

The Feminine is literally fed by, nourished by, strengthened by relationships.

I read something earlier this year – it was an article talking about how women often define themselves by who they are to others (wife, mother, daughter etc;), and how a strong woman doesn’t need that, doesn’t do that. she simply *is*.

At first blush this sounds fabulous. Strong. Empowered.

But upon reflection is actually not entirely true.



The  nature of Feminine Strength is Relational not Transactional. 

It is this deep wisdom that we bring into the world and we infuse into everything we do.

When we buy into going through the world non-relationally – we are disowning our own Power. The feminine knows there is strength, not weakness in connection.  The Feminine understands that collaboration is more than the sum of it’s parts.

Great minds and Leaders in business have known this. Napoleon Hill said

“No two minds ever come together without thereby creating a third, invisible intangible force, which may be likened to a third mind.”

He understood the Power of the Feminine principle of Collaboration.

What we are being taught in subtle ways is to rely on a Masculine model of strength, and put in a dress. We are taught that in order to really “claim our strength” and “show how capable, strong and powerful we are” we have to actualize strength and power  through a masculine lens.

Here’s the thing.

It doesn’t work. 

For most women, the Masculine Way of Power is like wearing someone else’s glasses. It’s not that the glasses are intrinsically “bad” or flawed, it’s that they are not beneficial for you because it’s not your prescription.

Oh sure – we can do it.  We can all “man up”, learn to not rely on anyone, to not trust anyone and to handle our relationships in a tit-for-tat fashion. All columns of Pros and Cons. We may even learn to do it well. But it doesn’t fulfill us.

And let me be clear here- every women has unique abilities, insights, worth that are hers alone.  This is not a message of *not* being in touch with yourself.

Quite the contrary.

This is an invitation to come back to yourself. 

Back to your Feminine Essence.

The heart of a woman longs to Love. To experience, dance and flow in various facets of Love. It seeks to relate. 

To relate – meaning to “bring back”.

When we are in our Feminine Essence as women – we are able to bring back. This Bringing back causes great shifts – inside of us.  In others. In the World.

We bring back in Business – Helping corporations to find their mission and to remember  their hearts too, not to become so singularly focused on profits that they forget the “Why” and the “Who”.

We bring back  Love- helping others to remember what drew them together, whats important, our connections – we are all one.

We bring back to World- to a state of balance, to a state of interdependence.

And we don’t do this all at our own expense.

Oh no darling, By showing up in this way and valuing this way of showing up – we experience a profound and deep Fulfillment.  We are nourished. 

And, at the end of the Day isn’t that what life is all about? Operating in ways that are fulfilling and nourishing to the soul?

To do that which fulfills and nourishes – that is what it means to be Feminine and Powerful.


Live. Love. Lush and Fearless,

namaste signature pink




P.S – If you’d like a sacred container to hold you, love you, accept you as you Transform – I invite you to join:http://tinyurl.com/GetSOFT

Feminine Essence after Hysterectomy??

feminine essence after hysterectomy


Good morning darlings,

I get a lot of questions about the work I do around “The Feminine” and “Femininity”  – I’ve decided to start answering them on the blog so as to give others more visibility to the answers. ALSO – if you have a questions for me – about just about anything feel free to click the little linky at the bottom of the page and I’ll  answer or go here! 




Q: I had a hysterectomy. When I hear all of this talk about “womb space” and “the feminine” I feel excluded and a bit resentful. I find myself feeling totally disconnected from my body and any sense of myself as feminine. Can I still live in my feminine essence even though I’m less of a woman? 


A:  My Beautiful Sister,

First let me say I am sorry for your loss. The loss of your womb is an event to be  acknowledged. It is no less significant than losing an arm or a leg. If you have not had an opportunity to grieve I really urge you to take some time just for you and do so. It can be one of the most powerful healing practices you can do. If you need assistance in finding rituals and ways of honoring and grieving, or you’d like to experience the power of being Witnessed in your process –  let’s talk. 

 Let me also say you are in NO WAY less of a woman!! Not at all!  “Womb space” and ‘feminine essence” is an energetic space – not a physical one. It is a space that you can ALWAYS tap into. It is always yours and yours alone – it can not be taken away from you.

Feeling a disconnect from this area of energy that is symbolized physically after it has experienced physical trauma is very natural. Here are some tools to help reconnect. (These tools are especially helpful for post menopausal women as well)

Herbs and Supplements: Herbs such as Vitex (also known as Chasteberry), Maca, Dong Quai, Nettles, Royal Jelly and Progestelle .  (not intended to diagnose or cure any illness)

Exercise : Yin Yoga, Belly Dance, Ecstatic Dance

Crystals:   Chrysocolla, Silver

I also offer fabulous one on one connecting both virtually and in person where I can share with you practices that will meaningfully and deeply help you connect with your Essence. Yes, dear sister – Feminine essence is YOURS! 

You can also be a part of the AMAZING and succulent School of Feminine Transformation. It’s a great way to reconnect!! I hope to see you there!


In Love and Lushness,

namaste signature pink



Love Letters to My Beloved – Your Love is a Beacon

Your Love is A Beacon….

On the day of our wedding I told you these words; “I know that I am blessed among all men in this, that I know that the Divine loves me because he has given you to me in love…”

I am reminded of you when I look around at this season, when the very earth seems to take this last opportunity before the sleep of winter descends, that in this season each blade of grass, every leaf, plant and tree sings its special song as loudly as possible in vivid color. All foliage is nearly luminous with color and the air is crisp – the temperature grows cooler and the days shorter and there is a sense of vibrant anticipation in the air.

Vibrant anticipation – what a delicious concept and a perfect description of how I feel about you, my love. When Im apart from you I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again. When we are together, throughout the day I will reach for you, automatically, spontaneously. You are My love, you are my heart – there are so many reasons why I love you, Im daunted by the enormity of the task before me – but Im willing to give it my best! Do you remember when I told you the other day that you reminded me of a sacred text?

An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.

My heart safely trusts in you. Your love is a beacon to me out of the shadows and an inspiration to me to be the best version of myself that I can be. With you at my side I feel that there is no obstacle that I cannot overcome, no goal that is unreachable no happiness that is beyond my grasp. My heart turns toward the warmth of your love like a flower follows the arc of the sun in its daily path.

Screen Shot 2013-10-15 at 4.38.37 PMYou are priceless and altogether wonderful. I am captivated by your wisdom, inspired by your compassion, motivated by your generosity and ignited by your passion. It is a said that those in love share a common delusion – that they truly believe that no other love has ever been as complete, as intense, as wonderful as theirs. It is my fervent wish for all those impassioned souls and all the world beside them that one day they may enjoy a love even a fraction as wonderful as ours. If the Divine would grant that it could be so I believe the entire world would be transformed in an instant!

Each day we are blessed to spend together is a precious gift – and when I go to sleep at night my last thought before sleep takes me is of thankfulness and appreciation of our journey together. As you mold your body to mine in slumber I count my blessings – a peaceful home, a loving relationship – to go to bed content and to awaken the same way. These simple pleasures – I am adrift in an ocean of delight!!

I realized in this writing that this container of language is too small, my hands are inept at this task – to try and use these crude tools of language to fashion an image of the unimaginable, to describe the depths of the unfathomable – how can I describe the magnitude of my love for you? All the words of all the poets are not enough. If I live for 1000 years, perhaps that will be time enough – but I seriously doubt it.

Love Always and in All Ways,


Love Letters to my Beloved

rose-love-letterMy Beloved, 

It is important to me that we always seek to express our love to each other in deeper and more powerful ways. That our love continues to blossom and bloom through the ages no matter how long we are together. And tonight my heart turns towards the question


Where can I love more?”


Perhaps it is the changing of seasons or the shortening of days but I find myself turning ever more inward – and as always taking you – your Essence – with me. The weather turns cool and we head towards Halloween, or Samhain or Dia Los Muertos – all days of the Dead – honoring ancestors, ghosts, saints and more. And I too am thoughtful of the “dead” – I honor the past seasons of our Life together – the day we met, our first kiss, spending nights talking until dawn, staying out all night dancing or working through an issue until we could find ourselves back to harmony. The NRE stage is long past- or so they say – though I still feel full of New Relationship Energy for you. You continue to delight my senses, challenge my mind, inspire me, compel me – I am still in Awe of you. And that is the thing – is it not, my Heart? The more I know of you, the more Universe I realize remain to be explored in you. How vast and infinite!  


As our time together grows longer (more than 10 years, already? and yet we both know it’s been lifetimes)  as I look back over our past experiences – far from stagnant or bored – I find myself excited and mesmerized. I wonder what our future will hold on this Great Adventure we call life – and where will we go and how will we get there. The past serves as a blissful memory- the notes of which enrich the depth of the present but do not overshadow it. I am intensely thankful. As I sit here typing this listening to your breathing as you sleep, I am thankful. For each day our lives intertwine around each other there is no where else I’d rather be.  


And so – as I end this letter my King – I pause to ponder once more – How can I let more love out in your direction? How can I offer you more support and tenderness? What is it about you, you need me to understand? I delight in loving you.

Always and Allways yours,

namaste signature pink

Is Namaste telling the Truth?

Hey there loves,

 In my speaking about the power of women inhabiting their feminine essence I sometimes I get a look from a woman.
A look that says…

“How do I know you’re telling the truth?”

I consider this to be a valid question.
Usually I get this question audibly from women who are in male dominated fields or have a career in which they are surrounded by men, from women who feel as though their success depends upon their masculine essence.
Sometimes I hear this unspoken question from the hearts of women who have put on armor due to rape or other crimes against their femininity. Or from women who don’t feel particularly feminine.
I’ve wondered how I could possibly convey the depth and profound change you can experience in your life.
The answer came in the form of one of the Huna Principles:

“Effectiveness is the measure of Truth”

What does that mean?
It means that you’ll know the truth of the POWER and DELIGHT of inhabiting and learning to live in your Feminine Essence by how effective it is in your life.
And effective is written all over this work. 
I was speaking to a student yesterday who doesn’t really like crowded spaces and she told me that she was at a VERY crowded music festival and she was able to literally get people to clear a path for her-  not by yelling, not by moving aggressively but by using one of the simple and powerful practices she learned in the sessions.
THAT is effective. Real life and practical. 
It is this type of life and experience changing shift that I want for every woman. To experience her life, relationships, and self as Sacred, Pleasurable and oh-so juicy.


Live. Love. Lush and Fearless,

namaste signature pink

P.S – If you’d like a sacred container to hold you, love you, accept you as you Transform – I invite you to join: http://tinyurl.com/GetSOFT

Sex-o-matic Saturday – Review: Sex Butter

Hey there you sexy thang!

We decided to start doing reviews on books, practices and products (including toys!) for creating a Fabulous sex life! With all of the professional review sites out there why would we do this? A few reasons.

1. We’re a couple and there are very few (if any) couples out there reviewing things from BOTH perspectives within a relationship. It’s amazing how many places talk about sex “for women” or “for men” but HELLOOOOO sex by and large is not a solo practice.

2. We LOVE sexuality and sensuality and we aren’t ashamed or embarrassed to talk about it.  We can add our personal, compassionate and deeply authentic take on it.

3. We’re Very WOO – In case you don’t know – the woo, it is strong with us (said in Yoda’s voice). The Woo Shyt is what we call our Profound spirituality that weaves together all traditions into the All That Is. So we intend to speak on the woo side of stuff when we get a Spiritual download or insight  on any of the items or practices we review.

4. We tend towards the natural. We’ll mention if an items is natural and if it isn’t what it’s made of provided we can find the details.

5. We’re adventurous – We have tried a LOT of things and plan to try more. We believe Sexuality should be FUN and the experience of pleasure is a worthy state to live in.

With that in mind let’s get to the good stuff! Our first review!


Sex ButterNamaste: We’ve been following Bonnie  online after we somehow got connected on Facebook. I saw her posts about her product and noticed two things immediately that caught my attention.

1. It’s a solid- or rather a semi solid.

2. It’s natural.

This piqued my interest.  After a bit of time I asked Bonnie if I could have a wee sample to try out.

We had been looking for a suitable lube specifically for our Orgasmic Practice. (We’ll do a review on this soon we promise!). It needed to be easy to apply and long lasting without being tacky.  We were wondering if sex butter might do the job.

When the samples arrived I was happy to see that the butter retained it’s solid consistency even in TX.  I opened the containers and inhaled. The smell of  peppermint wafted out. I went to see what the essential oils used in the butter are- but they are not listed individually. The website only says “A proprietary blend of essential oils”  hmmm.

I rubbed a bit between my Fingers and was surprised how quickly it melted and how slippery it stayed.


Her experience: It was WONDERFUL, especially  during the Orgasmic practice. The essential oils cause an increase in sensation meaning its very easy to stay low and focused during The Practice.It seemed to last and last (although I’ll let Richard speak to that as I’m not really sure how many times he had to reapply , I was …ahem…otherwise focused heh!)  It also causes increased sensitivity so your partner may want to use a lighter touch than normal. If you don’t have an Orgasm practice that you do, I would still suggest using Sex Butter as part of your foreplay experience as opposed to only using it directly before intercourse.

I used it prior to any stimulation just to check out it’s enhancement ability. Works great without making you feel like your vajayjay’s on fire.

His experience:  It was very slippery and lasted for a long time, longer than I expected! I did have to ‘refresh’ it occasionally..when it goes from being a semi-solid to a liquid, it feels very much like an expensive lotion. Similarly to lotions, its going to be absorbed into the skin over time and need re-application. I was very pleased with the length of time that it lasted before I had to replenish. Besides the transformation from a semi-solid into slippery-ness (is that a word?) I really appreciated the fact that there were no adverse or unwanted additional changes in consistency – it never got sticky, tacky or gooey! During intimacy the lube of course transferred to me. It was tingly but not in an unpleasant way. If you’re going to use it as a male enhancement of sensation you’d have to use a LOT, also if you want to apply it as a lube on yourself and your a Guy, again you’re going to need a LOT. I’d suggest using it on your female partner and then letting her excitement create extra lubrication 9if you know what I mean) versus using it on yourself Bro.


Taste: The taste was simply “minty” – it was cooling, not overly oily (that really surprised me) making it great if you want to blend some oral into things while using it.

Pros: Natural, organic ingredients, Long Lasting, increased genital sensitivity, okay taste, safe for use with silicone toys

Cons: No ingredient list for essential oils, oil based so not suggested for use with latex condoms. A bit pricey at 29.95 per jar.

Big O’s: All together we’d give it 4 Big O’s out of 5. It’s a great product!

Website: www.sexbutter.net

***Please note – while we have received samples of this product from the manufacturer we are not affiliates at the time of this writing, nor were we hired to review this. ***

Pivotal events – On Mastery, Masculinity and Laughter

Today’s Quote; “Only one who devotes himself to a cause with his whole strength and soul can be a true master. For this reason mastery demands all of a person.” – Albert Einstein

My Thoughts; I’ve been thinking of late about the pivotal events in a man’s life.  Pivotal as in vitally important, especially in determining the outcome, progress, or success of something.

Pivotal in the sense that we recognize the significance of that moment…after which everything has changed in some way and you find yourself headed in a new or different direction.  In a man’s life there are many.

  • The first time something or someone you cared about passed away.
  • Creating something with your own hands for the first time.
  • Devotion of your time and intention to Becoming Really Good at Something.
  • Making that first Big Purchase
  • …Or what about the first time she lifted her hips slightly to enable you to take off her panties.  No..Not last week – although good for you if that is the case…Im talking about the first time it happened, ever. That’s pivotal Bro. 
  • What about the first time you truly glimpsed the Path you were on – and you understood what it means to devote yourself to Mastery of …what exactly? What have you learned? What has it required of you?
  • What are some of your pivotal events?  What did they teach you? How have they changed your life?

Screenshot 2014-02-04 03.36.08Things We Love; There are some transcendant moments when you realize how good it is to be alive and how excellent it is to be a man.  There are a host of Good Things that go along with being a man – and among those is the richness of camaraderie, of brotherhood – there is nothing to compare to the experience of laughing together with men of like minds.

In my minds eye I can go back to a warm evening with two very dear friends…two of us with cigars and two fingers of the dark liquor of our choice in hand, the other with a cigarette.  I dont remember what the hell we talked about – its not important.  What is important to me is the laughter.  Deep, rich..from the belly..the kind that leaves you slumped over sideways in your chair, short of breath and wiping a tear out of the corner of your eye with the back of your hand.  It comes in waves – as soon as it dies down, someone will say something that will start it up again.

My wish today for every man is that you be blessed with friends that you can laugh with like that.  I believe the entire world would benefit.

Now, It’s not too late if you do not have those kinds of relationships in your life, and I’ll share with you a profound secret that I’ve discovered along the way.  You can change big things in your life today, if that’s what you want.

And only you can want whatever it is in such a way that it is going to work for you.  How?  Im glad you asked that question;

  • Say what it is that you want. Not ‘in your head’ Bro  – actually say it out loud. Yes, I know it sounds goofy – but its real. Think about this: What if the things that are missing in our lives arent there simply because we’ve never said that’s what we wanted?  These days, the concept of self-advocacy is taught in the schools all the time. People of our generation missed a lot of those lessons. So lets begin today – now, while nobody’s looking – lets advocate for ourselves and speak our truth out into the Universe.  You want good friends? SAY SO. You want a new JOB??? SAY SO. You want a new vehicle, to lose weight, to be able to spend more time doing something that you love?  SAY SO!!  Having good friends (or anything else on this list) does not have to be a rare occurrence that only happens to other people. And by saying this to yourself, today….you will know the truth of it and see it actually begin to unfold after this moment, true?  Consider it an experiment of sorts. Of course when the magic happens I’d love to hear about it!  Do it now!

Music in my Head: Old school stuff…Marvin Gaye singing Distant Lover live…Steely Dan, AJA…Earth Wind and Fire….Would.You Mind.

Adventures this week; I’ve been working on focusing my intention toward what it is that I actually WANT out of this life instead of spending so much time and energy thinking about that which I do NOT want. It seems like a small distinction, but it is actually very important. Check this; “Continuing to tell stories of shortage only continues to contradict your desire for abundance, and you cannot have it both ways: You cannot focus upon unwanted and receive wanted. You cannot focus upon stories about money that make you feel uncomfortable and allow into your experience what makes you feel comfortable. A different story will bring different results: My thoughts are the basis for the attraction of all things that I consider to be good, which includes enough money, and health, for my comfort and joy.” — Abraham

I am thankful for; my Namaste, good friends and family and a good nights rest. If you’ve ever suffered from even the smallest bout with insomnia you know how good it is to rest deeply and peacefully and to awaken refreshed and ready to meet the challenges of the day.


You are close to your goal.

Rest if you must – but dont you quit.

When I was a kid, my Dad would recite parts of this poem to me and as corny as it seemed then – its amazing how often I’ve heard these words in my head, in his voice…right at the time when I needed them. I offer a bit of it to you here – enjoy.

 Dont Quit.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, 

When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill, 

When the funds are low and the debts are high, 

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh, 

When care is pressing you down a bit, 

Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.

Take the Sleep Challenge!!!!

Screen Shot 2013-10-08 at 11.11.56 AMI’ve been thinking of late about the function and the necessity of sleep.   It wasn’t that long ago that I realized that I have an issue with sleeping.  What’s interesting is that I do not suffer from any sort of chronic insomnia or a genetic predisposition to not sleeping….I just don’t like to sleep. Maybe I think Im going to miss out on something.

If given a choice between going to bed or staying up reading or writing or researching, I will almost always desire the option that involves staying up a little later, finishing this chapter, this movie, this article, this…whatever.  You get the point – I’d rather do anything than go to bed.

There are a number of different reasons that have been primary at one time or another during my lifetime.  At times I’ve felt that I’d be missing something if I went to sleep, therefore I’d stay up and do the much more interesting thing whatever that is, instead of wasting valuable time abed.  At other times I’ve been working on various projects or been under some sort of deadline that would require in my mind extended periods of time where I felt I needed to go without sleep to accomplish some goal I’d set for myself.  Note, that even as I write this I recognize that my impressions of what was ‘necessary’ with regard to my own sleep deprivation may not have been realistic, but it certainly felt so at the time.  And since we are ruminating, let me also add that there seems to be a thought in the back of my mind that sleep is for wussies.  A strong, capable person (like myself, apparently) has the ability to tap into hidden reserves of strength not immediately apparent to the average person and thereby exist on about half the amount of sleep that most people need to function.  I told myself (and others) some version of that macho bullshit for years, as I routinely allowed myself roughly 4 hours a night of sleep on average, many times going without sleep entirely, getting what I called my ‘second wind’ around 4 a.m. at which time I’d start to feel more awake as dawn approached.  I’d crash the following afternoon of course and take a nap during lunch and somehow make it through the doldrums of the afternoon in a quasi awake state.  On some level I knew that this wasn’t good for me and I’d also be cognizant of the need to make some sort of change…but I’d do it again and again anyway. Sound familiar?

(saw a comic yesterday that said that one of the signs of sleep deprivation is telling other people how much sleep you arent getting every night..har de har har!)

The Beauty of the Night

For me, the middle of the night is a beautiful place to be.  Its quiet, dark – the people that you love are safe and tucked away sleeping, there are no interruptions, no phone ringing, no worrying about finishing up things here before you have to be there by X time – none of those irritating phenomena that we accept as part and parcel of the daylight world.  After what is commonly considered ‘late night’ activity, the susurrus of murmured conversations over the issues of the day, sex, television etc. typically goes until midnight and then there is this moment of peaceful, beautiful silence that stretches before me like a vast, blank tablet that is waiting.  Waiting for my hand to mold and to shape it into somewhen that is totally mine to do with as I will…until the approach of dawn.  It is a wondrous and incredibly seductive time.  And the most amazing thing is that unlike birthdays, holidays and other special occaisions – this moment will unfurl before me like a beautiful delicate, inky black rose each and every night. What an awesome re-usable resource!!!!  I LOVE being awake late at night. Apparently.

Unfortunately….Sleep Deprivation Can Kill You.

There’s an unfortunate tradeoff for not sleeping – yah, there are a handful of people on the planet that dont appear to need sleep, e.g. they arent afflicted with any of the negative effects brought on my not sleeping. Apparently the rest of us NEED sleep. For your idyllic sojourns in the land of sleeplessness, there is a toll.  Your bill is paid by the body – if you look at the body as a “bus” figuratively speaking, by being chronically sleep deprived you cannot keep  some or all of a growing list of ‘travelers’  to climb onboard and accompany YOU through the pathways of the waking world.  These travelers go by varied and numerous names;

  • Hallucination – do you ever see those elusive little shadows that appear to be just out of the corner of your eyes, darting under beds or couches or the sense that ‘something’ was over there but isnt right now?
  • What about Irritability,
  • Cognitive impairment, Memory lapses or loss, Severe yawning, symptoms similar to ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), Impaired moral judgement, Decreased reaction time and accuracy, Tremors, Aching muscles, Risk of Diabetes Type 2, Growth suppression, Risk of obesity, Decreased temperature, Increased heart rate variability, Risk of heart disease, Impaired immune system…. the list goes on and on.

These are facts my friend…not opinion. Irrefutable, scientifically verified, independantly provable, in-your-face.. facts.

At the shallow end of the pool, the list of travelers that would go with me through the waking world seemed like a small price to pay, for me – as long as they were few and variable.  But be warned that the effects are cumulative and it has been my experience that the longer one goes without sleep on both the short (single night, or series of adjacent nights) or the long (over a period of months or years) term – the more of these critters clamber aboard.  And they do NOT like to leave.  In other words, you feel worse and worse over time, till you die. Additionally, I’ve found that even if the list of symptoms doesn’t grow – the ‘weight’ if you will of specific attributes like obesity, or irritability tends to expand geometrically. Did you know that Amnesty International lists sleep deprivation as a form of TORTURE?

Fact: Going without Sleep makes you FAT.  There, I said it.

Screen Shot 2013-10-07 at 7.48.22 PMWhy fatness? Sleep deprivation disrupts your bodies ability to regulate hormones that control metabolism and appetite?  As a result you overeat and don’t lose weight as rapidly or consistently as a healthy person.  Being overweight changes how you breathe, especially when sleeping –  so you develop chronic snoring and also sleep apnea where the soft tissues in the back of the throat relax and cut off your air – you literally stop breathing for extended periods of time while asleep, the body jolts itself awake to breathe by releasing panic signals/hormones whenever oxygen levels dip and remain below an optimal level.  These constant cycles of oxygen deprivation/adrenaline throughout the night stress your heart and also prohibit deep, restful sleep ..which leads to tiredness during the day, and disrupts your bodies ability to regulate hormones that control metabolism and appetite, as a result you overeat and……..

Lather, rinse and repeat the above cycle until dead.

Yes, I could have waxed long and pedantic about various and sundry sleep aids like the best mattress for the money, size and quantity of pillows, their assorted fillings, the importance and relevance of thread count in bed linens and the merits of egyptian cotton vs domestically grown.

And perhaps I will at a later date.

But before we explore the concept of sleeping WELL, – we need to tackle head on the issue that many of us struggle with, and that is sleeping AT ALL.

Look into this article and raise your hand if you see your reflection anywhere.  If you are a part of my Tribe of the Sleep Deprived – you know who you are and you know that this is Truth.  If you have one or more of those aforementioned critters on your ‘bus’ during the day…you are Sleep Deprived.


And you’re killing yourself slowly.


And killing oneself by degrees is not living a Best and Highest life.


Take the Sleep Challenge 

You know the deal.  You know if you’re sleep deprived.  So….Lets DO IT. Its time to make a change – lets start living, loving and feeling better. (and living longer!)  Lets start by getting a good amount of sleep. Starting tonight!!!

First thing – stop with the “I only need X amount of hours” – that’s evaluating need on a sleep deprived model.  Lets start with the old fashioned EIGHT. Ok…wait. SEVEN. (see, Im trying to make this a REAL Goal I can stick to – I’ll be honest with you, my day normally begins @ 5:30 A.M. – there are early a.m. football practices and such that kids need to be ontime for, so our days during the week start pretty early.  So if I want to get at least SEVEN HOURS of sleep, I need to be in bed by 10:30.  Besides, Eight hours of sleep would mean being in BED BY NINE-THIRTY! WTF!!!!

We are going to be in bed by 10:30 p.m. during the weekdays. Even though – I must confess that I DO feel some internal pushback at the prospect of going to bed so early.  But Im going to do it ANYWAY.

For my health, for my family, for my life!!!!


for the next 7 days, will you commit to going to bed ONE hour earlier than you normally do? If you want to go hardcore and go for the full seven or eight instead of the 3-4 that you are currently getting, more power to you!!! For the rest of you, Im asking for ONE additional hour of sleep per night. I’ll keep track and see how many extra hours we get in total 7 days from today. 

Who’s with me? There’s strength in numbers – if you are a fellow member of the Sleep Deprived Tribe then let me hear from you. Lets encourage each other!!!! We can DO THIS!!!


Be Amazing..